Hope

..... to follow on for your thoughts. I have at times watched Youtube slot video's, where I have lived my addiction vicariously through another. Most of them are sick in the sense that you get the edited highlights of the big wins, played by people employed or sponsored by gambling companies and maybe playing versions of the slot with better percentage payback..... however I did one day stumble across a slot gambler where this seemed not to be the case. He would put his full session of a slot that would sometimes go on for hours, unedited, all the ups and downs and also all the mind numbing spins where nothing was really happening other than the steady erosion of his bank balance.

Being the addict that i am I would follow the session, all the ups and downs, all the tedium so much tedium and then the sudden rush when the feature would drop or a big win suddenly rolled in. But of course the thing is, he would never leave the slot until he had a proper big win 1000x and more, which seldom happened, so eventually the video would come to an end, often at 4 a.m, with a whimper.... "that's it folks am f****d am off to bed..." he'd say.

The reality of course is that this fella has just sat at his screen for 8 hours and lost a bunch of money and hes probably emotionally exhausted and very tired and f****d off at losing a bunch of money and i would be the same for watching his upload... except my bank balance would be intact. But once I start watching I can't stop, cos you never know whats just around the corner, you never know what the next spin is going to bring. 

This youtube fella is obviously an addict, just like me. Its not really the winning or the losing, its just being in the game, win or lose ya just gotta keep going, unless its the big one and even then it just creates more ammunition for the next session. The only solution is not to start the session.

Must admit I am wondering whether to post this or not... I don't want it to trigger someone. Am just trying to relearn why i can't gamble anymore... thats all its meant to do. Admin you can remove the post if you feel its necessary

Thanks for listening

Hi RR.. I just red your 2nd post... thank you.. its time for us both to win at life 🙂

SA,

Very bizarre. Prior to my last binge I had been watching a guy play roulette on youtube also. Big wins etc and I am convinced it led me to open an online account. I had never been an online gambler always in the bookies on machines. By May last year the FOBTs had changed max limit and I knew I would never play them again. Anyway, I was watching YouTube videos of this geezer and I would watch for hours. This lasted for weeks until I finally opened an account. Lots of wins, lots of losses plus a big lose the plot loss and I find myself thousands in debt. I no longer look at this stuff on youTube.

Like you, I used to get a proper buzz just from watching this guy online. Shambolic. The addiction is crazy. It makes us act crazy and do crazy things.

RR

SA,

Ive been meaning to say very impressive running 26 miles over last weekend. Im not at those distances yet but will be soon.

RR

Thanks RR, am quite pleased with the state of my running. I did another long one yesterday. The first 30 mins was not very enjoyable, its like my body was telling me no, but eventually I started feeling good and the last 30 mins was very enjoyable. the sun was out too and i managed to make a bit of vitamin d (i think). Today my legs are playing catch up, slightly achey thighs, rest day today, although I have just had a nice walk down to my local Tesco. Again the sun is out, very enjoyable walk.

The route takes me passed my local hospital and I walk pass the main entrance and it was an absolute sea of people moving in and out and then opposite you have all these health care professionals huddled around the smoking shelter, some of whom are really quite obese. I think to myself how easy it is to get judgemental and yet these same people could turn around to me and say "how stupid of you to gamble all your money away, month after month"... but of course they can't see my addiction... its hidden, which in some ways makes it all the more dangerous to self.

Society as a whole really is quite sick, don't you think? ... and we are all being ruthlessly manipulated all for the sake of money and profit.

Hey ho

Thanks for listening

SA,

I agree completely. I think most people struggle with something or at least balance on the brink of doing things they shouldnt to extreme measures where it affects their quality of life. More people on anxiety tablets than ever before I read recently. Its a real shame the way the world is going.

I ran 7 miles this morning but I want to be back up in those double digits. It felt hard at times this morning but as usual feel great afterwards. Defo planning on running a marathon later in the year. Ive got a few in mind but both are in Ictober and ive done one of them before so Ill opt for the new experience. Ive got loads of time but for now Im just loving being out their consistently doing what makes me feel good in a healthy way.

RR

SA

fella thanks for popping by, I could make up excuses about the forum and it’s new format driving me away, or the infighting between authors drove me away but I won’t because I will be honest.

my inner gambler drove me away, it’s desire to get me back in action blinded me from that little fella in there who screams and shouts about the wonderful life in recovery I have had.

 The truth is my old friend, first two years I played lip service, three years on and circumstances beyond my control saw me gamble and seek suicide as the only option left and the last two years I have too often in many situations felt like I was on borrowed time.

 The outcome each time the same 

I fed addiction 

I will use the lessons taken to seek the recovery or more prudently rediscovery I need to live happily in recovery.

funny because in action I never ask for help, sober I can’t get enough 

warmest regards running man

Duncs

Yes Dunc's I am back to being running man. Albeit a somewhat overweight running man.

I really pushed it today 1 hour 45 mins with lots of punishing uphill. The route I chose not the best though. Lots of running along the side of main roads. So many cars. Do some people just drive around all day. Traffic is just relentless. But anyway am sure iv'e increased my endurance by a notch today. I think I might be suffering tomorrow but will cross that bridge when it comes. I saw on the weather forecast that a full storm is due tomorrow, so i reckoned i'd have a rest day... but then it can be fun running in a storm if your slightly mad like me 🙂

Thanks for listening

SA,

I went for a bizarre short run yesterday through a forest jumping over barbed wire fences and running ankle deep through bogs and marshes. It was great fun.

I’m very impressed with the duration of your runs. Did you build to this gradually? 

Anyway, I hope your doing well. I hope you dont mind me saying but I notice a great difference in you and your posts since you’ve returned to running. You seem more positive and much more like your posts of old when you were abstaining for a lengthy period. I really believe that you are at the start of something great and marvellous. It makes me happy for you.

RR

Glad you enjoyed your run RR... I didn't run in the storm in the end, maybe next time.

Iv'e been a stress head this morning, but now I can see the funny side of it.

I hate technology. I get use to something and then it all changes again. Anyway this morning I decide to enter the 21 st century and get myself a smart phone with some vouchers iv'e had for my birthday. So anyway i walks down to my local tesco super store and into the tesco mobile section and I say to the man I want a smart phone, sim free, cheap. I was pre-pared you see. I hate people trying to sell me stuff I don't need. The man gets the phone I buy it... all sorted so you'd think.

I then goes to costa coffee opens the box, gets phone out, see's that the battery needs putting in... how the f**k do you get the back off without breaking the phone?. I cant see how to do it. Am handling this phone like its a new born baby. Am determined not to break this thing before ive even used it. Anyway you couldn't make up the series of events that happens next. I see a little grove in the corner, puts my nail in it, trying to ease the cover off. Nail slips, hand jolts away, drops phone, hits coffee.... everything on floor, posh mug broken.... suddenly am feeling like a right banana. the staff were lovely, coffee replaced. A coffee that i didn't really feel like drinking now, so i abandons it leaves and goes over to the mobile shop opposite.

I asks the young assistant if I can be cheeky and can he help me get the back off my phone and i says i bet you get this all the time to which he says "this isn't a phone shop".... turns out ive just walked into a Vape shop. lol... and he says no I can't do it but there is a mobile shop next door. I goes next door to a very surly man whom takes the back off but isn't pleased with me for not buying anything. So anyway I leaves I go to the library (its warm there) and thinks I will sort it out in there.

I guess you know whats coming. I goes library, I puts the battery in. I gets my old phone I takes the old sim out and goes to put it in my new smart phone, but yes, the sim slot is a different size, like trying to put a size 11 foot into a size 8 shoe. 🙁

Ive given up for today. I am a the proud owner of a smart phone that I can do f**k all with lol Whats my next move folks??

Thanks for listening

Awwww! I've had a similar situation where I tried to ram a sim card into a new phone, then sheepishly went to the EE shop, where I wouldn't buy their too expensive phones and had to ask them to help me. They said "oh, it opens like a hinged door, see" In what bizarre world do they start making phones where you have to open a sim door?!!! when sliding it into a slot, worked perfectly fine for decades!!!!

So....yeah....been there!

Well exactly Freda.

I had a walk down to the virginmedia shop. They sorted it within a couple of minutes. I am now the proud owner of a working smart phone. So far though I don't see what all the fuss is about. I managed to sign into facebook and scroll down my feed but that's about it. I see people everywhere glued to there smart phones. What am i supposed to be doing on it?? Answer on a postcard 🙂

Thanks for listening

Am such a dinosaur when it comes to tech. Iv'e now managed to install some updates on my phone. It was wanting to connect to Wi-fi but kept asking for a password. I then phoned up virgin media and discovered that i do actually have Wi-fi and that I even have a password!... and then the lady asked me what phone i had and I didn't know lol... its a smart phone, the cheap one from Tesco's I said.. she laughed. I woosh they wouldn't ask these complex questions 😉

Nice to see you are getting your gamble free days up Sa long may it continue for you mate.

Thanks mate.

Well I did a 90 minute run yesterday and a 90 minute run today. I had no intention of doing another long run today. I just wanted to jog around the block to lift my mood as I woke feeling quite depressed. However after 20 minutes I decide to extend the run a bit and then a bit more and then 90 minutes was done. Its amazing what the body can get use to. I feel fine.

SA, 

I love reading about your running. You are doing super. Life gets too much and you go for a run and you get through it. I love reading that. Someone working a problem - thats the road to success.

I went for a run today and came back with a sore left side. Thought it was ribs but it will be muscular. Never had this before. I hope to get out again tomorrow 

RR