Hope

Thank you for your thoughts everyone.

Thus far today I have met a friend for coffee. I then went shopping and bought some jeans and a shirt. I them went food shopping and got some supplies in. Once home I had salad in a sandwich made with good quality bread. This afternoon I hope to do a little tidying of my flat and sort some clothes out. This evening i will go to the gym/swim/sauna place. I was thinking about going out for a drink with someone but I have changed my mind. I want to wake up tomorrow feeling fresh and alive and ready for a new day!

I am living an ordinary life. But that is Ok. I have freedom and i have choices. I like my life

When i was gambling I had no choices. Gambling was all I did.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

INSPIRATIONAL.....PURE AND SIMPLE

Jas x

I love the statement you put in bold. That's a feeling I want to work towards.

Well done you x

Hi S.A,

This is what life is all about, i too have been shopping got a new mobile and a couple of t-shirts ready for summer and the beer garden, went to wacky warehouse with my daughter last night, and have money in my pocket........it's great..;-)

while shopping today bumped into a lady that used to be in the slots as much as me, well more to be honest we had a chat told her about my self-exclusion and this site, she has lost over 250k, its strange i felt so sorry for her just wanted to help, but as we all know you got to be ready to help yourself first i guess, anyhow have a great weekend S.A and make the most of this normal life it's a great place to be.

green x

Not been on forum long but loved reading your entry. Made me want to quit and as you say just leading a normal life is all I want too.

Brilliant!!!! way to go SA Min x

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I have already parchuted into your diaries with my ramblings.. you have been warned! 😉

Hasn't been the greatest of days. Woke up feeling tired, fed up and depressed and its taken me ages to get going and now the day is almost over. In the past I would have gone straight to gambling to lift my mood. I don't do that now because I do not want to. I am able to fast forward in my thoughts to how i feel afterwards once ive done my money.. like ****** s**t! ... not to put to fine a point on it lol

However as i say am not feeling great today. Am struggling to be pro-active in life. I go to work, I go to the gym I go home. I have no social life to speak of.. the odd coffee with a friend.. and because i don't really want to go to the pub am not sure what else to do with myself. I know i need to join something.. hobbies interests.. make friends etc.. but I just don't seem to do it.. bit scared i spose.

As you can see am just feeling a bit sorry for myself today.. my moods are starnge things. I was feeling really happy the other day and now am not.. but I know through experince that tomoorrow I will once more feel different again.. just hope its better than today. regards to al who read this.. S.A

P.s I like this saying...

Whats the difference between a good day and a great day?

A good day is when everything goes to plan and you don't gamble

A great day is when everything goes to s**t and you don't gamble

Hi SA, thanks for taking time out for your post. Sorry to hear you have had a bad day but well done for another day clean. Weldy

Another day passing gambling free!

I feel better than i did yesterday. The woe is me feelings have passed. I realise that when I am overtired or stressed in some way that is when the feeling sorry for myself feelings come along. To be honest running 16km's on Saturday was over doing it.. especially as I had a slight cold (or swine flu lol ) Anyway today I felt fresh and alive once more and was back down the gym and run 10 km. I guess am getting a bit addicted to running but its healthy (accept when i over do it!) so i aint gonna stop. Ive just enjoyed a huge meal.. pork chops, loads of vege and chips.. delicious!

I think that this BH weekend has got me thinking about how i need (and want!) to bring new things into my life. Ive been reading the GA literature about "mono-culture" ie not having a balance in terms of work and family and hobbies and interests. People without addiction I think have many outlets in life and when one goes wrong there are the others to help to counteract it and cope.

For me I use to work and gamble and now I work and go to the health club. In many ways this is the essence of my recovery but its all a bit tenuous. I know what i need to do.. but its just doing it.. adding more to my life. But am sure when the moment feels right I will make forward progress. I can tread water for quite sometime b4 it starts to become a real problem.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hiya SA I have to admit during the times in the past when I have absteined from gambling I turned into the perfect Stepford Wife! always homemade meals, immaculate house and attentive mum and wife.

So it came as no surprise to me when my family would comment on how I seemed distant lately and not bothered about much anymore. Of course it was because I had one thing on my mind to be online.

Now the last two days I have been cooking (cheese and leek potato pie and gammon today)ironing up to date and sitting watching Slumdog millionaire with my hubby. Just normal nice day and makes me feel wonderfully content.

Dont think I could do the running bit. The other day we saw a bus and my daughter who is very fit is racing ahead. I am huffing and puffing and certainly couldnt blow any house down!! (reakon I have always suffered from Swine flu)

But good on you and the benefits sound really good. Exercise then eat what you fancy.

Keep well Min x

Hi Min,

Thanks for your thoughts and how i'd love some cheese n leek and potatoe pie with gammon right now.. delicious! Unfortunatley I have just eaten a family sized sweet & fruity golden oaty summer berry crumble.. not quite a healthy evening meal lol 🙂

Anyway another day passing gambling free. ive had a call from a GA member of the group I go to asking if i want a pinning meeting for my year. Must admit.. I hesitated for a moment... firstly because its 20 days away from my year and in theory anything could happen in that time & secondly do i really want the proverbial pat on the back??

But then.. when i thought about it.. I said to myself.. why the hell not! Whilst this is not the first time I have gone a year without gambling.. it is however the first time I have conscientiously worked my recovery "one day at a time" using both GA and here my online diary. I deserve to pause and acknowledge what will have acheived... although this is slightly jumping the gun.. not quite there yet.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Glad to hear you are going to accept the accolade you deserve. It is well deserved and it is yours. Keep up the good work.

Steve E

Well done for accepting the honour. You work the program, and deserve to receive the acknowldgement. In addition it shows others what can be achieved by doing so and gives others hope and inspiration too. If you dont mind me asking, What meeting do you attend?

Morning SA,

Thinking of you.

Jas xx

Thanks for dropping in Stevey, Keith and Jasmine and Keith my main GA meeting is Birmingham central. I will be pinned (sounds like I am being crucified lol ) probably the second Tuesday in June, though thats not confirmed. It also coincides with someone elses pinning so the thinking is to do both at the same time.. makes sense.

I find it gratifying that am actually able to talk about this with some confidence, because am talking about events one month away and anything could potentially happen in that time BUT whatever does happen I am genuinely confident that I will not use gambling as a way to cope or escape my reality.

Ive had a tiring but at times reasonably enjoying week at work. Now its not very often that i say that lol.. it just goes to show that it is worth working through the bad times... I still hold out hope for some sort of pay rise.. but at the end of the day am happy to have a job in these tough times. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi S.A. Thanks for your post, good to see you. I know what you mean about the pinning..lol. I always thought when i got to the year i wouldnt want the pin, its never been about recognition for me, just another day. But when i got closer i realised it meant a lot more than i thought, and felt i needed to take some credit for a change for my hard work as i too easy beat myself up when i do things wrong, and im glad i did. So im pleased that you are going to receive the recognition you deserve and hope you enjoy the evening which im sure you will.

Its easy to get that bogged down feeling at work, i go through it all the time. Its only when i travel really that i appreciate the fact that i can afford to and what other people in other countries have to do to earn a living. That said i sill groan at work about things..lol

Best wishes

Keith