Hope

Hey you,

That's good to hear ☺. Self care is needed for sure.

Little steps forward.

As of the 10k...i am excited. Mainly cause I have something to look forward to. One of my negative traits is having nothing to look forward to. I am outgoing person deep down,it's just learning to get out of that shell again! Besides Peaks are beautiful and I can't wait to see the scenery...another massive push forward - too see our comrade for the first time..and I knew him for 4 years now!
I would still love to do a race with you. Never know huh...esp I noticed how many events coming up in all parts of UK.

..but first let me come back on my 2 feet from this one lol..i am not as fit & healthy as I look! 😛

Stay safe dear friend...stay true to you

B&S xx

Hey nice one, 10km in the peak district by the sounds of it. Who's the comrade prey tell...am just being nosey 🙂

Am just back from a good run, better than being at work!

Ive just seen on the web, Trump tweeting about the web needing to be shut down to deal with terrorism. And there we go folks, thats my prediction, the next big "false flag" event will be connected to the internet and once its over they will introduce draconium new laws to curb our access to the internet and what we can see, read and do.

Anyway back to my life... no thoughts of gambling today.. am coping well with not having work to focus on.

Thanks for listening

Haha..if you were on FB more, you would know by now 😛
Top secret in other case lol

Hmm..yup, I read about Trump's tweet...partly agree believe me or not as do think social media is biggest fuel for the attacks! ..but it's only my opinion cause what do I know huh...

Hey! A run complete huh..great going! I did all 5 miles walking for starters lol (another 5-10 to follow at work 🙂 )

Keep being kind to you...self care SA...self care!!!!

Cxxx

Blumin hell... no self-care here. Ive been a numpty again. It was less than £10 but it was all the money I had in my flat at that moment in time... all put it to the bookie machine at 20p a spin... gone in a flash. That money could have paid for my taxi to work this morning or bought me some food.. but instead i just frittered it away in a moment of stupidness.

The trigger was stress about being paid monthly. I worked myself up into lather, convincing myself that my new manager won't sign my timesheet cos I won't have filled it out as she wants or I haven't taken breaks off the hours or its not been put in the right folder for when she goes to sign these things or mine gets missed and then when i don't get paid she will say "well you will get paid next month" as if its fine which it might well be for people who live in the normal world and have savings but its not for me... I need the money... the prospect of rent arrears is freeking me out. None of the above has happened, but its in my head space and its doing my head in

Geeee... ive just worked a 15 hour shift... up at 4.30 a.m, cycled 5 miles on a flat tyre.. worked 7a.m to 10 pm... am now hom,e and am f****d.... stressing about money... full of what if's and catastrophising everything. Feeling really f*****g ill in the head.

Thanks for listening

something else I remind myself of. I no longer have credit to fall back on when I f**k up. Its easy to hide this addiction when you have access to credit... when that comes to an end... the consequences of gambling become much more real... come on... work recovery... you can do it.... you can do it!!

Note to self..... feeling much calmer after having had some sleep!

To most normal people, having gambled about £8.40 (which I think is what it was) is of little or no consequence. But to me a compulsive gambler trying to stop, it f****d with my head. My mental illness showed its ugly head. This morning I have returned to a more realistic way of thing and being.

Be good to myself... no more crazy shifts.

Thanks for listening

Note to self.... even gambling a very small amount of money WILL mess with your head space!

Hey S.A....

Are you in enough pain yet? That's the question you need answer to yourself.
I didn't understand the meaning of it for a long time. Haven't fully sussed it myself yet, but when we cannot carry on as we are, we make a massive step forward..make a change. You know that help/support is out there...but first think about that question..

My thoughts are with you.

Ps..accidentally flagged one of us posts as abusive..admin -.please ignore .

Hugs

B&S xx

S A you must be mentally and physically exhausted, please cut yourself some slack(Easier said than done right?)I've started to give myself a cash budget(after bills)?every Monday and am just aiming to make it through everyday, Hope I'm not being patronising but just hope you can break this cycle and find the self worth you deserve take care S:)

Clearly i haven't had enuff pain. Am scared.

Today I start to turn my life around...

No gambling since last post.

I never give up giving up, even if I do feel like a bit of a joke of a human being.

I will change.

You always get back up and keep fighting, big respect S A. Take care of yourself you are worth it S x

Thanks sharon... no gambling since my last post.

Am feeling stressed this morning, slept badly, am over tired and worried about money of course. Its doing my head in that i will have to wait until the middle of october to see if... A... whether I have been paid atall and B... if i have been paid, how much it is... The manger whom i have only spoken to on a couple of occasions is on annual leave for two weeks. I have bills to pay and creditors to negotiate with and its all on hold. I have just enuff money week to week (for food and bus pass) because of odd shifts with the agency...that being paid weekly. My life on the financial and psychological edge continues.

Having said all of this, ive only got myself to blame. My compulsion to watch spinning reels has ruined me and always has. never been good at this self-forgiveness thing... but I will give it a go.

I won't f**k up today...my first day off for ages... deep breaths, meditate, go for a run, tidy my pig sty of a flat, have chats with friends, eat well etc... will try to do at least some of these things.

Thanks for listening

Hi S.A.

kindness to self comes in many forms. I have never cooked before..now I'm mastering some nice dishes. Cheap, healthy, quick and filling. Food, same as sleep (& some excersice) is fuel for balanced body and mind.
Keep chipping away, better things will start coming your way....but please - start from yourself.

You're worth it..no more pain - just for today.

Ps. Still would suggest to try GA. Nothing ventured..nothing learned/ gained.

Stay safe

B&S xx

blimey... my head is all over the place today. I always struggle on a "day off" after a long stretch of work. Am stressing about little things now.

I wanted some washing powder, liquid or tablets...which ever cheapest but I also want my clothes to come out smelling better than when they went in. Anyway I think ive ended up buyinh a bottle of fabric conditioner only. Its like why doesn't it say what it is on the bottle?? I have it hereit reads Lenor, large pack, 76 washes, spring awakening, 4x longer freshness.. but it doesn't actually say what the product blumin well is... does it "clean" my clothes or does it just soften the fabric or is it just something extra that makes the clothes smell nice???... answers on a postcard... cos i don t know. Maybe if I drink it i will find out its actually a blueberry milkshake lol