Here goes nothin :-)

8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

gimme a 'C'

gimme a 'L'

gimme an 'A' 'I' 'R' 'E'

🙂

two things occurred to me as I read your post...things that are helping me to grow and change.

#1 - I cannot control other people (including how they feel), places and things. The only one that I have control over is peg.

#2 - The serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Hello Claire

Hope you well, it sounds as though you have been doing really really well - which is fantastic news.

It sounds form your last message that you difficulities with others is as Peg so nice put it (well done peg you really are fantsticly spot on as always) The serentiy sentance. Accept the things that you can't change and find ways around them and focus all you eneregies on the things you can change.

Take care and keep strong

Scott x

hi all,

thanks peg, it was funny you mention the serenity prayer because as i typed earlier i thought about it. its so right that you cannot have control over anyones behaviour/actions other than your own. and there is no point in worrying about the things i cannot change only the things i can. at the moment the thing i can change and i have control over is my gambling addiction and i think that is a very good place to start 🙂

i'm so glad you're back scott, gonna go look at your diary now and post you.

claire xxx

I just LOVE the last line of the serenity prayer..it's also the one I find the hardest.

Thanks for reminding us of it Peg, its a few lines of real wisdom, for life as well as for gambling.

Congrats on your gamble-free days Claire, hope all is well!

Susie x

Clair, on Mark's diary you said: this payday i won! because i never gambled so i was technically *** up as i had not gambled it away. i hadn't just won financially i had won emotionally too.

Absolutely!!! I agree 100 %...every day that I do not gamble I win...money and otherwise..

You GO girl!

Hi all

thanks to susie and peg for your postings. today i feel like a real winner. I had to go to town this morning. went to jobcentre, store and bumped into a friend and chatted for a while before getting the bus home. i realised as i stepped off the bus not once had i thought about going to one of the three 'bandit shops' within walking distance of where i was. god was i elated!!! i also then realised i had my bank card in my purse having not returned it to my mum (must do that later). in actual cash i didnt have much so maybe that is why sub conciously i never thought to go?? i know that every trip to town will not be this easy but it is a good feeling to have had one. hopefully one of many to come 🙂

I am 9 days free of gambling and i will not gamble today 😉

claire xx

Hey Claire,

Another day done and dusted and under your belt.

Sounds like you have had a good day with out even a thought of the machienes - that is really great. You should feel so proud of yourself.

Heading on for the 2 week mark now.

You should plan to do something special for the 2 week mark - jsut something little that you can do for yourself - doesn't even have to be anything expensive - have a nice meal or go out and do something fun and childish like playing "pooh sticks" if you have a stream or river near by - i find that can be very relaxing yet good fun.

I don't know roungly your area or kinda location but if you live near a beach i would definalty recomend that as build sandcastles is a great way to spend a couple of hours. i have become a little more of a regular down the seafront at lunchtimes now and its almost worrying as the other day a lady that walks her dog along the sea wall each day stopped to say hello - at htat point i realised that i must be doing this far more than i thought - think i am getting a reputation as that odd suit guy that builds sandcastles - still never mind i find that it helps.

well done again on today and keep up the excellent work - you should feel so proud and happy.

Scott x

Claire,

Thanks for your lovely message on my diary...(((hug)))

So great to hear about your trip into town. It reminded me of something a college friend (blimey this is a few years ago!) said once when she was comforting another friend who had just split up with her long term boyfriend. She was saying that at first you feel like you will never ever be happy again, and that you will feel miserable all the time. But then, after a while, you might one day have a few minutes where you forget. The misery bit might come back, but for a few minutes it's not there anymore. And then, a bit later still, it might be an hour. Then a day. Then a week.

Maybe it works the same with overcoming gambling. Not that we should forget totally (in case of slips) but the pain it causes starts to fade as we get back into normal life.

Scott is just great at coming up with fun things to do that you might have done in childhood. The ducks in both our towns are now getting rather large due to all that feeding etc! It's great advice!

Hope all is well!

Susie x

Hi all

Thanks Scott for your posting, its good to have you back. its funny - i live in Cumbria - the lake district. right by the sea and i went for a walk on the beach the other day with a friend. i haven't done that for years and i loved it. although we were chatting about his problems, the wind in my hair, the spray of the sea - it was georgeous!

i think when you're wrapped up in compulsive gambling you forget about the finer things in life - the things that cost nothing.

i've just had a look at someone elses diary and they said

I seem to be jealous or hate people who are good with money

i really have the urge to dislike people who are good with their money. i have 2 friends in particular who are very good witht their money, who ask me to do things all throughout the month because their pay never seems to run out!! it really P****s me off!! hopefully something that willl not need to anymore. it wasn't as though i didn't want to do the nice things they were - nights out, meals, cinema etc but i never had the money as it was in the bottom of a bandit. i used to get furious with myself for the things i missed out on. but no more!!! although it'll take a while until my money is completely my own - diggin myself out of financial c**P hole due to gambling - i really believe this will happen and i will enjoy nice evenings socialising with my friends.

i do believe and this is some way off that my biggest challenge will be to move out and run a house financially. i want it so much. i lived away from home from 19-24 relatively successfully. i moved home to go to university. my gambling started to spiral out of control after this, i wonder if it would have done sooner but the lack of financial responsibility tipped me over? haven't seen the connection before - interesting!

after i moved home i felt a lot of pressure from university and had a couple of close bereavements - i escaped on bandits.

i think i'll need the financial support from my mum well into me having my own place - only having a little money, her holding the purse strings. hey, whatever works!! i only want to experience success although i know only to aim for progress not perfection eh peg 🙂

its been 9 days since i gambled and i did not gamble today 🙂

goodnight all, take care xx

Hi susie

finished my posting and i always go back to read it through and found your posting.

thanks for taking the time and you are so right. you have given me a whole new view point to this for me.

i have been bereaved twice in the last 2 years - a boyfriend, 2yrs coming may and my auntie a yr ago december.

you honestly feel like you'll never recover - my god how will i carry on? but i did, both happened during my degree but i carried on, placements, exams, assignments i did it.

although i do still think about them both often and shed a tear at times 🙁 its not as often and its becoming easier to remember the good times rather than the fact they've been taken away from me.

i actually see now that in time this will get easier and every time i go to town, the pub, the bowling alley - anywhere with a bandit - i will not sit watching the lights craving to put my pound coin in. i know i have alot to overcome yet with my addiction but susie you have just given a light at the end of the tunnel - you've tuned me into my addiction in a way i can understand and comprehend.

thank you so much!!! 🙂

i'm 9 days bandit free and i haven't gambled in the 10 mins between this posting and my last 🙂 ha ha

claire xxx

Fabulous!

You are identifying what you need TODAY and are taking care of it...that's what it's all about...I say post a hundred times if you need to (sometimes *I* do!) lol

9 9 9 9 9 9 9 9

did you ever think you'd get to nine?

the breaking it down into smaller chunks idea really does have merit...odaat.

keep it up!! keep doing what you're doing!!

wind in your hair...spray of the sea...

we were missing so much...glad i'm not missing it anymore...YOU TOO!!!

xoxoxo

Hi Claire

Well done on getting through to nine days, how great do you feel?

And the trip to town, you must have been really pleased.

It sounds a lovely area that you live, i have been to the lake district and it is beautiful, you are very lucky. I used to live by the south coast as a child, and when ever i am by the sea it is like going home, (whichever seaside i am at).

Your doing really well,

Stay strong

Tracey :0)

Hi Claire,

Thanks for the advice of staying busy, I am busy most of the time, i have two children one who is four and the other seven, my seven year old is autistic, but things have become calmer with him since he started to go to after school club three nights a week, and the school have been great. Mind you we still have to run him here there and everywhere. :0)

I like the building sandcastles idea, just a shame that Northampton is just about as far away from the sea as you can get, maybe i should get hubby to make a sandpit in the garden, we had one once, but the cats around took a liking to it.

Thank you for your support,

Take care

Tracey :0)

Hi all

just a quick one. had a good day, kept busy and feeling positive. have got a full busy day tomorrow.

hope you're all doing ok, will have a good look on here tomorrow night, going to watch CSI 🙂

nite nite xx

You're in double digits now!!!

10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10