Well here goes, I first and last posted on here about a month ago, I thought I'd nailed it. I put it out there, it was wrong and it was getting me down, I had to stop. The night I posted I was so low, £400 down, money that I didn't even have. I had a week of direct debits bouncing and not a penny to my name, it was time to stop. So I lasted 6 days and then I got paid, and it started again, only small amounts as I know deep down that it hurts to lose money. But even though I'm only losing £20 a day, it's still money I need. So no big losses, but it all adds up and I don't even need to wonder why I'm so skint. My partner asks why I can't make my money last the month... Debt repayments and gambling - all the time panicking about petrol money and food. I feel like I've really won at life when I take packed lunch to work and save £3 but then I get home and quite easily spend £20-£100 on gambling sites. Well now I'm determined so I've started my diary and I want to post daily to give me a distraction and a pat on the back for every day I avoid them sites. My partner really wants another baby, I do too if I had the money ... That alone should stop my habit. That makes me hate myself even more. It makes me want to lose more as a punishment for not even realising I have everything I could possibly want in life. And nothing more than giving my 3 year old girl a sibling, debts and been out of control is stopping me. But I think I'm ready.. Fingers crossed. Wish me luck. Hopefully I will update tomorrow with a day 1 gamble free. If anyone reads, I will you all the luck in the world - not for the jackpot, but to stop this, or even better, anyone with success, a full on round of applause to you, I don't know you, but I know it warrants a huge well done 🙂 I'm ready Xxx
Morning desesperado , thankyou for posting on my diary . The support of friends and fellow travellers has been a massive help in my journey so far . Up ahead is freedom to make my own choices in life , living under the yoke of gambling addiction stripped me of everything .
Betting shops and casinos were my downfall so I cannot comment on online gambling . The admin staff can advise you on blocking your access to gambling sites .
I notice desesperado is portuguese meaning ; Hopeless - Desperate - Despondent .
Recovering from gambling addiction is notoriously difficult but can be done . The good news is you recognise and admit you are a Compulsive Gambler . Secondly you express a desire to stop gambling . Thirdly your here with friends , people who can identify with your difficulties and offer advice and support .
I wish you well in overcoming this addiction . After all is said and done , your life depends on a successful outcome ... stephen
iThank you Abstainer for your comment on my post, your support is admirable and a credit to this forum, myself on the other hand is a lurker. I love to read success on here but struggle to push my self to post often. I hope you're doing well on your journey. I will check your diary shortly.
I am Day 17 gambler free. I feel better in myself, I have cash in the bank, granted I have debts to repay but if I can hold from gambling until payday next week, I will have over £100 cash in the bank at pay day which hasn't happened in years. I'd have gambled my last pound and then borrowed to get through the month. I'm focusing on ebaying, I get a buzz from selling something for £1 which is crazy considering I could win a £100 gambling and just felt numb. I was complacent with gambling, every win just made me feel like I was regaining parts of the money I had lost, I partly enjoyed the buzz of winning but would eagerly spend it again to get the feeling I had won it back, but I always came away with nothing, which is probably why I never got excited about winning as I knew I would gamble it in the next breath. I really do feel a lot happier. An advert just showed on the TV, 90% of me thought what's £20 to try my luck and then I remembered the last few years of 'it's only £20' which would turn into me wiping my bank account trying to recoup that first £20. £200 later to get my £20 back. It really is a fools game. It's took a big part of life. My daughters first years of my attention been on my screen, only stopping frantically when she genuinely needs me. I hate myself for this, 17 days is nothing, but it's the longest I've gone without and my only real urge was an advert tonight. My partner is away at a conference for the night, I do have 'spare' money - these are the common denominators when I would gamble, so tonight was a test.
I have reflected lots over the past fortnight, I have realised that money isn't everything, I will waste my money in a different way I'm sure. But I can justify working 58 hours a week knowing my money is been spent on better things than gambling. I owe this to my little girl. I can do this.
Great to have you back amongst us Desesperado . 18 days between you and that last bet .
You have a desire to stop gambling and recognise you are a compulsive gambler .
Whats done is done , you can't change it . Good to show remorse but not beat yourself up about it , that's just playing into the hands of the addiction . You didn't ask to be addicted to gambling , it just caught you out when you were vulnerable .
Some say nothing changes if nothing changes which was the case with me . I had just about given up on giving up when I joined GamCare , started having counselling and returned to GA meetings . Something clicked and now I feel empowered to ignore the occasional urge to gamble .
Is their something you could do differently this time to better make your recovery easier ?
However you go about your recovery I wish you every success .
Ps . Walking over the Humber Bridge is quite lovely especially seeing as there's no betting shops on it . I live in HULL - THE CITY OF CULTURE 2017 . Absolutely wonderful city . William Wilberforce campaigned here for freedom and liberty . Lets honour his work by claiming back our own freedom . Freedom from the yoke of gambling addiction , freedom from that tyrant we all know so well . The tyrant who has us running around like headless chickens ....... take care stephen
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