Here goes nothin :-)

Hi all

just thought i'd have a quick look before bed. have had a lovely evening in wi my mum, sister and a friend of ours came for tea. she's just left. we've had a lovely time. i've laughed so much. last week i'd have been at bingo, i like a friday at bingo. i'd have missed this evening in. in fact she wouldn't have been invited because i organised it. i do miss bingo, the machines, but tonight was good. tonight i laughed. tonight i spent valuable, quality time with people that i love. no amount of money or machine can compare with that. i still seem to have these demons, doubts, yearnings. will they ever go away? if i hadn't self excluded i would have been to the bingo at least 3 times since monday. and i've no money, i'd have borrowed money from friends, family, anyone. glad i cant go there but the wanting hasn't stopped and i wish it would. i wish i didn't want to anymore. where's the miracle cure?

take care all, claire xxxx

hi claire, i wished that their was a miracle cure - maybe?

well, in truth there is no miracle cure, but your comment did get me thinking about what it would be like if there were a miracle cure.

To be a compulsive gambler one night, go to bed and wake up the next morning with the problem majically resolved.

Sounds like a dream come true, no more wayward thoughts, no more chasing dreams, no more acute physical withdrawal symptoms, no more having to look over your shoulder to ensure that the demon isnt sitting on it.

would i have wanted a miracle cure at the point when i decided enough was enough - yeppers! Anything i could have done to avoid the misery of withdrawal i would have grasped with both hands. 2 years down the line would i have wanted a miracle cure, hhmmmmmm, not so sure about that one.

I have often been quoted as saying i dont regret for a minute my gambling problem. Now i am wondering if i need to rephrase that to i dont regret my recovery from gambling. If i hadnt developed a gambling problem, i would not have had to look at how gambling got such a grip on my life.

These couple of years that i have been working at coming to terms with my addiction, and sorting things in my life out has been the most amazing couple of years of my life.

I have had to question me, and have had to question my motives for everything that i do and everything that i have done. Bit by bit things have fallen into place to the point where i can be relatively sure that i am more in control of me than i have ever been in my life. it hasnt been easy. My ups have been ups and my downs have been downs. Most of which i have shared on the forum!

But, if i hadnt been prepared to put the work in i would still be living that life of misery. What i have now is more important and more precious to me than anything else i can think of.

claire, recovery is hard work, but the work you put into it is repaid to you hundreds and hundreds of times over. think about last night and how sweet that was to you, think of how many more nights like that are available to you now. think about the possibilities that are waiting for you as you change from the person you were to the person you are now, to the person that you have the potential to be.

that doesnt come majically by an overnight cure or wonderful pill. If it did how much self learning would u miss?

Hang in there claire, you are on the right path, you are steadily working at putting those necessary changes into your life, and u are blossoming. Life can only improve

love

rusty

xx

morning

thanks for looking at my diary.........

i first started with the bandits ( good name i think bandits ) when i was 12 and so have gone through the whole range of emotions these are just some of my thoughts,

as i look back i think on the inside i was quite shy and sometimes felt awkward with situations although people never thought that and machines didnt need conversation they accepted me what ever i was.

i aslo started playing at a time when machines just started to become more advanced and i use to think i was more inteligent than the machine that i could beat it who was i kidding

i think know that when we win on machines its only winning someone elses misery that some other poor gambler has wasted all his/her money and we are just taking a bit of that i hope to stop being part of that cycle i no longer want to win someone elses money as i know the pain it causes when i am the one on the losing side.

i think the reason we always seem to go back to gamblin is because its what we know its safe in weird way but it does not have to be this way we just need to find other things to fill the gaps we feel in life

i use to think having to stay in was a waste of life i could be doing something wow that something was gambling and hurting me and everyone who knows me i belive doing anything is better than gambling and thats why i am here to put an end to my misery

i hope you have a good day today and enjoy life i promise you i wont gamble today please promise me

john a

HI Claire

sign me up or that miricale cure lol am still searching for it..

Like you I ask myself when and if those bloody urgers will go away.. AM hoping with time and the building of new happy memeories they will eventaully be gone - sounds like you are seeing life and the good stuff out there, juts being able to have a giggle with family and friends is teh normal world..The more of these normal moments then hoping that the urgers will not get a look in..

Gambling has been with us for so long, but in time our brain willl be full of new stuff and gambling will be a thing of teh past..

Lol I once read on here and love teh saying gambling was so last year and is now out of fassion xx

Take Care

Love

Lucy

xxxx

Hi all

just a quick check in really, dont want to get back out of the habit of posting. Started back to work today. Am still working on the finances, it'll come it always does. i've learned not to stress too much, the money has gone, i have to deal with it and the shortfall it leaves. am glad to be back at work. things always feel easier and better when i'm at work, busy. still really glad i have self excluded. think i would be in it up to my neck even more the amount of temptation i've felt this week but of course i cant act on the temptation which is a great feeling. 1 week ago today. feeels like ages ago. thats me for today.

take care all, claire xxx

Hi all

just a quick check in. been posting a couple of others rather than on me own tonight. haven't really much to report for myself. its nice talking to others although i did feel quite sad when i looked at all the names, new names, very new names. this disease is just spreading all the time. it seems to be getting bigger and bigger. oh well at least we are all here fighting the good fight. tis all we can do, keep fighting day by day. i'm happy i'm here, i have not gambled today and that makes today a good one 🙂

take care all, claire xxx

thankyou for the reply to my post im in bits at the momentjust dont know witch way to turn i hope everyone on here can help me all the best and keep safe steve

I'm posting this on as many diaries as I can because this is how I feel. I read this in one of my G.A. books.

"I can always take strength and comfort from knowing I belong to a worldwide fellowship. Thousands just like me are working together for the same purpose. None of us needs ever to be alone again, because each of us in our own way works for the good of others. We are bound together by a common problem that can be solved by love and understanding and mutual service.-

'Today I will remember - I have a world of friends.

God Bless

Charly

Hi all

just a quick call in been reading some others diaries. have been planning ahead with my own life, well planning the rest of my year. deciding things i want to do. i have decided in amongst sorting my finances i want to start saving a deposit ready for me to get my own house. i'm going to amsterdam in may for 3 days and then in the summer i'm going to visit my friends who are in this country. move around over the course of 2 weeks and see them. not something i've done before so it should be nice. a cost effective break hopefully! its nice to be planning ahead, getting my life on track. onward and upward.

take care all, claire xx

Hello Claire!

How great to see you! And congratulations for taking the HUGE step of giving away bingo! True courage and committment!

Love,

Kerrie

hi claire hope you have had a nice weekend ive been at work since last thursday dont have a day off to saturday on overtime to pay the gamblin debts of but me and the wife r going to the arcade on saturday to ban myself its the only place in town i use i dont use the bookies anyway take cear and keepsafe love steve

WELL DONE, STAY STRONG . VISIT HERE EVERY DAY, THIS IS YOUR FRUIT MACHINE, IT TAKES NO MONEY AND IT CERTAINLY WILL PAY DIVIDENDS. WE CAN DO IT.

Hi all

have been out with a friend and we drank some beer 🙂 i enjoyed myself! taking it easy been to tesco and off to bed.

take care all, claire xx

hi claire hope youhave had good weekend you have helped me get over this i and its thanks to you in the first few days that a feel good today if you know what i mean keep safe and gambi free steve ps you r a dirty stop out 3am and just home hope you have enjoyed stay safe steven

Hi Claire! Glad to see you out and having some fun, but still making plans for the future. It can only get brighter, I'm sure of it!!

Love, Anna