Hope

Keep it going mate. Don’t spoil your Christmas by gambling. 

SA,

7. Read through your diary. I spent about an hour reading your diary from the start last night. Still not close to the end. I was reading some very inspirational posts from you from a decade ago. I got to a point where you were something like 456 days off a bet. Incredible stuff. You’re on the road to that again.

Look, you’re aware of your thoughts, you’re aware they’re work/stress related and your doing the right thing - you’ve posted your feelings and you’ve planned a run and relaxing bath. Great ideas.

Keep going. Get through this - the most difficult part. Deal with today and feel good about yourself tomorrow.

P.S. Some impressive distances and times logged not so many years ago. Build a base, log the miles and get it back. You know the drill.

RR

Hiya,

Still reading along. I know it's hard to find good jobs these days but wouldn't retail be far less stressful than this? It sounds very, very stressful. The good news is, lots of jobs are less stressful than this one. Wouldn't you like less stress? 

f x

Didn't make it. let myself down again. Another awful gambling year.

Off to work.... am in survival mode... got to carry on..

SA,

I feel for you buddy.

Just because this year hasnt been good doesnt mean next year can’t be fabulous. As long as you remain hopeful and have an open mind that it is possible for things to change then there is a goal to be had. Regardless, I think you’re fabulous.

RR

How you gambling mate? Surely your excluded from these betting shops. I feel for you mate but like you said to me you will feel better in a few days. You must get all these betting shops excluded from. How far you travelling? To gamble. You can blame work stress and other things and I do the same but I gamble because I enjoy buzz win lose or draw. That’s why I’m banned from every betting shop in a 15 miles radius so when I get the urge I think I can’t be bothered to travel that far and it passes. You 

yes ive got to try and remain hopeful.. as you say RR, ive done hundreds of days gamble free before, I can do it again.

Boro I am excluded from 88 bookmakers at my last count, but if I really want to gamble I will go in anyway. I was asked to leave from one bookmaker but at another I just sat and gambled and nobody batted an eyelid. At the end of the day its down to me.

Well ive ended this year exactly the same as i ended last year, deep in debt, buying  christmas presents from the pound shop, no food in the cupboards and I don't have money to eek through to pay day.... and of course poor mental health, anxious and depressed. Its all grim but it could be worse. I do have a roof over my head

Am taking a break from this forum. In a sick kind of way its actually become a part of my cycle of problem gambling. Am gonna dig deep, get through christmas one day at a time. Am dreading the family meet up, cos ive just got nothing to say for myself. I will update in the new year.

Thanks for listening.

SA,

I’ll be waiting for you buddy.

Take care, be kind to yourself and have a Merry Christmas.

RR

Dear @s-687 ,

I am so sorry to hear you're going through a tough time and that you have decided to take a break from the Forum. Of course, if you feel that being on here isn't helping you, I understand your reasoning. May I suggest a visit to your GP to address how you're feeling? It is best to talk about these things and get them in the open rather than trying to deal with them alone. GPs are also authorised to give tokens to a foodbank if you are struggling to buy food. Or you can visit this website. https://www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/find-a-foodbank/

Please don't forget that our helpline and Netline services are available for 24 hours a day, seven days a week including the Christmas period so if you are feeling low, need to talk or struggling, please get in touch. We are here to help. We can also sign post you to Stepchange.org or Nationaldebtline.org.uk for financial advice.

In the meantime, please take care of yourself.

Best regards

Forum Admin

Hi... thanks both. Am ok, well am not ok, but I am ok if you see what I mean. Am not about to do anything daft. Am just digging deep, work is stressy and the upcoming family visit I just find embarrassing and rather shameful because I can't pay my way. At the end of the day my presence is all that is wanted but it feels very hard when you feel you have absolutely nothing to say for yourself.... absolutely nothing. I will smile but inside I will be hurting. Of course I am responsible for this state of affairs, as i always have been.... its just that this may well be the last year when the whole family is still with us. My parents are not young anymore and neither am I for that matter.

The forum does help by the way. I will be back in the new year, barring an act of god or virgin media disconnecting me (but even then I guess I can go to the library).

Thanks for listening... and happy christmas.

P.s I will develop a positive mental attitude moving forward.

Dear SA,

Merry Christmas buddy.

I went a tame run this morning. Figured Im letting the hair down today with both food and drink. May as well start with a calorie deficit.

Have a good day.

RR

Good to hear you're safe and doing well, in the circumstances.

f x

SA,

I know your taking a break but I thought I’d pop by with a quick message of support.

I hope you’re OK and that Christmas Day with family went well. If it didn't, who cares, family’s are mental. The older I get the more I realise this.

Going for a run this morning. I’m in a bad habit of waking up full up. Need to burn some hard calories this morning.

Take care.

RR

Hi.... am back. Thanks for your thoughts and wisdom everyone 🙂

Just for the records. I last gambled on the 19th December. It was a particularly sick session where my eyes had glazed over and i was gambling just for the sake of gambling. By rights it should have been cut short because I was in a bookies I was excluded from and somebody that new me came up and said... "you excluded yourself didn't you?". Now this was in ear shot of the staff and they did and said nothing. Not that I blame them in any way, cos it was my choice to walk in and gamble. I was psychologically very sick that day and i went home and lay on my bed in the dark and asked to be taken in my sleep to the "other side" cos i couldn't take it anymore. Eventually I went to sleep.

Now inevitably I woke up in the morning and i was still here on earth, alive and strangely with a new and positive attitude. I don't know whether my cry for help had been answered but I somehow felt different, completely different from how I had felt the day before. Its was as if my depression had been lifted and taken away. I felt normal and human once again. Somehow I new that everything was gonna be ok.

I had a nice christmas. No talk of gambling, just enjoyed good food and good company. I didn't have any money but I didn't need any. All that was required was my presence and at no point was i put under any pressure to come up with any money. Eat drink and be merry was the order of the day. My family have become wise to my gambling addiction. They know how to help me. No money, no talk of money, no bailouts, no questioning, no statements of disappointment. They observe how I am handling my problem or not as the case may be. The best way to help me is to do and say nothing, which for many families might be a very hard thing to do but for me it sure does help me to take responsibility for my problem.

Anyway, no gambling since the 19th. Ive made a start.

Thanks for listening

SA,

Brilliant to hear from you. I’m especially happy to learn that you’ve enjoyed a nice Christmas.

You’ve not gambled this decade - that’s something to hold on to. That’s the way I see it. Its not just a new year its a new decade. How marvellous it would be to put gambling behind us and to start a fresh chapter of change in a new decade.

Ive set myself a bonkers challenge of running 2020 miles in 2020. Crazy right. The chances of this happening are limited but 3 months ago the chances of me going a month without gambling were far greater. Anything is possible.

So far Ive ran everyday this year. Ive churned out 6 milers, 5 milers and they are hard work. I’m saddened by how slow I’ve become and how much effort it is to run the same distanced as old but far slower. However, I just remind myself of my gambling recovery and how hard it is at the start compared with how much easier it is for me today. Not easy just far easier. I go into my running with blind faith that 100 days from now Ill be faster, be able to run longer, be fitter and be happier.

Feel free to join me on whatever running target you can come up with on your own. I agree with you in that I think running can prove to be an essential tool in enabling us to focus on something else during gambling abstinence. As long as I do it I’ll feel good mentally and eventually physically.

No doubt God has intervened to help you through a most difficult time. Its up to you now to take advantage of this opportunity. I wish you well.

RR