Here goes nothin :-)

hi claire,

Hope you are well just a quick note re pegs previous post about the cg voice.

Without gambling of any sort I have the cg voice (my bad devil) saying the same about am i exaggerating how bad my problem is/have i actually got a problem etc etc is it is oh so familiar (this is posted in my diary).

One of my main concerns is that once i have stopped my gambling of choice will the cg in me find something else to manifest itself on so I am trying to avoid any form of gambling.But as peg said it may not be the case for you.

Just a few of my thoughts thats all probably not really helpful but finding that other people have the same thoughts/issues that i have at the moment is making me understand who i really am.

Thats all for now have a nice day out tomorrow and take care.

Hi all

thanks to cat and peg for your posts. decided to post today before i get ready to go out, if i post and read for a while before think it well get me into a mind set. looking forward to my day out, lots of friends etc.

i am determined to have a bandit free day, there are 2 pubs we are not going into and when i wake up tomorrow i'll be 2 weeks bandit free! gonna go read/post for half hour. Happy easter!!!

Claire xxx

Happy Easter Claire

wtg on your 2 weeks! keep at it

-Q

Hi claire

Happy Easter to you too,

Have jsut been catching up on things and wanted to say congrats for the 2 week mark.

Its not easy going and you have done so so well.

Have jsut been reading about justification on other sorts of gambling form a couple of your replys and I found similar things - i would try and justify in my herad that i could pop into a bookies as that was never my thing - I stopped myself - but then had thoughts about trying a little sport betting online again stopped myself - i really think for me - if i found a replacement it would then take over and become a new addiction very very quickly - i ahve actually since starting my diary stopped all forms, scratch cards, lottery tickets and even those stupid phone in quiz's like on deal or no deal - and i do feel the beifit of it, not only in my bank account but in myself -

Its different for everyone i know and its what works for you that really counts - Kepp up the good work thought as your doing fantastic

SCott x xx

Hey Claire,

Congrats on two weeks. I just started reading more on other peoples diaries. I am coming up on four weeks. My last bet was March 16, 2007.

Mark

(((claire)))

hope you had a lovely Easter.

you said if i post and read for a while before think it well get me into a mind set.

it's the same for me, as well...starting out my day here...keeps me grounded...connected to sanity.

This cg mind can start twisting things if I stay away too long 🙂

love to you!

congrats on two weeks.

peg

Hi all

thanks (((peg))) as always.

went out sunday had a good day, the worst disaster i encountered was my feet were killing me by the end o the night!!!

apart from that it was pretty uneventful, good tho.

still feeling content with how things are going but feeling a little low, not so much happy now.

think this is because i get paid on friday. am not to worried as i have all my usual precautions in place. am worried because not altogether sure what wages i will get and i'm trying pay money back to people. worried will i have enough? etc. its getting me down. hopefully i will get a payline tomorrow at least then i'll know what i'm getting to work things out. i know i've a tight couple of months coming up so this'll be my last decent wage to pay a bit off. think its because i owe people money not credit cards and things, i owe to my friends and family so i want to pay a bit off.

i'll feel better once the payline comes, even if its not enough at least i'll know and can then deal with it. i'm not good with anticipation, drives me mad (god knows how i became a cg 🙂 i'm a get the facts and deal with it person! am waffling now so gonna go.

take care all, claire xxx

God knows how i became a CG too but what i have realised is that i am starting to find the true me who i really am and what makes me tick.

i'm going to be having a few tight months too but i'm sure i'll get over it.

No doubt you'll be watching CSI now last episode of life on mars for me.Take care claire.

Craig x

Hi Claire just checking on you as we do. Looking at my own recovery with the debt side on things sometimes I think I was in too much of a hurry to get on top of things. Main thing is your own well being, food and a roof over your head. Put those sore feet up, the rest of the stuff will happen in time.

All the best Claire, James

James

Hi all

thanks james for reading my posts and for posting. i'm quite lucky as far roof over my head etc, i live with my parents at the moment.

i have been thinking about your username tho - this time next year. i know i need to take my recovery odaat but i do have things that i think about for the future. TTNY - i want to be working full-time (teaching), i want to have started looking for my own house to buy - to move into in the summer holidays, to have finished my induction year in teaching, to have a good amount of savings ready for a deposit etc, to be happy/content! alot to think about and alot to do but all do-able 🙂 feel like i can do all these things, feel like i've taken control back in my life thro not gambling. therefore i have control in others areas of my life my weight, finances, planning ahead. i can do all these because i'm in control now. wot a good feeling!

take care, claire xxx

Evening Clarie

Just bee ncatching up through your diary and it all sounds so so positive, it sounds like you are really doing so well.

You have aims and goals and are heading towards them.

Every thing is do able - jsut takes the right frame of mind and it sounds like you have the frame of mind all set in your head - so well done claire, keep up the great work and keep going so strong

Scott

Hi all

well its happened again! really P****d off with myself!

this is the worst slip to date. i went out with a friend for a drive and stopped for food. went somewhere i'd not been before and i had no barriers in place and there it was. my favourite bandit, the one i had the biggest problem with. biggest problem due to it being ВЈ2 a go £500 jackpot - man can they eat money quickly.

told my mum as soon as i got home, she asked 'could you just not stop yourself because it was there?' thought about it and no, i couldn't. it was there, i resisted initially but then gave in. thought i vould just have a 'little' go - the CG voice in my head - not heard from her for a while - turns out she's still in there! am just glad i didn't have other money with me - only lost some of my own. i did walk away with some because i suddenly realised what i'd done. pity i didn't realise quicker. having mixed emotions now, part of me feeling really hacked off but part thinking of the positives of the experience - think some of my recovery/brain retraining kicked in for me to walk away. this has just shown i have by no means got this bloody awful thing sorted. i didn't think i had but i did think i'd come a long way. think i have, just got a bit too confident. think if i'd still been apprehensive claire i might have walked away from the situation straight away, suggested a change of venue. all things for me to think about. still feel thankful for some things i've written about here. sad for whats happened - but need to be positive and continue with my recovery.

take care all, claire xx

((((((((claire)))))))

sorry for the slip...glad you didn't hurt yourself too badly.

it's a new day, party girl 🙂

keep smiling,

odaat,

xoxoxo

Hi all

thanks (((peg)))

had a nice day out with friend today, met a college friend for lunch. am a little annoyed over the money i lost yesterday, wishing i could get it back, have no intention of trying to get it back - know where i'd end up. still peeved about it though! still i have today, just have to forget about the money and move on.

hope everyone is ok, gonna go read/post for a while.

take care all, claire xx

claire, if its any help to you at all, i want to share this with you.

i stopped gambling in august 2005. By novemeber 2005, i had had 3 slips.

Someone said to me that he had had several slips b4 he managed to get his act together, and that he looked at each slip as a practice attempt at getting his life back together. Then came the time where he had a slip, and thought, that's it - no more.

i took the same inspiration from it, and that was nov 17th 2005. I have not looked back since.

it has taken me that bit longer to get my head together, but now i know i am firing on all cylenders.

be patient with yourself, it will happen for you, if u want it badly enough