GR4Y diary

I just read some other posts and I'm thinking maybe I should go abit deeper. I got left £10,000 from someone me and my partner agreed to use it for a deposit on our own home. I past my car test so I took some out for a car but on the agreement of putting it back. But it's been a year now and I still owe it what I did last year!!! The thing is I keep thinking I win it back quicker then paying it back (if that makes sense ). It's weird cos when I founded out that we were gonna have a baby after six years of trying I never gamble!!! But she lost the baby and that's when s**t got worse. 🙁 I remember when I gambled all the money I had on me and in bank so rushed home my partner was out so I went down her handbag and took out her purse. Luckily something came over me and I put it back but broke down in tears thinking how low!! Stealing of the person who is my world 🙁 I would really appreciate any tips or tricks to help me on my way to a gamble free life.

HiGR4Y

Glad you have decided to start a diary. No one will tell you it is easy but it does become "easier" once you get into your stride. Recovery becomes a way of life after a while and you will start to like it the stronger you get. Urges and opportunities will come along so you must recognise them when they do and question your actions such as carrying more cash than required at given times. Stay close to this forum and read and post as we all keep one and other on the right path. Maybe contact Gamcare on their phone line and speak with an adviser, it helped me immensely i my early days when I felt very frustrated at everybody on here that appeared to be doing so well!

Take care

Thanks for posting even if its just you who comments on my diary it's a big help :-). I've been reading loads on here and I feel strange in a good way just by knowing theres people out there going though the same. Feel like I can talk to yous who have been there done that and who are still going through the recovery progress. I'm gonna add something every few days and read others diarys. Thanks and hopefully I and all will be successful our journey to recovery

Hi gr4y,

First step made so well done for that. Defo get all the help you can at this stage from the gam care team and continue reading and posting. The support I received in my early stages of recovery have most defo been pivotal in my continued success. At first I used this forum to replace gambling, anytime i had an urge or was going through a testing time I would be on here to read or post.

I am sorry to hear about the baby situation, something I have recently experienced but stay strong my friend. If you ever need or would like to chat feel free to post in my diary in the RD section and I will reply ASAP.

Del 161 days GF

Hi diary

First morning after starting this,

Had the worst night sleep don't know why if its was the amount of money I lost or if it was finery I recognise I have a problem? Whatever it was hope it gets easier! I'm gonna do something later to try to help I will add to you when I have done.

Had a heart to heart with my girlfriend was so upsetting knowing how indinieal I have been about my gambling 🙁

Hi Gr4y,

I hope you're still going strong today. Overcoming the addiction is going to be one very tough uphill battle I'm afraid. That's just the way it is. But you seem to have the right attitude. You've recognised you have a problem and you want to deal with it. That's an important first step. Good luck on your journey.

Hi martin67

I'm haven't had a bet today so I be 1 day GF in a few hours. 🙂 (each day counts)

To diary...........

My mind is all over the place at mo does anyone know if that's normal?

Made my 1st day GF hopefully I will be able to have 00 at the end of that 1. With me making posts and reading others diary it seems possible 🙂

GR4Y

Fella well done on admitting to the fact that your compulsion to gamble has become unmanagable in your life.

I can relate to your mind being all over the place.

I remember feeling like mine was in a 'blender' in the early days of recovery.

A portion of my mind saying 'go on go back at it, you will win it back' that side the addiction wanting to tempt me back in like it had many times before.

The other side of my mind feeling remorsefull, self loathing and ashamed at what I had let gambling do to my life.

It took me and left an empty shell, I honestly thought gambling was the answer to everything.

Through recovery I know it is not.

I did win because I did stop

You can do the same

one day at a time

duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for support that's exactly how my mind going at the moment duncanmac.

Hi diary

Today has got to be worser then yesterday as I just keep feeling like crying ( I know I sound like a baby but I promise myself to write honestly)

My mind feels like its going into overdrive keep thinking why did this have to happen to me WHY!!!!

The only good thing is when my mind kept wondering crazy I realised the most happiest days of my life and relationship was when GAMBLING WAS ABSENT!!! So thinking the only way to be happy in future is to make gambling absent forever ( ain't going to be easy I know) but life throws its hardest battles to its strongest soldiers!!!! I even booked my 1st GA meeting today which I never thought I would do as I was to embarrassed to admit my problem !!! But not anymore not since reading others diarys and some going through the same.

Still on the recovery road but 2 days GF (every day counts)

GR4Y

I know how u feel GR4Y! I'm in the same situation. My head is spinning...my brain is in overdrive trying to come up with a solution to this problem...and I can't seem to be able to relax. If I sleep I have nightmares, if I sit down for a moment I can't help thinking of what I have done. I could really do with a sedative to be honest.

Today have been my 3rd day GF. But what a rollercoaster it's been.

Today has got to be the worst day yet just feeling down and snappy towards people 🙁

My mind keeps saying have a go on the FOBTs you will win back your last lost. But can honesty say I never.

Thought I would be feeling proud of myself as I walked through the town to pay £100 in my bank which is surrounded by the dreaded BOOKIES! And I did pay it in bank and not into those FOBTs. I really hope things get better:-( anyhow gonna go lay in bed and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

GR4Y

3 days GF (every day counts)

Well done GR4Y!!! Proud of you mate! Just think that u showed yourself that you DO have the will power to say no to those urges!! Try to relax, read a book or watch something funny on the Telly to up your mood a bit!! I'm also down and lonely..still thinking of the 4k I've lost but...I know it's not productive to think about that so I'm trying not to. Watching the Big Bang theory ATM :). Stay strong!!

Hi GR4Y

Try to remember that recovery is a journey we are all on and not a destination! Take it easy and keep it simple!

Take care

Proud of you buddy, you have just proven to yourself you can do it. Any change in life is hard but stick at it m8, try fill your time... new hobby perhaps?