goodbye dizzymissy78

How you doin dizzy : )

Hi everyone a near miss tonight after over 200 days I tried to set up an online slots account I feel really fed up atm I know my triggers under pressure from work and my husband has now been off work 3 months now with illness no space doing everything is taking its tole it's left me wobbly fortunately the site in question who also publishes a newspaper had good software and it recognised some of my same details thank goodness but no damage done and I've found my way back on here again thanks for your support everyone xxxx

I also didn't add my boiler is broken and my landlord won't get anyone out till Monday my washing machine is in bits so spent 2 hours in the launderette I feel poorly with a virus (but obviously my husband has it much worse!)but ive had to work through mine I'm still really struggling with debt and arrears the kids are off driving me mad rah

But I still wanted to go online and risk losing more money what the hell I now know it's not a wanting to win money thing more if a stress thing which has helped with recognising my trigers a positive! !!!!

Wonderful - You have dealt with it.....the past is in the past no excuses. Don't convince yourself that the stress burden justifies what you are thinking. Just get off line have an early night and wake up even stronger. Gambling is self harm, I think you know you are better than that !

Sbb

I'm not justifying myself more connecting with the triggers helping me preventing further attempts to gamble x

Hi Dizzy , Really glad to see you still with us and still fighting for what you want , 200 day's is ahuge amount of time to have racked up gamble free , be proud of yourself , urges will still come and go especially at times of stress but don't give in Hun , just pop back on here and have a rant , it's worked so far and will keep on working to keep you safe :))

Sending you some positive vibes , so be safe and look after you ! xx

Thanks Alan such a sweetie good to know I have support feeling a little better today xxxx

Feeling a little more settled looking forward to Xmas and glad I wasn't able to set up that new account or I would be in desperation by now I have a little bit of money in my bank to see me through Xmas presents bought food in the fridge so not bad.my husband and I after lots of ups and downs seem to be more on the same page holiday booked for end of January that I am very much looking forward to we have agreed to work together to clear debts so being positive not wallowing in self pity but look forward to seeing what we can achieve back to the gym January after some illness mainly due to stress and tiredness and a more efficient boiler has been fitted which should cost me less (it went wrong 2 days ago nightmare so close to Xmas )it always happens to me last year it was my cooker!anyway it's 3.18 in the morning and my brain won't switch off! signing off dizzy

How you doing dizzy

So today is day 1 of my holiday I am at center parcs.when I was gambling I could never of afforded this.we haven't had a holiday since my youngest daughter was 4 so 4 years ago.looking at the kids faces how excited they were running into the apartment made me feel strange like I've been living in a self destructive bubble not allowing happiness just misery very odd.i told my husband I felt guilty that my kids have been missing out because I was selfish he said it's in the past and we need to move forward...I agreed I think I will try and book another holiday within a month of returning home so I stay focused.Even now I don't feel "safe know my triggers when the going gets tough.I am still trying to organise utility payment plans but slowly things are improving,so for anyone out there feeling hopeless and lost stop gambling feel crappy for today and move forward things do get better no quick fix or magical cure.focus on what matters and what gives u a buzz tomorrow I will be running through the forest knowing the blood suckling gambling companies are not taking my holiday or kids happiness away.night all dizzy out x

I used to be on the same sites as you and saw you in chat there. To see you here having fought to where you are now on holiday in centre parks.. Wow so very proud x

Well done and I sincerely hope you have an amazing time on your well deserved break x best wishes x

Dizzy, what a wonderful post. So happy for you and you should feel very proud of all you have achieved. Enjoy your well earned break - you deserve it!! x

Thank you to you all we are back home now I arrived back home to a court summons for council tax a reminder what my destructive behaviour has caused I know I shouldn't of had this holiday but it's not my kids fault I've messed up.my massive fluff up with take a few years to sort out but I'm grateful for what I have in my life I picked up my puppy today from my friends he was so happy to see me he peed all over the floor I cried I give myself pleasure in new things and ask God to take my troubles away as I have no power over somethings only trying my best and working towards a new positive future.i went on a spa day with my 14 year old daughter and treated us both to foundation it cost ВЈ52 I nearly had hard failure but less than a year a go I was doing ВЈ20 ago spins how ironic a little grounding exercise,I took ВЈ350 and still came back with £100 we didn't waste money on ratting out we did more activities the kids would enjoy,even ratting home cooked food taste better on holiday,I'm laid here with my puppy had a holiday that my kids will have memories from ;a few quid in the bank, not brasic wondering what lie I can spin to blag some cash,.....I lost my bank card and I'm waiting for a new one ,life is not easy but it's better 250 or so days in and it is getting better if you are reading this post feeling hopeless I'm not going to lie it's not a quick fix I'm experiencing a back lash of my actions and will do for years but I feel more wholesome worthy of a holiday or love I am not low life s**m who takes my kids savings I am a good mum I sleep when I'm supposed to instead of gambling on slots,I go to the gym instead of spending the day in the bookies, nipping outside if my phone rings, I cook home dinners instead of chips with money I've taken from the piggy bank,I clean instead of spending the day on the slots then 10 minutes before anyone's home trying to make it look like I've done something I am for once being true to myself the debts will eventually get sorted my mind is the thing I must keep clean, so tonight I say please god take away my worries,protect me from the dangers and help me sort my real problems the ones I mask when I embrace the dark cold gambling world.... I once called my friend,I will sleep soundly... ( especially with my own pillows those holiday ones crooked my neck like hell! ) dizzy out x