Here goes nothin :-)

Claire

My fingers are crossed for you. Take every day at a time, or even every hour at a time. Keep strong through the tough times and try to hold on to the better times. We're all here for you. Start believing in yourself, you will get through this....

X Doodle X

Hi Claire,

Sounds like a painful hurdle has been cleared, Claire. It also sounds like it was difficult to do - a struggle. But you have done it. Congratulations, sweetie. Onward and Upward.

Love,

Kerrie

(((((((((((((Claire)))))))))))))

you said i dont believe this is the answer to my recovery

well....maybe not this one particular thing...but i am finding...after taking care of the BIG things...the things that I knew were there...that there are some other things...things that were not quite as obvious to me...things i am really working to get to, that have to be dealt with as well...

i don't know if this is the ANSWER to my recovery, per se', but it is changing me...in a wonderful way.

xoxo

proud of you ((Claire))

facing our fears..is not easy...but it sets us free.

take care of you

love,

peg

Hi all

i don't know if this is the ANSWER to my recovery, per se', but it is changing me...in a wonderful way.

its definately not the answer to my recovery. the urges to gamble are stronger than ever. really having trouble controlling them, who am i kidding, i'm not controlling them.

although dealing with the things i have i feel better for the recovery isn't getting any easier.

i am reading about people who have managed 8 weeks, i'm lucky if i can last 8 hrs! they also say 'i have had no urges, or, i had a passing thought about gambling'

its my every waking thought, i dont want to do it, i know its not good for me, yet it is absolutely overwhelming.

ANY TIPS ANYONE? just something that works/worked for you that i could try. i know there is no quick fix but i did expect it to be getting easier by now, i really did.

take care all, claire xx

Hi Claire

Good to see a post from you, but sorry to hear thats things are a struggle. It is very true, there are no quick fixes, just little things we can do to help ourselves. When we were gambling, so much of our day (on average 5-6 hours a day for me)is being occupied. It is very difficult to stop and have this amount of spare time. You must try and utilise this time, and occupy your mind. When I am doing nothing my mind very quickly wonders back to thinking about machines.

Other people have talked about voluntary work, would you be interested in doing something like that?

Hope others can help come up with more ideas to help...keep fighting those urges.....

X Doodle X

Hi Claire!

Not gunna mince words. IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE FORUM. BE HERE EVERYDAY - OR MORE! Honestly, Claire - it's my medicine, my antidote - it became stronger for me than the urges because now it is my daily habit.

I relate to the "not able to go 8 hours" - in the end i felt.... consumed! But it was f*****! I know you want freedom.... my heart goes out to you, 'cos i fought and fought before i got here. It felt terrible - and becoming determined to be here daily (i didn't commit to not gambling, cos i didn't know if i could stop) has, in fact, been exactly what i needed. Wish i could put some of my time in an envelope and post it to you! Just so you could have a break! As it is, wishing you peace, and hope, and love, and recovery.

Loads of love,

Kerrie

Evening Claire, hope you got through today. the urges are a b****r I know!! it can take just that split second to make the decision whether you go into an arcade and gamble or not. Dont analyize your feelings, dont stand there and think shall I, I might win. Just keep walking and walking until you are past the arcade. Get on that bus or in your car and drive until you are home. The feeling of relief is both scary and exciting. Scary becos you came close to going in but you didnt and exciting because if you did it once you can do it again, you survived a day without gambling. So why bother the next day and the next, what did you get out of it besides that horrible feelings of anxiety and an empty purse?

Just one day claire. Go for it. Jan x

Hi all

hope everyone is ok. i went out last nite so feeling a little fragile! 🙂

however, no bandit playing and not really any urges. hope this is a corner turned!

i found a website about an american research project on CG's. they said that low serotonin levels MIGHT be the problem. i'm very fortunate, i have a doctor who explains everything to me in detail before prescribing me anything. i knew i'd heard the word serotonin before so i looked it up. its the chemical that i lack when i'm depressed. i went and asked him about it and he agreed there may be a link.

as it stands i've nothing to lose by trying the anti depressants to see if they take the edge off the urges. i know i have low serotonin levels because of my bouts of depression in the past. the medication i had (anti depressants) worked fine. so there may be a link with the serotonin levels. we'll see.

it takes 2-4 wks for them to kick in so wont know if they're working for a good 6wks but i think its worth a try, theres nothing to lose.

take care all, claire xxx

I hope it works out for you. Sounds like you have a good GP.

Best Wishes,

Sunset

Hi Claire!

How lovely to read your post - I'm so happy you are getting a break from playing and urges. hope the anti-depressants give you more relief. Good on you, Sweetie,

Lots of love,

Kerrie

Hi all

well i gambled again last nite, dont know why or where it came from. just did it.

do not feel like i am recovering i feel like nothing has changed. am tired. i genuinely do not want to gamble but i seem to have no will power at the moment. i feel really weak and ut of control and i'm not sure how to get it back.

i do have to keep reminding myself how far i've come. i hardly ever go into the arcades anymore, can count on one hand the times i've gone in since i started my recovery, it used to be a daily thing. it is bingo that is the problem, for all i like a game of bingo the machines are there and i feel utterly powerless. i hardly play pub bandits anymore either (used to stand at em all night) its just the f*****g bingo!

i have thought about self exclusion but i used to work there and i feel really embarrassed. the manager and i didn't part on the best of terms (dont think he likes me) so he'd love this! if i cut up my membership card they just provide you with a temporary one when you arrive. in a real quandry over this, i do soooo want to get better but feel like i need to put more firm barriers in place that i cant tweak and change according to what i want to do or how i feel that day. self exclusion would be this, once its done i cant tweak or change it. HELP!!!!

take care all, claire xxx

((((Claire)))))

I'm on vacation so haven't been on much at all..i just read your last post..about anti-depressants....there is much scientific evidence that seratonin and dopamine play a role in this...I am on anti-depressants as well....meds that also specifically address these neuro-receptors...they HELP..but they don't just magically make it all go away...I was taking this med for about a year..and i continued to gamble...

BUT

I wasn't really trying to quit...I wasn't here, like you are...

AND

the day that i DID seek help...found gamcare and safe harbor...i haven't gambled since....while the meds did not make me stop gambling...i do believe that the fact that i am on them gave me a 'boost'...some help in quitting.

Never give up...never stop trying Claire...life can be good again...life can be better than it has ever been...it really can....for me....several things had to come together all at once in order for me to 'get it' for recovery to really 'kick in' but...if i wasn't TRYING then..it would not have happened...

we have talked before..about this being a journey..well...all of our journey's are different..we have many many similarities in our experiences but the journey itself is different...you KNOW that you can do this claire... in the beginning...you weren't carrying money...your mom had taken over your finances...have you taken them back?

love to you hon,

never give up

you are soooo worth it.

xoxo

Claire!

Oh, Baby! I know what you mean by "tired" - like tired times 1000!

I'm only theorising here - I may be wrong - but it sounds a bit like you are having trouble with that crucial moment when the urge strikes strongly. In my humble opinion, willpower is useless, because gambling urges are WAY stronger than willpower. Willpower only works when there is a powerful desire to achieve a particular result - and the desire to gamble is always stronger.

The thing is, the urge passes if you can delay gambling. Make it hard to gamble! Post before you gamble - or make it difficult to access money - or make a deal with yourself that you can't gamble until you have bought groceries, rung someone, got a haircut - ANYTHING to put it off. The whole thing is complex - but the initial "getting yourself space" is a practical problem - make it hard to gamble, Sweetie. Peg is right, you soo deserve it.

Lots of love,

Kerrie

((((Claire)))))

thinking of you.

Hi all

feeling a bit better than yesterday. have realised i'm getting very good at not liking me! especially when i gamble. i take no pleasure or self praise when i dont. this has got to stop, friday was when i last gambled. its nearly bedtime here so thats 2 days gamble free. woo hoo! go me!

i have not been to bingo since friday. really wanted to go tonight so ran and put my pj's on so i couldn't. i know why i wanted to go and it wasn't the bingo although my cg voice would have me think it was! i'm off work now for 6 weeks and i really want to not gamble in that time. i have several ways of accessing fruit machines that i no longer do. i have control over these. the bingo is my last one really (occasional £3 in a pub fruitie, again have this under control, not my full night out stood at one)

i am still thinking about self exclusion and wondered if i was making excuses yesterday on my post. genuinely not, if i frequented the other bingo in the area i'd go now and do it, i feel embarrassed in front of the people i used to work with in my bingo hall. i figure its all about not going to bingo now, anything but! i live with my family, they know, so i would have to sneak. dont want to do that. i dont want to be that person anymore, a liar.

i went to the pics this afternoon, i love sunday afternoon bingo and would have gone. intead i spent the grand sum of £5.70 next door in the pics (they are next door to each other, i swear i could hear the machines calling me 🙂 and i got to spend 2hrs in the company of bruce willis! love the die hard films.

was going to do a night class but with my new job and it being my first full year teaching i need to be focussed, i know i'd be thinking i cant go tonight i've got this paperwork and the other to do. cant stick to a certain night. need to be flexible according to my workload. will do nice stuff just when i can not coz i have to. this has been a bit of a babble but feel good, heres to day 3 🙂

take care all, claire xx