Here I go again. Day 1

So it's 2 days since I gambled. Seems such a small amount of time, I have had 21months gambling free, however I know that my longest gambling free periods all started with day 1 and day2 etc so I'm on the right track. I slept really well last night am I'm hoping that's because I've started my diary again and I have my group meeting on Tuesday. It's never good for me to miss a group session when I'm under pressure however because it was my grandads funeral I had no choice in the matter. At the moment I'm waiting for my withdrawl to come through from the online casino to appear in my bank to clear my balance( at present I have £1300 in withdrawls to go out) I'm still shocked my bank allowed me to overdraw so much. I don't understand how I can go from not gambling for 8 months then gambling over £1300 in a few hours. I'm just lucky I won enough to cover it. I have banded myself from this casino and wanted to ban myself from the others but was told even though I have a gambling problem I need an account first. Well I cant n

Open an account and not gamble because if I could I wouldn't have a problem. I don't see why there isn't some way to block yourself from online casinos without having an account.

Anyway roll on day 3.

Hi NT Thanks for that info I have a block on my home computer have for years. It's my iPad i gambled on. What I meant was I thought because there are so many problem gamblers out there I wondered why you can't contact any online casino and ask them to block your details without you having had an account with them first . The thing with me is I have a very implusive nature and don't tend to think thing through before I do them. I know casinos are trying to make money but I really feel that if the have an gambling awareness policy ( I think that's what it's called) especially the big company's, I shouldn't have to gamble with them to be able to self exclude myself from their casinos. I will be getting a block for my iPad.

Talking of implusive behavier I have after 25 years of being on pay as you go I have took out my first phone contract this morning.

As for self exclusion project I tend to self excluded my self after every gambling binge I have. Which is why I would love to be able to do it before I gamble.

I'm going to try to do this In the future.

Just woke up on day 3 gf. At the moment I'm obsessing about when my withdrawl will go through. I don't know why but I always seen to have an obsession about something. My problem is 1 thing is never enough for me I can't sit and watch tv without doing something else like being on my iPad or reading while listening to music. I guess my brain needs loads to occupy it all the time

Keep reading scare stories about casinos not paying out so hopefully this will put me off in future.

At the end of day 3. Went out with my daughters and had a meal. The worst thing about gambling is how it makes me feel afterwards.

So i haven't gambled for 4 days. I'm feeling a bit more positive about stoping yet again. I really feel stupid at the moment why do I allways forget about how I feel after gambling. Yes while gambling it makes me forget everything that's going on but as soon as I stop I feel a 100 times worst.

Hi chase,

Well done on 4 days, the early days are hard as we try to adjust our minds, pleased to read you are feeling more positive this morning.

Stay strong and keep going forwards

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne thanks for the knd words. I'm feel a lot more possitive now.

Aim really begging to think I'm a lost cause when will I learn. I wonder if I get a thrill from wondering if an online casino will pay me my withdrawl. It's getting to the stage where I don't understand why I'm doing this c**P to myself. It's not for the money that's for sure. I'm really scared this time it's getting out of control again.

I can't go in like this. So disapointed in my self. The only good thing is at least I self exclude everytime after I've played. I wish I could self exclude before I play.