Here we go again

Hello Pelle,

No show for a couple of weeks...I hope all is well with you. Don't give up giving up...come here and tell us about your day.

Mm

Update required Mr Kanin - I hope all is well.

Thanks, Milkman. You are a supportive soul. I'm sorry to say that I have fallen off the wagon again (last night and into this morning) It was the deadly combination of alcohol followed by gambling. I know what you'll say - get the blocks, hand cards over, etc. But the reality is, whatever measures we take there's always 'a way' to get the hit. Anyway, I have to move forward again and try to reprogram my faulty internal coding.

Last week was pretty bad away from gambling: I had to spend a packet of money on my teeth - hadn't been to the dentist for too long, so that blew a hole in the monthly budget. My therapy sessions have been going OK, but they are due to stop next week so I'm not quite sure where that leaves me going forward. I have been working through various depression and behavioural activation strategies focusing on breaking the negative cycle in the cognitive behavioural model of depression. I've basically been feeling depressed and tired, with less energy and motivation to do anything. It's a times like these that gambling seems like a pleasurable outlet, so it's not surprising that I fell off the wagon. Until I am settled in my mind and able to take pleasure in day-to-day activities once again then I'm pretty much stuck in a low place. The next option will be medication from my GP, which has been offered to me as another way out. I'm not sure if that is the solution, and I wanted to try 'talking therapy' first, but I might have to go down the medication route shortly. I'm not sure how antidepressants affect the mind of a gambler - do they help? Does anyone have experience of this?

You mention that you wanted to do the CBT course because therapists and recovering addicts know how we feel and think, so why not find a GA meeting? Nothing better for finding others who you will recognise yourself in, and who will challenge you when you need challenging, which I think is now.

You have come up with all sorts of excuses as to why you won't do certain things that could help you and you've justified any gambling without seeing your fault in this. Now I don't blame you, I understand gambling addiction, but I do blame your lack of action to help yourself. Trying to white knuckle it is never going to work. A few days or more, possibly, but once you get access to money, or feel the need to escape from life for a bit you'll be back at it, which you have been. 

There needs to be changes, especially those changes that you don't want to do. Those are the best ones because it's you actually fighting against this addiction. Blocks are just that, blocks designed to give you time to maybe make a phone call to someone supporting you or time to think about your actions before you do it. 

In GA we use the acronym HOW when asked how do i stop gambling. H is for Honesty. Honest with others as well as yourself. Being honest with yourself is probably the hardest thing to do but is worth it. O is for Openminded. Openminded to ideas other than your own. Openminded that others have walked before you and have the experience to help you get through this, if you let them. W is for Willingness. Be willing to do whatever you have to do, not just the things you want to do.

I'm happy to support anyone trying to keep this illness at bay and any advice you want please just ask, but jsut think about that HOW.

All the best

Chris.

@chris-uk 

Hi Chris.

All sorts of excuses may be that people are very emotionally vulnerable.

That because of the pains of our past people are unable to over come their fears and lack of confidence.

In the recovery program I learn that nurturing and encouragement is the way to a healthy recovery.

Beating our self up is not the healthy way.

In the past I felt that I could not help myself from escaping to unhealthy habits.

Only once I understood that recovery was a healing process could I learn to help myself heal.

White knuckle for me was fear based.

I needed and wanted to be honest to myself before I could get honest with other people.

But what if we are frozen in our fears.

Again nurturing and encouragement people demonstrating what a deep seated honest therapy helps me understand more about myself, and then to be able to articulate how vulnerable I am at any one day.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK 

Thanks guys. Chris, you are completely right in what you say. I think part of my problem is finding it so hard to give up any sense of pride (not that I've got anything to be proud about), but hopefully you know what I mean. The idea, as an adult, of relinquishing all control of my finances to another, more responsible, adult is a pretty damning indictment of myself and my life. I know these are things we need to do in order to help ourselves, but humans have a habit of not doing what's best for them. It's why we elect the equivalent of sweet shop owners, rather than doctors, as policitians. A doctor would be there to help us, sometimes through pain and suffering, but we don't want that - we want the sweet allure of something bad for us.

I have stayed clean today at least. To be honest, the next seven days will not be a problem in terms of my ability to gamble because I have run my current account dry (overdraft maxed out at £2,000), and the two, small-limit credit cards I have access to are both maxed out (£1,000 each). All my other credit cards (on which I have a stagnant heap of historic gambling debts) are cut up and I don't have the numbers for the cards either. I have a £12k loan, which I started repaying in January, and I will just whittle that down month-after-month for the next three years.

I will certainly look at going to a GA meeting soon. My CBT sessions finish on Friday, so I should try GA next. Do you know whether you can turn up virtually at an online meeting, even if it represents a part of the country in which you don't live? I notice there are quite a few online GA meetings running in Sheffield for some reason. Perhaps it's a hotbed of gamblers.

Right, onwards. This coming week is going to be seat-of-my-pants times financially. FML.

@pellekanin there are still some online meetings but they aren’t as good as the real thing. 
If you look on the GA website I believe it says which meetings are online. Normally it will give an email to contact in order to get a PIN number for the meeting.

Good luck with your week. 
Chris.

I have managed to get through the first three days of this week without gambling and without spending any money. I am avoiding leaving the house or going to any shops in order to remove any temptations to spend. After my latest round of dentistry, I have cut out all junk food - so no sweets, chocolates, biscuits, sweetened drinks, etc. That will save me some cash over the coming weeks and months. I need to follow the Mark Twain mantra for a healthy life: "eat what you don't like, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."

I need to get some side hustles going in order to supplement my modest income. My income would be acceptable if it weren't for my stagnant gambling debts, but I simply have to earn more along with clamping down on my expenditure. I have a few avenues to explore further in terms of income streams. I also need to sell off some more of my books and CD collection online. I keep putting it off, but the time has come to start listing things online again. I don't really listen to CDs anymore as I tend to use Spotify, and I tend not to read books more than once. I'll get rid of everything that doesn't have some form of emotional connection. Decluttering is always satisfying once it's underway.

Onwards.

@pellekanin 

That is healthy three days clean without gambling.

I needed to learn that to stop rewarding myself while being healthy is not healthy.

Fulfill our healthy needs then spend money on treating our self on small things.

To reduce junk food indicates you are caring and respecting your self more very healthy.

To exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits, well done.

I use to be very unsettled by my gambling debts, once I got stable payments in order made things much easier for me and my family.

You read books more than once, that is very clever and healthy.

I am not able to do that myself.

I often leave things for a while before I dispose of them until my thinking is clearer.

Clarity and focus took time for me to learn.

Learn from our past unhealthy habits, exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits, that is the path to healthy living.

Well it's the first day of Lent, I have Covid, and the world seems to be self-imploding on itself. Still, no reckless gambling to report so that is a small crumb of consolation in my life.

I spent yesterday in bed and watched a host of gambling documentaries and interviews. I'm sure many of you have seen the Paul Merson BBC documentary 'Football, gambling and me'.

It's also on YouTube if you can't watch BBC. What a humble and lovely guy Paul is. I had so many similar feelings. I think he speaks for so many of us.

There is also a good interview 'Gambling Addiction and the Long Road to Recovery' with Paul Merson and Fearne Cotton.

We are not bad people; we are unwell. Stay strong all.

Really disappointed that the moderators felt it necessary to remove the links I provided in my post above. The links were there TO HELP PEOPLE as I thought the content I was referencing was excellent and would be appreciated by other people like me (not, I assume like moderators who probably don't need any gambling help). Having read the etiquette board, I do not believe what I posted breached any of the rules. In fact it definitely DID "reflect the purpose or theme of the specific Forum".

If you don't want people posting links then why do you provide that facility in the ribbon of tools above the box in which I am typing? It doesn't make any sense.

Fine - check links to make sure they are accurate, but why remove them altogether? We need as much help as we can get. Pathetic behaviour.

@pellekanin 

Hi

In understanding my emotional I understood that my anger was due to my pain my fears and my frustrations.

Lashing out in anger helped me understand the rage in me was the pains of my past not healed.

Lashing out in anger I was in effect hurting myself and my relationship with other people.

Was there any thing healthy in trying to hurt other people when I am hurting in myself. 

In understanding my unhealthy frustrations was due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By me having unreasonable expectations I was causing myself further pains fears and frustrations.

Living in my pains and not healing them was not healthy for me.

Living in my fears and not facing my fears was not healthy for me.

Having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was causing myself more and more pains was not healthy for me or any one else.

Please be kind and gentle to your self.

I often use to say or do things which I knew in myself to not be healthy for any one.

I do hope you are able to heal and find a healthy recovery.

Love and peace to every one.  

Dave L

@pellekanin 

Hi

Sorry to hear you have infection.

No gambling to report sounds like a good idea.

If you have the time on your hands please watch After life on Netflix.

It is excellent.

So true we are all not bad people; we are just emotionally vulnerable.

Should you be in bed with a nurse then.

Wish you well.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

I'm afraid to say that I gambled recklessly today. Heart-wrenching and gut-churning. I have reset the clocks to zero and am clambering back onto the wagon with my tail between my legs.

I'm also afraid to say that my wife caught me at it this afternoon. First time that's happened. Well, she said "why were you watching horse racing?". I replied "I was just checking something" and quickly changed the subject. She didn't pursue it. The experience made me realise that my wife didn't even seem to realise what was going on. She's either blind or else trusts me far too much. It's probably a bit of both. Anyway, it was a wake-up call as I can't let things unravel right now - there's too much financial carnage. I've taken safety measures this evening and have redoubled my efforts to beat this addiction. If I can get a few weeks and then a few months under my belt then at least she'd be able to see that I've made some progress off my own back, and the financial turmoil will have settled. It's hard, but I've done this before. Come on FFS.

@pellekanin Sorry to read your post above. The CBT clearly didn't work for you. Did you try to get to a GA meeting?

Chris.