Here goes nothin :-)

Hi Claire - As an old, long term, beaten up and beaten compulsive gambler it is sometimes difficult to read posts from younger people because I feel a weary and sad sense of inevitability about the road they are going down. A lot of them come on here for a day or two and then dissappear - i'm pretty sure I would have done the same; you haven't, which tells me that there is certainly no inevitability about your journey. You seem to be 'clinging' onto gambling almost in the way you would an old friend. It's caused you grief, BUT it's also been a comfort; somewhere to escape, something to distract you, the thrill of a win, highs and lows and so on.

Your posts very much suggest that you are the kind of person that will work this through in your own time. Don't ever beat yourself up Claire, there is no need, you are well on the way to beating this and helping others along the way to. Thank you for that. Take good care of youself - YOU deserve it.

James

Hi Sweetie!

Firstly, I want to say - do what you need to do, we won't judge you, but you are vulnerable to cg getting out of control (hey, me too), so stick close to your supports (us!).

something that even probably occurred to me at the end of my gambling was: "why do I want to do this?" - Because really, the only reason i wanted to do it was to satisfy the craving - and gambling had stopped satisfying the craving, anyway.

And i still want to gamble sometimes - which under the circumstances, is a little bit like wanting to shove a sharp stick in my eye! I should be specific - I still crave playing poker machines sometimes - It never really occurs to me to gamble in other ways, I'm not interested. Until I came here, I weould never have thought of bingo as gambling! (only been once - 20 years ago! In a catholic church hall! In flamin' Wollongong, of all places! Now I find out - I was gambling!lol).

Frankly, I get worried for you because I tried to quit so often - but seemed to leave myself "back doors". I would behave myself for a while - then suddenly I'd be a runaway train again.

However, your experience might be different to mine - maybe the only way you can gain control is to give yourself permission to have a strictly limited window. So far, abstinence has been very hard for you - this may work.

If it does - fantastic! If it doesn't - oh well, time for plan B. Either way, stick close to the forum. You deserve to be supported, no matter what.

Sending you lots of love, and hugs, and best wishes,

Kerrie

Hi all

just to let you know i'm still in the land of the living. not been on for a few days. went out thurs, was seriously hung over friday and had a wedding yesterday. on the upside no time for bingo! could've gone today but didn't want to which was surprising, a nice surprise.

i'm just taking each day as it comes, coping with the urges as they happen and hoping for the best, to be honest its a wing and prayer! feel ok tho, feel positive, happy, have had a few nice days with friends etc which all helps.

take care all, claire xx

Hi claire, it is good that today you CHOSE NOT TO PLAY and perhaps that is showing more than anything else that you have come farther than you thought. You didnt NEED to go to bingo and that surely must be good.

Like Kerrie says, keep your support close to you and if doing what you are is in control and it isnt impeding on your life then you have to do what makes you happy. But keep posting and everyone will keep the support going.

Perhaps you are finding other things to occupy your time now and that is why you are not so bothered about the gambling. Glad you have had a good weekend, always starts the new week off on a positive note. Love Jan x

Hi all

hope everyones ok. thanks to everyone who posted me. really appreciate it.

have just got back from the doctors. he gave me some more anti depressants, i think they are working, we'll see, hopefully i'm right. he's also referred me to the gym, this way it is free and you get like a personal trainer person. i am really overweight and it has got noticeably worse since i stopped gambling. have tried dieting with little success (think it may get easier when back in full time work in 3 weeks, get into a good eating pattern)

he said its good on several levels (the exercise) good for my weight, it releases happy hormones and it'll take up some of my time rather than thinking about gambling. i figure its worth a try. whats the worse that can happen. i have tried the gym before but i have no one who is interested in going with me and i feel so out of place there. this way i know there will be someone there to greet me, make me feel at ease. if i like it i'll continue to go after the 12 weeks and pay.

oh well onward and upward!

take care all, claire xxx

ps still not been to bingo! 🙂

Hi Claire, what a fantastically positive post. I'm so glad that you're now so upbeat, look forward to hearing your progression & as always thanks for your posts on my thread. God Bless, John. X

that sounds WONDERFUL Claire!!!

Rusty has posted a few times about how swimming has helped her...I think there is a lot to be said about exercise producing those 'feel good' chemicals naturally...and in a HEALTHY way!!

I have had the same issues in a gym....I think a personal trainer is a GREAT idea!!!

you sound great ((Claire))..it's good to hear you this way.

Peg

xox

Hi all

i have rotten tooth ache from grinding my teeth in my sleep, a new symptom to my stress.

yes i'm stressed, went to bingo yesterday and lost alot of money on the machines. feel cr** about it but have resigned myself to the fact that the money is gone. i will not be going back to try to recoup my loses. have decided i need to self exclude. whether i want to or not its got to be done. i have no control so i cant be there. i dont go into the arcades anymore and now i cant go to the bingo anymore except i dont seem to have the control that i do over the arcades. dont know why this is? gonna phone sometime today - dreading it. have to say some of the bingo clubs have the form online and you can do it all and send it in with a pic, not the one i go to. you have to go in, be humiliated. bloody great!

i have to think, its prob 15 mins of humiliation rather than another 6 mths of self torture and humiliation in my life while gambling.

wish me luck! take care all, claire xx

hey thansk for ur message support and good luck with ur own programme of help.

i am just back from my trip into town walked past 3 different bookies successfully and came hme with the change and shopping for a change.

feel really good and i hope this can only go on and on and on.

hope things work for u also

Hi Claire - Sorry you are having such a rotten time. It's difficult to find words of comfort when I know what you are going thru. I do think that the very fact you can express - so clearly - what is going on for you is at least helpful if not frustrating.

The only thing I know for sure is that gambling will only make things worse, sorry that is so obvious I know, but it is amazing how we go on letting our pasts rob our future. I do believe that part of the problem is a general feeling of unhappiness with our lives, we/i feel lousy about how i look/feel/am, gambling reinforces that and keeps me feeling cr**.

I know from your posts that you are a 'special' person, that you have a lot to give - and get - from life. Work thru this stuff Claire, face whatever it is that hurts you so much and I know you will get thru this.

Thank you for your support and caring words, my daughter is called Claire, she is a few years older than you - she went thru a horrendous time a few years ago - a lot to do with me - but is now happily married with a couple of kids. I miss her very much but am so happy that she found peace and fulfilment - as I know you will.

Take care

Jamesx

Hi Claire - Hope you are ok - thinking about you

James

Hi Claire. I am new to the forum this week, and just read through your diary. I see so many similarities between us! For so long, I have wanted to stop gambling, but just couldn't stand the thought of NEVER doing it again, so I told myself "I'll just go now and then, or I'll do something other than slot machines." But, I'd always end up losing too much money and finding that I just liked it too much to stop.

Finding this forum has been a blessing to me so far, and reading posts from you and others makes me realize that I am not alone. Seeing others' successes AND failures also makes me realize that there will be slips along the way, but I cannot give up on this journey!

Stay strong, Claire!

- Anna

claire

Want too say a big hello, and also to say what a fighter I think you are. You're recovery seems to be a very difficult and challenging one, but although you have had slips, you always come back fighting, and don't give up. Not only do you come back fighting, but you also give invaluable support to others, like myself to help them with their own recovery. That is true courage, and shows what a great person you are.

Keep going, you will get there, and keep supporting. We're all behind you and there for you....

X Doodle X

(((((((((((Claire)))))))))))

xo

Hi Claire

Noticed you hadn't posted for a while..hope you are ok.

Thinking of you

W xx