Here we go!

Well done on getin over your blip...thats the mark of a man on a mission.

Its not how many times you get knocked down..its about how u get up

Very true pal cheers

27 days down! Nearly the first little challenge that i set myself of a month done.

Not getting complacent yet tho, still working hard. Everybody has noticed a difference in me, and says i have a spring in my step. (still amazes me what this addiction can reduce you to)

Me and the wife also expecting our second child (another boy).

Even more determined to make it now. Life is about so much more than gambling.

Peace out

Well back to day one after a relapse that lasted a month. I had my last bet a couple of weeks ago and have spent the last couple of weeks TRYING to pick myself back up.

Another development is that my missus found out everything, i always hid it from her mainly because of the shame and guilt. She found out when a new credit card came through that id applied for to consolidate some debt. It didnt take much probing before i crumbled.

There was alot of tears and dissapointed "whys" but as you all know explaining a gambling addiction to someone who doesnt have it is dam near impossible. We spoke all night and laid everything out. I also gave her my login details to this site so she could read through exactly whats been going on.

I am so happy to say she has agreed to support me through it all. I honestly dont know what id do without her or what ive done to deserve her. There were obviously ulitimatums and terms and conditions but i am so happy to now have someone in my corner. Shes one in a million she really is- its gunna be a long old road but just feel that extra stregth now

The last 5 days have been so easy. No urges whatsoever. Trying to get back into things that i enjoyed that seemed to take a backseat whilst i was out of control, played football last night and scored a hat trick in a 4.0 win 🙂 Then had a pint with the lads, its the little things i need to start enjoying again.

So 5 days gamble free. and smashing it at the minute.

Keep getting texts of our lass which just lift me more than a winning bet ever did. Just recieved this as i was typing:

"Morning darling how are yo this morning? Honestly i hope you slept abit better knowing you are not alone anymore n i hope a weights been lifted for you. Like i said last night take each day as it comes instead of dwelling on the past or longing for the future. I really want to be there for you and support you but you need to help yourself too hun n i like to think im a very forgiving person especially with people i love the most. But everyone has a breaking point, neither of us know when that will be but it will come eventually and it breaks my heart so please do this not just for yourself but for me and the boys. I believe in you darling so believe in yourself xxxxxxxxxi love youxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Colt 11, fabulous you've got the support of your lives one, amazing lady! I'm seem positive and ready to battle this awful addiction head on...go you! Wish you luck and keep checking in and reading other diaries. Maybe your partner could read some more diaries, help her to understand this horrible addiction a little more. Good luck and stay strong. C x

Thanks Charley! Feel this is the start of a new chapter! Feeling so much stronger and positive.

Colt11 wrote:

"Morning darling how are yo this morning? Honestly i hope you slept abit better knowing you are not alone anymore n i hope a weights been lifted for you. Like i said last night take each day as it comes instead of dwelling on the past or longing for the future. I really want to be there for you and support you but you need to help yourself too hun n i like to think im a very forgiving person especially with people i love the most. But everyone has a breaking point, neither of us know when that will be but it will come eventually and it breaks my heart so please do this not just for yourself but for me and the boys. I believe in you darling so believe in yourself xxxxxxxxxi love youxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Colt thanks for the drop by on my diary!

I've quoted part of your post, anytime you feel the urge to gamble just read that lovely message from your wife. You could even print it on to a piece of paper and keep in your wallet. No bet or odds in the world is worth giving that up. You are the master of your own destiny.

All the best

Well here i am 13 days done and its going very well. Not even an urge at the moment. Our lass was working over the weekend so i had the boys, just been paid so took them to a huuuuuuge soft play area and then out for fish and chips. (I just had a cup of tea, made the excuse that i wasnt hungry but i was just getting close to the budget i had set myself for the day) went home did some painting then went conker picking. Ive said a million times its the little things that count.

The whole weekend passed without so much as a niggle of an urge. I was pretty gutted when europe lost the ryder cup, but had to smile to myself when it hit me i hadnt actually put any money on it.

Me and my wife talk most nights most of it is me putting her mind at rest, she still doesnt understand the technicalities for the addiction (to be fair i wouldnt want her to) We were talking alot about if or not when the time is right to tell my sons. they say it can be hereditary, so would we want to warn them??? we decided in the end just to watch out for any signs etc, warning them could plant a seed. Its a tricky one.

Anyway onwards and upwards. This weekend we have a babysitter so im gunna take the missus out for a meal and a few drinks. (money i have saved back of course)

I will toast to a life without gambling and to each and every one of you on here that are fighting the good fight.

Peace out!

So happy for you Colt11, sounds like the perfect weekend! You're absolutely right, the small things in life are the best and to be fairC usually cost very little or are free. Great you can talk to your wife about things too. Enjoy the rest of your week and have a lovely meal with your wife. Take Care Cx

18 Days done! Easy- i had a slight urge when i was bored at work the other day- apart from that absolutely nothing.

Still keeping things close that really matter.

Started refereeing on a sunday- only u12's to help out the local football club but it gives me an extra 40 quid a week- it pays for my fuel or goes to my missus and some to buy some extra xmas presents. Not for me obviously i dont think santa will visit me this year- i havent been very good.

Fixed my cooker and the boiler this week to try and save money from calling professionals out. Actually enjoyed it. Gave me a sense of satisfaction. Obviously saved money aswell.

Anyway onwards and upwards. Busy weekend this weekend- 2 kids birthday partys. Will well and truly keep my mind off things.

Peace out

1 month done!!

Would love to say im smashing it but this last week or so has been excruciating. Just feel exhausted and fed up all the time- partly because im still not sleeping very well but mainly because i cant shut off to the debts we have and the skint state i have put me and my family in. I have alot going on with work at the minute and in other areas of my private life. Still staying strong but seriously longing for some kind of a break. Not much- just something positive.

Also struggleing to talk to my wife- she asks alot about how i am and how it is going and i just reply "fine". Need to open up more. I honestly thought once i had all the payments in place i could just forget and let the numbers go down every month. Its just not that simple. Still abstaining and keeping away from gambling but certainly not breezing it anymore.

Hopefully my next post will be back up there with energy and positivety again.

Peace out

Hi just read your diary and sorry to hear your struggling at the moment. The debts will come down , don't dwell on them as you cannot change it. On a positive note to keep you gf I would keeping reading the text from your wife on post 19. You can all have a better life without gambling best wishes and stay safe

You're doing well mate, you will get some tougher moments. So long as you recognise that gambling isn't the way to get through those moments, you will continue to be fine. Yes, the debts we have are s**t, but keep working, spending time with family and away from the bookies, the debts will take care of themselves. Don't beat yourself up over the debt, that's the old you. Just keep moving forward.

All the best.

Brandon and anon100

Thank you so much for the replies! Means so much. Still staying strong. And so far had a good weekend. I never really struggle until I'm skint and then I seem to crave it. But...... I'm hoping that goes away. At least I'm recognising my weeknesses, thanks for the messages guys

How you doing Colt?