Here goes nothin :-)

HI Claire

Sheffield is my home town (well 6 miles out) but I am a northern bird..

used to live in Dronfield and on teh same street as teh drummer from Deff Leopard..

Them urgers Claire are just thoughts..You aren`t acting on them..You are in control..

Urgers are buggers but in time and lol who knows how long maybe 1 week or 1 year or 10 years but they will get less and less.. Our minds will shift their attitude? Why? Because we are not feeding our monsters we are starving them..

Keep starving them Claire and they will pass xx

Like you say thet are not going to get on top of you... You are in control now and that`s gotta to feel bloody good.

Take Care

love

lucy

xxx

hey up me duck . sorry just a daft saying from were i come from so glad you posted to me always cheers me up when you do sorry about the urges they are very sneaky watch your back at all times i did not and look what happened still feel a bit ped off about it but i will try even harder now just got in from work and need sleep so will say bye for now steve xxx ps are you still in training for the stroll for life if so PUT THAT CAKE BACK see ya and take care .

Hi all

thanks to lucy and steve for your posts.

unfortunately its not good news. i bloody gave in to those urges. am so mad at myself. saw it coming and just couldn't stop. lost £200 in total. am sooo P***** off with myself. back to the drawing board. no carrying money, no going to town alone etc. to be honest although i'm enjoying my time off work i'll be glad to go back. feel safe at work. bandit shops are shut by the time i finish work and i cant go to bingo so am safe. i want to move out of home at the begining of the summer holidays, how can i if i cant keep this thing under control? it'll never work and i soo want it to. am really fed up with myself. gonna go now, will check in in the morning before i go for my physio.

take care all, claire xxx

(((((clair))))) morning sweethart just in from work read your post on my phone last night tryed to post but it would not let me i am so sorry you have let the urges beat you just like me on friday they are so bloody sneaky they just take over us i know it will be hard but try and pick yourself up and try again i am feeling fed up for you as well just hope you dont stop trying cant you ban yourself from these horrid places and i know this will be hard but it would be so good if you could pluk up the courage to do it and you will feel better for doing it and it will save you alot of pain in the future anyway just to let you know i am thinking of you at this time so please try and smile and chin up and go for it take care and try again steve xxxxxx

Hi all

thanks steve for your kind reply. you are very kind to me, your posts always make me feel better. had a busy day today been physio, met with a friend and been to visit a relative. no bloody urges today. dont know what to make of it really. urges for weeks on end and today nothing. i normally have them worse than ever when i've fed them. unless i'm that P***** off its put them to rest for a while. still feeling fed up about it but not beating myself. learnt not to do that a long time ago. just to learn from it and crack on. also to try and remember this feeling, so as not to become complacent. i am getting a feeling of dejavu here, have said this stuff before when i've had other slips. need to keep looking forward not backwards. keep trying.

take care all, claire xxx

Hi all

just checking in really. hope everyone is ok. its the strangest thing, i am actually feeling really at peace with myself and i think its because i've got no money. with what i blew the other day i have nothing left (that'll teach me). but because i have no money the urges are not there, i could not feed them if i wanted to. i remember in the early days of my recovery i would get paid and spend every penny really quickly so i could not gamble. i'd got past that and was able to cope with having a certain amount of money - not this month! anyway back to old routines in my recovery and back to work - i always find my recovery difficult to handle when i'm off work, have just had 2 weeks. glad to be going back, get a bit of routine.

take care all, claire xxx

hey up me duck hope evrything in claires world is ok and sorry if its not just a quick post to let you know i am thinking of you and realy hope you are ok funny how we dont have urges when we dont have the money to do it hope you go on ok back at work and this is just to let you know that you are in my thoughts today keep strong steve xxxx

Hi all

cant believe how long its been since i've posted. computer has been broken. just been having a look through the posts. i'm struggling alot again at the moment. i've excluded myself from the bingo but didn't feel the need at the time to exclude from the arcades. am feeling tempted i think because of my not going to the bingo. think i need to self exclude from the arcade, again taking the decision out of my hands. its so much easier when there are no choices to make where gambling is concerned, i do not make the right choices because i am a gambler. god i hate this!!! its been over a year now and it doesn't seem to get any easier. wish i had some kind of group/counselling/meeting that i could attend. i really respond well to that sort of thing. it keeps me thinking straight. oh well i've had me moan 🙁

take care all, claire xxx

hi claire thanks for the post i am sorry you are finding this so hard i realy think you should self exclude from the arcades as soon as poss because from reading your post i think i know where this is going to lead you if you dont. i dont want to sound negative but you realy should have done this a long time ago. apart from that are you still in training for the race for life or have you done it? anyway go to go please try and do the above soon i will be hard but so worth it and please try and stay strong steve xxxx

me again lol just wondering how you are getting on not heard from you for a while realy hope you are ok and not letting the gambling demons take over your life dont know if you will post again but if you do read this thanks again for helping me on my first night and try and stay strong stevexx

Hi all

Am gonna spend some time later today reading and posting because here I am again. Except this time its worse than ever. I've really blown it this time. Trust me to have a total meltdown during the credit crunch!!

My parents are due in court on the 13th November to have their house reposessed. And i've gambled away the money I was giving them to make things right. All told about £2,600. Its such alot when I write it down. f*** me thats alot of money!

Fortunately I have good friends and family around me and a friend is letting me use a credit card she has but doesn't use to pay the arrears and stop the court action. She even got me it at 0% til next April. I am so lucky......this time! I need to stop.

I want to stop! I just feel like I cant stop 🙁

I feel really defeated. Want to put all the wheels in motion like i have in the past and going to.

My self exclusion from the bingo ended and I have gone back on the condition that I am not allowed to play the bandits. I love this. Control totally taken away from me because i have none! I go play my bingo 2 or 3 nights a wk and i have no upset or worry about the machines. I cannot play them or else i will be barred. My condition that I put on after my 6 month exclusion. I am now going to have to self exclude from the arcades in the town. I'm in enough financial trouble - I just thank god that i cant get loans or cards coz my credit rating so pooh.

will be back soon my friend reuben is shouting me!

Claire

hi all

back again. love seeing him he cheers me up, and he's a whole 2 years old in December 🙂

I'm gonna self exclude from the arcades, my sister has said she'll come with me. I have a number for a counsellor here so going to ring him and arrange an appointment. I had counselling once before and I found it really good but it was a funded project and I only got 12 weeks. I missed it when it stopped. felt like i'd lost focus. I'm also gonna look into charity work - looked into it already and need to go for an interview, will ring and arrange on Monday too.

To do list

1 self exclude form arcades

2 phone counsellor

3 phone for interview at the hospice

This should keep me busy and focussed, and going back to work should do that too. Had a wk off with it being half term and its proved fatal! I need to be at work, busy.

Also have handed over cards, chequebooks etc to sister in a lockup tin. She's going to hide it for me and I have the key - so I still feel an element of control. No money without explanation comes out of the tin - and realistic amounts. No cards to be taken out and used without supervision and explanation. Back to basics!! 🙁

Although i feel sad to be back here I kind of relieved that I know the sign and the action to take, first time round I was blind and clueless and so were my family - this time not so much so. I just wish I could sort this completely, finish and stop, I hate it so much, I hate what I become when I gamble, I lie and cheat. I have no regard for money, the value of it or the impact that my losing the money has on my family and myself. I've had a lucky escape this time - I might not be as lucky next time.

A friends just rung to go out for lunch so i'm off to get showered and changed

take care all

Claire xxx

(((claire))) sorry to see you back in the wrong way my friend .i have so much to thank you for when i first came here you helped so much to get were i am today 7 mths without gamblin .i hope you do self exclude from all the arcades you know this is importent i when back after the 6 mths and extended it to 5 years .anyway have to go to work now still trying to sort my debts out due to my reckless life speak soon take care my friend thinking of you steve xxxx

Hi all

Have been looking through diaries and posts. Glad to see a few familiar names. Sad to see lots of new names - shows this thing is just getting bigger and bigger. But glad they're all here - it means they're on the right track.

Feeling better already for coming on and sharing and receiving a post from my lovely friend steve 🙂

I'll be tuning in a lot.

Take care all

Claire x

(((((Claire)))))) Hi sweetie! I'm glad to see you back, but know you're not glad of the circumstances. But, I'm very proud of you for taking the steps you know you need to to get yourself back on the right track. You know I had a few big bumbles myself along the way, and I can't say I haven't been pretty close to going back several times, so I know how easy it is to get back in that habit!

There are so many new faces here I just can't keep up with them anymore, so I do what I can, and try to take care of myself along the way. So glad to see you, my friend!

Love,

Anna