Here goes nothin :-)

Hi all

just been in chat. thanks to EVERYONE who has posted me. have not been well, the toothache got worse and eventually had to have the b****r ripped out! it got infected blah blah blah. not been a well bunny!

anyway back and fighting fit. not been to bingo coz of bad tooth. been doing ok. had a lovely weekend (sisters 21st b'day). am now very skint ha ha!

still struggling with the bingo thing. just chatted about it in chat. just dont feel ready, was gonna self exclude and think i prob will when i feel the time is right. i find it annnoying, i've stopped the arcades, the pubs. i just said to my mum i would not go in an aracde now, i just wouldn't. yet i really want to go to the bingo to play on em. i am not terribly worried as i am careful with the money i take etc, i have an element of control. oh and i got my letter to go to the gym today so thats another hobby underway, hopefully i'll like it.

take care all, claire xx

Hi Claire! Glad to see you are back and feeling better. Having teeth pulled is SO not fun.

I know what you mean about not being ready to self exclude. I'm not ready to do it yet, either, but I haven't been gambling since I decided to quit. Still, I know Peg would tell us to "be careful!"

Hope the gym goes well. I've started walking in a never-ending battle to lose 40 pounds!

Take care!!

- Anna

Hi all

i'm back!!! our internet broke and it took time and money to get it back on. so glad to be here and posting again have really missed this. my counselling finished quite a while ago so have felt a little lost without all my support. hope everyone is ok. am going to spend some time reading and posting, catching up.

things much the same with me, bingo still a calling. still doing well with the other places i used to gamble in. its been quite a while since i've been in those places so i feel i can say used to. have definately cut down on going to the bingo and i occupy myself while i'm there to keep the bandits to the minimum but its still there. the feeling of wanting to, the feeling i might just win. still i'm here, i'm surviving, i'm working hard for everything i get (and i get a whole lot more now i dont gamble as much)and i'm happy.

take care all, claire xxx

Hi Claire

Great to have you back, sorry your internet has been down for such a time. Glad you have been able to cut down on the gambling front and keep things to a minimum, but the best thing of all is that you are happy, thats what counts the most.

It will be really great to have you posting again, feel free to add in anything that has happened since you have been away!

Take care.....

Doodle

((((((((CLAIRE!!!!!!!)))))))))

Hi hon -

so good to hear from you...I think of you often...I didn't see your post...not until you posted my diary.

Glad to hear that you're happy....

I am doing so well...happier than I have been in years...life is good.

good to see you hon 🙂

Keep coming back.

Love,

peg

Hi Claire. Welcome back! Keep on fighting, hon, and I think eventually you'll get to where you don't even need bingo anymore. It's just a matter of time! 🙂

Glad to see you!

Anna

Hello Claire,

Long time no see. Don't visit Gamcare much these days as the words of one the very first post I read is something I continue to work towards “it is time for me to move on”. A person said that in their final post after having spent many months using this site to overomce their gamblling addiction.

Over these last few months I have found that the best way for me to tackle my gambling addiction is to deal with the facts and not with the speculation and unknown.

For example research suggests that if you have an addiction in your family you are more likely to become addicted to something. So is the result of my addiction genetic? or is it because I was not properly raised because of the addiction within in my family? or does addiction within my family have nothing to do with my own addiction? I'm stuffed if I know, I'm stuffed if anyone knows.

The fact is that I can't control my gambling. Why I can't control it I may never know.

Comprehending the fact that I can't control my gambling has helped me stop by helping me not to start.

It is nice to see that you have gained some control over your gambling and no doubt you are aware that some types of gambling are more addictive than others.

You have made progress, you are moving in the right direction. Good for Claire.

Alf (James)

HI Claire

I have read your diary, and feel for you with your ups and downs..

Like you say, you are here and you are surviving..

Please be careful Claire with teh bingo..I have stopped in teh past on all sorts of forms of gambling and turned to another as I told myself well its ok as I don`t pay online and can control Bingo..I ws so wrong, I had to stop that and turned to another form and eventually over 19 years it got me and brought me to my knees..

Self exclusion is hard, you mentioned in August that you needed to do it, hope you can get back to that thought, its hard to do but deep breath an you can do it.

Eveyones is different yet we are all the same - hope that makes sense xx

If you can truly be in control then way to go, only you can answer that question..

I admire your honesty throughout your diary and wish you all the success in your recovery..

Hope the tooth is now sorted, had mine ripped out 2 weeks ago and still fells weird it not being there, keep sticking my tongue in the gap, wrong but feels so right lol..

My hubby is having his out on Monday and has to be sedated adn I have to go with him and be with him for 24hours, am sure he is going to milk it..

Take care Claire and after reading your diary you hcae come far with your recovery and shoudl eb prud of that..beat them demons all of tehm down down for good, you deserve a fab new life xx

Love Lynn

xxx

ps my spelling is cr** hope you understand it xxx

Hi all

back again!! had problems with new internet. hope its all sorted. hope everyone is ok and thanks for the posts. really missed not being here although i thnk i may not be able to post as muxh as i have int he past. working full time now and loving it! very busy tho. if i''m not at school working and putting up displays i'm laminating and making things at home. also live with a large family who i have to fight to get to the computer. i hope everyone is doing well. i'm definately gonna spend an hour at some point on saturday posting and reading. i'm doing ok, no bingo this week so far, a mixture of no time and cant be bothered. got a night out at the weekend (hen night) so thats something to look forward to and something to save my money for.

take care all, claire xxx

Hi Claire

Nice to have you back again 🙂

It can be hugely annoying when the internet is down or unavailable, I can certainly relate to that. It will probably be a little frustrating at first not being able to post when you want, but working full time and enjoying it is great. That certainly is a positive bit of news. Being busy is good also, doesnt give our minds too much time to think about gambling. Just be careful not to overdo things and burn yourself out.

I hope you have a fantastic night out at the hen night, definitely something too look forward too....

Take care, look forward to hearing how things are going soon..

Doodle

Hello Party girl 🙂

I love how you sound in your last post...I think of you often...Do keep updating us 🙂

Love ya,

Peg

xo

Hi all

well peg the party is officially over!!

I have hit an all time low in my recovery, dont even know if i am recovering anymore.

the stupidity of it is that i know where its gone wrong, the triggers. hell, i tried to convince myself not to do it as i was walking toward the shop. i know whats happening and i know that i dont want it but i feel very out of control.

had a s**t new year, friends arguing, sister sodded off wi boyfriend after year long pact to spend new year at parties together due to last year being s**t. my family are very dependent on me which has always been fine if not a little stressful. but new year made me realise they want to do B*****r all to get everything they want, they'll take,take,take and i'll tell you what! they wouldn't give me the steam off their s**t!!!

i've worked really hard this term to ensure bills were paid, we were warm and fed - i begrudge them nothing - they're my my family and i love them, they've hit on hard times and i help out, to the point that i was compromising my life (not moving out yet) to ensure they were ok. now i realise they are taking the P***. always knew it really but felt i owed them for the three free years i lived at home while at uni.

well i've had enough. my goal is to leave during the easter holidays. i will still help them but i will not compromise my happiness or well being to do so.

i've felt low since new years day with all this, i've been off work a fortnight now and i had some surpluss cash.

i realise what i did today is my fault, i did it, i knew i would. i didn't even try to use my strategies so i wouldn't.

how i am feeling and the build up to this is down to them and i cannot carry on like this.

i live in a house with 5 others, mum, dad, brother, sister, and sisters b'friend. dad ill cant work, mum works part-time (hours were recently cut). brother unemployed, contributes sweet f***l and always has money for f**s, booze and whatever else! sister and boyfriend both work, contribute nothing, plead poverty and live off take out food!

yes they take the absolute P**S!!!

and if i dare to mention about them paying something toward their keep all hell breaks loose. mother seems to have no control over them, they ignore her.

well without my money the creature comforts will be out. then they'll have to contribute and if they dont they'll be sat in the cold and dark then see what they think!

am really annoyed, cant wait to go back to work - never thought i'd hear myself say that 🙂

will be glad of the routine and distraction.

by easter i aim to:-

successfully save (with a friend, not keep the money myself) for all i need for a flat.

move out of home into a flat.

go to a salsa class with the girls from work.

not go to a bandit shop in town!

keep my chin up and think of the wonderful times i will have in my flat 🙂

sorry i've been such a moany cow. am going to come here each day, am thin on the ground for support at the mo. am thinking about going for more counselling, little unsure about where my counselling would go though, last 12 week block covered s**t from my past that had not faced up to and needed to deal with which did and feel better for it. would i move into the here and now? sort of where do i go from here? not sure. if anyone has any advice or ideas on this i'd really appreciate it. gonna keep myself busy (easy when working anyway - dont have time to scratch my b*m 🙂 ) keep posting and think about the counselling.

take care all, claire xxx

hi clair, sounds like things are going a little pear shaped for you just now, but only if you let it. you are in control of you. you have no control over anyone else, but you can control how you act and react to what is going on around about you

But ........ it also sounds like you have some clarity as to what is going on around about you, and where you want to go.

those are the positives that you could take out of this situation.

you apologised for having a moan. Can you explain to your self why you need to apologise for stating things as they are for you?? These are your feelings, and as such they need to be respected. yes it does sound as if you feel that people are putting upon you, and can i assure you that it is ok to stop, look around and say - hang on this is not ok!!

you say that you feel out of control. I was beginning to think that i was out of control this mornng, and it was suggested to me, all but indirectly, that by talking about it, i was regaining control. I want to make the same suggestion to you!!! You are here talking about the issues that are affecting you and dragging you down, but in the doing so its clearing your mind and helping you to see what you need to see, and that empowers you to make the decisions that you need to make.

i hope and am sure that you will find the support here on the forum as strong as it ever was for you, and i am also sure that bit by bit and piece by piece it will all begin to fit its self back together again for you.

You are doing fine, really you are. Look at what you have achieved over the last few months??? really good job! no reason to think that it cant continue is there?

take care

love

rusty

xx

Hi sweetie. Welcome back. I'm so sorry things are s**t#y for you right now. It sounds like there are a lot of things going on with your family, and that stress can just be too much somtimes.

Rusty is right - you never have to apologize for using YOUR diary to put down your thoughts and feelings. That's what it's here for!

As for advice, I'm afraid i can't offer much about the family, but I do think you should focus on yourself, and what is best for YOU, and not try to do everything for everyone anymore. There are some people who will never appreciate your sacrifices, and will always want more and more. You need to get yourself healthy and happy, and then maybe you can go back to worrying about the rest.

Anyway, hang in there, hon, and keep coming back. We're always here to welcome you with open arms!

Love, Anna

HI Claire

YOu have had many ups and downs, but you are surviving, you are seeing throught what you need to see..

Rant moan, do what ever you need to do, lol I am an expert at a good old scream xx

My aunty once told me treat major problems like a dimmer switch turn it on slowley until ou are comfortable with the light, no need to blind yourself..

I agree with Rusty, to be able to see what is going on around you and what you ned to do is a positive..DO what is right for you, when you need to do it and try and do it whilst being easy onyourslef..

Like you say they are family, but you also need a life aswell, do what you need to do to get that life, you deserve it claire, you truly do...

You do what you do because you care, but you need hugs you need a life and sometimes thats the way it has to be..Sometimes you are only appreciated when not picking up the cr** xx

Take Care Claire

By your side

Love

Lucy

xxx

This is your place, a safe place..getting all them feelings down, good on you..Thats how you feel, thats what is in your head right now and you deserve to get it all out xx

Lot of s**t going on , try and treas