Hope

Thank you tomso.

What a very strange day ive had. Its almost as if my higher power is trying to guide me to a better place by reminding me what my issues are. ive been through the mill today. i have to type this one hand because my other is all bandaged up. I was havi8ng a sort out and i decided to snap an old metal broom so it would go in the bag and i could chuck it. However the broom had other ideas. It snapped suddenly and sliced though the flesh and nerves of 2 of my fingers... lots of blood... panicked... 999... hospital where i have been all day. not admitted for surgery in the end... not quite as bad as first thought... off to hand injury clinic tomorrow... one of my fingers is numb...and may well be like that forever more.. maybe...

BUT...

What was I concerned with??... travel expenses to get to hospital and back and the fact that when asked for my next of kin... I didn't really know who to put and then couldn't remember what there phone number was. I was a bit embarrassed and then felt really lonely... all these unwell people waiting there turn but chatting with there loved ones and me sitting there all by myself for 6 hours bleeding into a bandage.

Gambling addiction has turned me into a very isolated individual. Its when you need some support and realise that you don't have anyone to turn to or feel that you can turn to.... I must remember this...

thanks for listening

Hey buddy,

That sounds awful. You are having a terrible time of it.

I really hope things get better quickly.

Tomso

Gosh S.A. that sucks! I wish I could give you a hug. (((((SA)))))) all these years I have followed your thread. You seem like such a sweet guy. I hate hearing you're feeling alone. Always listening S.A. xxx

Yo, hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and that your hand heals quickly. Thinking of you, take care .....Shiny 🙂

thanks... my mindset is a mess... and yes ive gambled again.. am not looking for any sympathy, its just from time to time I really don't care what happens to me at all. Am not in this frame of mind today but yesterday i was. After a 2 hour bus ride and 2.5 hours waiting in reception at the hand clinic, they took the bandages off and I was a bit shocked at what i saw. The flesh wound on one finger had opened up wide (i thought my body would have tried to knit it back together) and the end of the finger next to it had swollen and with little sensation. The doc said that i need an operation under the microscope to try and reattached the nerves for one finger and explore and clean the wound in the other finger before closing it up. Even then i was just thinking, can't ya just stitch the wound together and i will be fine and then he just started talking about the delicate structures in the hand and the risks of infection etc etc. All I wanted him to do was close the wound... am never ill, i got a constitution of an ox. I thought I can live with a numb end of one finger. i really didn't care. But before i new it i'd signed the consent form and next week I will have the operation. Deep down I am very grateful to the NHS but this whole saga has highlighted my complete lack of self-care in my mind body and soul. It was very bad yesterday and i went off and did my b******s.

Today it feels like ive had a gentle landing at rock bottom. Worried about money of course. Wooshing I had a proper contract with work, no sick pay. and then my sister phoned and i couldn't answer the phone cos i didn't want to say how rubbish things are. and to top it all ive got very loose bowels... common side effect of anti-biotics.

so yes am woe is me... but at the same time am not gonna do anything daft.. ive been down that road before and its such a selfish act... am happy to be scolded for gamling...

am off to do some cleaning and tidying... workmen for new kitchen coming next week.. it will keep me busy and focussed...

thankd for listening

Hi SA, I'm sorry to hear about your hand accident, do not worry, it will be stitched and sorted in no time. Don't worry about the numbness in a finger tip, of it returns, it returns, if it doesn't, we are used to it, we are numb already in many dimensions.

I'm sorry also the time at the hospital was lonely; I think that's where this forum is at its best; we are one big family here and perhaps we need each other for good times and bad, gaming related or not.

I do feel we are a collection of extremely lonely people, which means we really should get a party started 🙂

Also, sorry about the return to gambling, the key I think is to learn something new about yourself each time you fall. There is a clear story of an emotional trigger (hospital, injury, loneliness, transport cost worries, shock of surgery)... Harness that knowledge, so next time those feelings collide, run to a safer place... This forum perhaps, your friends and family are here. We can help each other through.

Good luck.

Thankyou.

Am upbeat and positive today. Ive thrown away the big red self-destruct button that ive had infront of me for a life time.

I will not do anything to myself that is obviously self-destructive.

I am happy to be alive.

I am grateful for my neighbour and friend who is always there for me even when I retreat into my like hermit ways. I enjoyed are coffee and chat this morning.

Despite my messed up fingers I am grateful for my otherwise good health.

I am grateful for the roof over my head and the new kitchen that is to be installed this week.

I am grateful for the mild settled sunny weather as it helps with my day to day life and mood.

I am grateful. I will not gamble. This is my time.

Thanks for listening

Yo, so pleased you are feeling more positive . Defo makes a difference when the sun is shining .

Take care, bit jealous so need a new kitchen , maybe next year ....... Shiny x

I'm grateful for my old kitchen 🙂

Great to hear it SA, enjoy the good days, let's battle together through the bad.

SA,

Hey buddy glad to hear you are feeling better today.

I was hoping that you may be able to help me with something. Have you ever had runners knee or experienced pain just below your knee? I need to get this fixed.

I never go to the docs but went with this a few months back. Doc told me to stop running and take up cycling. Absolutely ridiculous.

I really miss running and want to get back to 4/5 days per week. I’m at my wits end with this.

Tomso

Hi thomso.... Ive never had a problem with knees. I use to get shin splints when i was a novice runner...doing too much too soon and running alot on the treadmill...ie same surface pressure going to the same part of shin leading (over time) to intense localised pain. i had to stop for a couple of months and then i only ran outdoors and on different surfaces... it worked..not been injured since.

My suggestions are 1. footwear... have you got the right trainers for how you run?... it makes a difference. I over pronate so where trainers with more support for heel arch etc 2. Read on runners forums (google them)... there is a wealth of info for runners injuries and 3... build up slowly.. that thing we don't want to do.

Hope you can find something that helps sort you out.

having my operation tomorrow. i will update then. Today has been a good day.

SA,

Thanks buddy. I’m starting to think it may be the trainers.

Good luck tomorrow I hope everything goes well.

Glad to hear you had a nice day.

Tomso

Blimey... quite a day yesterday..my finger operation. I was completely unprepared for what actually took place. I was expecting a local anaesthetic in my hand, wash the wounds, fix any nerves, close them up..here is your pain killers..off you go. Quick and easy.. but no.. it was pre-op chat with anaesthetists, pre-op chat with surgeons.. change into full gown. That was fun and games trying to tie them up. Rolled into where they numb you and they numbed my whole arm. That was a surreal experience. My whole arm became an utterly useless slab of bone and flesh. It was like it didn't actually belong to me anymore. Even more bizarre to be lying in theatre listening them to talk about my nerves and tendons and the best wat to do this and that and feel nothing, nothing at all. my head was shielded off so couldn't actually watch, so i watched the monitor with all my stats on it. The fella says that am in good shape for a man of my age :-). My operation took 1 hour 11 mins... big clock on wall. they have to keep a close eye on time.. so my arm doesn't start to wake up whilst its sill being sliced :-0. they didn't need to worry... it was 4 hours before the uselesss limb started to come back to life. I'd decided to go for a walk, arm in sling. It was wierd, having to check that my arm was still there. I now have a sense of what it must be like after a stroke... my heart goes out to anyone with useless limbs. Eventually mine came back to life... and then the pain starts. I got home and i Took loads of bandaging off and other stuff off... it was so restricting... can't be doing with that. I am eating my anti-biotics mind. i know infections can kill people

Unsurprisingly c**P nights sleep... but no gambling yesterday. Me and my dead arm did notice the bookies but like i said in a previous post... ive thrown away the self-desstuct button and in any case i only had a tiny bit of money on me.

anyway back to bed..its taken ages to write this..and am real tired. thanks for listening

I'm glad it all went well, despite the shock of the arm slab. Looks like you coped well, and from a gamble point of view, despite a little life stress, dealt with it perfectly.

Thanks for taking the time to write out the experience, I hope you make a good recovery. Onwards to the next life numbing challenge 🙂

Am laughing... two different sets of workmen, one lot ripping out the kitchen, another lot installing front door, both with different sets of music and chat... both drilling... hope my neighbours are enjoying this lol

am off out in abit... leave em to it.

no gambling... taking each day on its merits.

fingers starting the healing process.. pain is less.

thanks for listening.. s.a