goodbye dizzymissy78

Ring the tv licence...I did and sorted it there and then...they re scheduled payments immediately. ...
I also use to pay council tax into there bank over the bank counter using reference number ...even if you can't pay full amount pay what you can....there more likely to accept a new plan if they see you've been paying something...this is a priority debt....please soeak to th
em dizzy....i know its hard ...ive done it....but untill these things are "under control " it will effect your progress....your doing so well...keep plodding on love x

Went for a massive run tonight on the beach between piers it helps clears my head from the mush hubby dropped me off then he drove to the other pier but I beat him!it's about 5k so not bad I surprised myself amazing what u can achieve still worried about finances but I guess it will all get sorted eventually x

25 days wow who would of thought it still so much stuff to sort through and the guilt of the devistation I've caused I can't buy a house or move and I'm going to struggle for many months but I'm glad the gambling has gone x

Just paid my phone bill which Is 3 weeks over due can't believe they haven't cut me off!some days I feel stronger than others some days I feel positive I pray I get some more work in this month before rents due and enough before they reapply for that council tax payment next wed but for today il take the positive that I won't get cut off!!!!

I feel bad I've only been posting on my own diary but I need to be a little selfish I'm kind of only talking myself through this and related recording my thoughts to reflect onx

Lol...i remember always dreading my line being cut off....always juggling...that will all get easier as the time goes on...
Shame your not nearer I could do with a cut and colour ! lol
And you post where and when you want love...it's your journey...no right or wrong way of doing things on here lol x

Popped into tesco today while out running ;when I was at the check out a c****s debit card receipt fell out it felt like it was taunting me saying come and bet (c****s is opposite to tescos)I thought it was funny and I left it at the self service checkout it pleased me (I know I'm weird! )so on Sunday it will be a whole wondering how much of a difference I will notice money wize potentially I should have much more (even tho I have debts to pay but I'm interested I've looked at it and if I'm careful I'm sure I will afford my bills subject to some payment plans in place)when I look back at last month I had cut down a bit but still had two binges that cost me about £400 how was I doing it all its so crazy I'm going to be super good and get this stuff sorted!payday loan payments have been made for this month going to try really hard it's hard to stay positive all the time but up do my best!!!!

Morning day 26!positives for today 1)barclaycard paid 2)weekly payday loan paid 3)next payment paid 4) ВЈ20 off vanquis card paid 5) £100 in a separate account towards my council tax next week)note to me I must not touch!!!!!!6 )weight watchers meals that I've made from scratch in the fridge 7)feeling better in myself diet wise and stopped drinking so much(stress was making me on the verge of being an alcoholic!8)next week's bookings starting to pick up 9)it's sunny not raining 10)nearly the weekend!

Result...father I'm law offered to pay for eldest daughters new school uniform and younger daughters swimming lessons even better given me cash not a cheque so I can pay it instantly a real help (not sure he would of helped if he knew what I'd been doing with my money!

dizzymissy78 wrote: Result...father I'm law offered to pay for eldest daughters new school uniform and younger daughters swimming lessons even better given me cash not a cheque so I can pay it instantly a real help (not sure he would of helped if he knew what I'd been doing with my money!

Honesty is a tough character building block to work on. Keep it up. Tri

Yes!!!managed to scrape together council tax £158 relief just need to sort last year's payment plan and that's another thing sorted water is sorted both on plans one I can pay on a card when I get the cash in waiting to hear back from TV license and it's day 27!!!!!

Posting here at 4am because I can't sleep and it's not because I'm anxious it's because I'm so pleased I have paid my council tax the first time this year!!for "normal people "this is something they all do ,for me not paying things was a way of life not wanting to open post scared of balifs I also have ВЈ50 to pay my parents so I now owe them ВЈ950 (was ВЈ1300)even tho I'm skint again!there is a sense of pride that I haven't given it to the bookies they are nasty parasites who feed from us and suck the life from us all,I have ВЈ17,000 of debt but some on here have ВЈ100,00 so I'm trying to remain positive and not let it over whelm me so gas and electric on weekly direct debits.water both on payment plans,council tax sorted (i do need to check the payment plan from last year tho)I had a thought yesterday my father in law gave me £160 CASH yesterday (for school uniform and swimming lessons)do you know a month a go there is no way I could of trusted myself it's disgraceful to say it out loud but I would have told my daughter I had paid for her uniform but they were out of stock and I had to wait a few weeks for it to come in enough time for me to replace the money and order it!what a terrible thought but I know it's true how terrible we became monsters who would steal from out own kids but the illness brain washes you and makes it all seem OK and logical I still hate the behaviour but I'm learning to be nicer to myself and care more I must try and sleep before my 7 year old wakes at 6!just had to write this!

Great honest post dizzy...and yes it's very sad that as mothers we would even contemplate thinking like that....but that's addiction for you my love...and we've all been there...I'm so pleased yoor getting on top of things...and I understand 100 % what you mean about paying the bills...I love it...simple and little amounts often...just remember to prioritize the important ones...payday loans and credit cards after food. .utilites ..rent/ mortgage etc
I'm never scared to ring any off them now...just try to not make yourself to skint...we all have to live and I think if we are to hard on ourselfs with spending every penny on bills and debts it could possibly send us into gamble mode...in the early days I would treat myself to something...even if it was a two quid lippy !
Mahoosive well done on your days free from gambling....have a good weekend love x

dizzymissy78 wrote: Posting here at 4am because I can't sleep and it's not because I'm anxious it's because I'm so pleased I have paid my council tax the first time this year!!for "normal people "this is something they all do ,for me not paying things was a way of life not wanting to open post scared of balifs I also have £50 to pay my parents so I now owe them £950 (was £1300)even tho I'm skint again!there is a sense of pride that I haven't given it to the bookies they are nasty parasites who feed from us and suck the life from us all,I have £17,000 of debt but some on here have £100,00 so I'm trying to remain positive and not let it over whelm me so gas and electric on weekly direct debits.water both on payment plans,council tax sorted (i do need to check the payment plan from last year tho)I had a thought yesterday my father in law gave me £160 CASH yesterday (for school uniform and swimming lessons)do you know a month a go there is no way I could of trusted myself it's disgraceful to say it out loud but I would have told my daughter I had paid for her uniform but they were out of stock and I had to wait a few weeks for it to come in enough time for me to replace the money and order it!what a terrible thought but I know it's true how terrible we became monsters who would steal from out own kids but the illness brain washes you and makes it all seem OK and logical I still hate the behaviour but I'm learning to be nicer to myself and care more I must try and sleep before my 7 year old wakes at 6!just had to write this!

Hi Missy, i have the same problems with sleep so understand. Addiction is incredibly harder to stop for some than others and you may be on that sliding scale. Never forgot where gambling has taken you as it could so easily take you there again but try to forgive. Proud of you for trying. Don't stop doing what works. Tri

Thank you tri yes my demons invade my dreams and wake me I often dream I'm gambling and am penniless or worse I dream I've won I actually find the latter more threatening as it stirs feelings I don't like I'm actually getting stronger with each day and I've forgotten what an intelligent person I am (as big headed as that sounds)because quite honestly the way I've been acting you wouldn't think I have one brain cell in my head!I'm also a fab cook and a very creative stylist I would stand there like a shell going through the motions not giving a c**P in my head visually seeing the spins and features.i am back enthusiastic caring my clients are now saying they have noticed a difference in me and asking if I had been depressed we don't realise it is obvious to the outside world but of course it is!SO this afternoon I will not gamble treated my daughter to a £7 barbie making chicken biriani for tea and loving the new old me xxxx