Hope

Hi SA..

Taking over GC huh lol...already smell flowery!

I responded to you before but posts clashed. Scroll bk my friend.

Ps. Don't drink any liquids..safety first 😉

yes... good stuff, cooking. I use to cook a bit, now i just eating sandwiches, bowls of cereal..all washed down with lots of sugary coffee. I find once I start to calm myself and get some gamble free time behind me, then i start doing normal things again.. I need a run today... too much nervous energy. Thanks for your thoughts x

Self talk.. Its no wonder I feel so f****d today. Ive just been looking at what ive worked the last few days... it goes like this...

21st 7 a.m till 2.30 pm

22nd 7a.m till 2.30 pm

23rd 7a.m till 2.30 pm

24th 2pm till 10 pm

25th 7 am til 10 pm

26th 9.30 am till 4.30 pm

....and its not like am jumping in my car 6.30 a.m. When I do an early am leaving flat at 5.30 am, getting the bus and then a walk

... and this is how it is for me, with gambling in my life. I gamble. I panick. I work stupid hours. I gamble. I panick. I work stupid hours. Am sure many of you can relate to this.

Am doing stupid hours again over the next few days... but then it will STOP. I can't live this way anymore.

It was that 7a.m till 10pm that really killed me off

Wow! those shifts! That is a person who has not yet mastered self-love.

f x

PS - Lenor just freshens....but use a squirt of washingup liquid. Just the amount you'd use for dishes.... or hand soap.

Well this is it Freda and what have I got to show for all this work... nothing, nothing at all. Just a big pile of debt.

Ive just paid my £1 token payment to my major creditors. I'd almost forgotten that they were there, as they all backed off and were perfectly understanding, but that won't last of course. I guess at the moment they may think that i will get back on track with payments... but that ain't gonna happen. My barclaycard wants me to pay £198 now when I have precisely £2.58 in my account.

I was gonna go out to a social thing with my neighbour but the £5 I had for the evening has had to be spent on a charger cable for my phone. Old charger bust. I need a phone that is charged. My last gambling event a week ago brought me to the end of the financial road.

No gambling. I put my hands high in the air. I surrender. I surrender!!

Working the steps, again. Sweet surrender!

f x

Thanks f

Well no gambling since my last post. Its been a close run thing mind. Whenever am not working the urges have been strong, even when I have a very small amount of money in my pocket. Anyway am sticking at it. I become a little mentally stronger as more time passes.

Thanks for listening

Hi S A glad your ok, your post just made me think about free time as back then it would mean gambling time. Then in early recovery struggling to not gamble, be bored, over think. Now free time is a joy and I try and fill it with either something constructive(yawn) or something nice for me that costs little or nothing. Big up for staying GF hope everyday away from gambling is a day towards better times. Take care S 🙂

Thanks Sharon...

Urges to gamble still coming thick and fast. But am managing to bat them away....

Have just paid my electric bill.... I wouldnt have been able to do that if i'd of succumbed to gambling

Thanks for listening

No worries great to be able to dismiss those urges and get back on track with bills. Have a good weekend take care S:)

Have you thought about going to a GA meeting, SA?

f x

Thanks both... Ive been in and out of GA for years. Usually am working when the usual meeting I use to go to is on. I have much of the literature. I need to get back to reading it.

I am still gamble free but I continue to have many thoughts. I can currently see the futility of walking into a book makers to "not" win a few hundred quid... but the urge to gamble online is much more tempting. My blocking software stops me.

Am abstaining but my mind is f****d.

Just for today....

I think the connection of a face to face meeting would do wonders for you.

I think it's support you need, as much as the steps.

What do you think?

f x

Connection yes, but am not sure GA is it to be honest. I struggle in groups. Connect in other ways.

Ive been given a number to ring to find out how much am gonna get paid... am nervous... money is critical, bills to pay, creditors to negotiate with. I rang the number and just got a voicemail. As long as I get something, as long as my timesheet got processed... but I just don't know.

No gambling, continuing to dismiss the thoughts. I need to run today. Ive been eating rubbish and getting fat.

Thanks for listening

hmmmm... I will be paid, it was processed, i don't know the figure i will get... but its such a relief.

Great! one less thing to stress about 🙂 Running sounds like a good plan!