Hope

Hi C.A thanks for your post. re urges to gamble... I think its not so much about controlling the urge as allowing them to pass without acting upon them. Because pass they always do. For me today gambling is some way far over the horizon, wild horses wouldn't drive me to gambling. However yesterday was somewhat different when gambling was lurking somewhere close by.. all I had to do was reach out and I could have gambled. I didn't gamble though.. and ultimately the thoughts of a gamble passed and today I am back in good headspace.

In fact today I feel like a different person.. no hangover of course. Ive been running down at the gym for the first time in 10 days or so.. my leg seems to be healing at long last. I managed 11.5 km's in 1 hour 20 minutes which is well down on my best but am back to thinking that the half-marathon in July is still on.. my aim is to do it in 2 hours which is possible.. but also just to complete it will be an acheivment. It is something that i am looking forward to.

This weekend has been a real mixed bag. Yet again I am forced to take a look at my relationship with alcohol and its links to my gambling. Of course in some respects it fills the "escapism" function that my gambling did. When in the pub and then on to club environment it seems that i lose control of my drinking and often I don't really enjoy the evening anyway. I remind myself that I am no longer 20 its time for me to grow up.. its just that sometimes the teenager within wants to play just as he use to want to play on the slot machines.

Stopping gambling for me is about so much more than just not gambling.. Its about lifestyle change. Ive known this for a long time.. I just find it hard to change. Its so easy just to slip into old ways of thinking and being.. like getting out the old pair of cumfy slippers.. all torn and tattered and in need of throwing out but somehow the familiarality of them defies common sense. they fit snuggly to ones feet.. they bring comfort.

When i am in the act of gambling it brings me a sense of comfort and familiarality. When I am drinking it brings a certain comfort and familiarality. Its like a child I think feeling secure when they know what is going to happen and when its going to happen.. the familiar routine.

It was suggested to me along time ago that my recovery could run more smoothly if i stopped drinking. I still have not reached that point where I will never drink again.. but perhaps now i am sufficiently motivated to stop going to nightclubs and late night bars. I am starting to look slightly out of place anyway with the ever growing number of grey flecks lol

I think its rather like major addictions and minor addictions. Gambling has the potential to finish me off and because drinking has the potential to lead back to gambling it also needs to be kept under tight control. Still I stop short of stopping altogether but I o so do not want to repeat the other night. I have written very similar stuff in the past in this diary re the drink.. but now is the time to get off that particular merry go round for good.. one day at a time. Regards to all who read this... S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

That was a good post and I'm glad you are feeling better today.

Weldy

Hi SA,

Urges to gamble always pass...thank you for that post.

Jas x

Your welcome Jas.

Am feeling low today.. bit depressed. I see the end of a chapter in my life drawing ever closer. I feel sad. I also feel rather angry that i allowed myself to get drawn into other peoples agenda's to such an extent. In the last 3 years and more I have lost balnce in my life between work and everything else. I am trying to address this.

Anyway time to go out and enjoy the evening sunshine. No urges or thoughts of gambling. Regards to all who read this.. S.A

Hi SA and hope now you have had some sun rays you are feeling a little better.

We are always going to get down days but tomoro is a new day so spirits up!!! and remember to think about number one YOU!!!

Take care S A

I dont usually write more than once a day in my diary but just wanted to acknowledge to myself that after a walk and a swim I feel refreshed and my mood has lifted a great deal. I feel much more positive than I did... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

It's really good to hear you are facing the challenges of life with renewed spirit and optimism, without turning to gambling! It is even better to hear how you feel a chapter of your life is closing (I think you meant gambling?) ...it's inspirational for people like me in the beginnings of this that it is possible to come out the other end.

I hope you have a good day today 🙂

nwn.

Just checking in. Its been a positive day. feeling good in myself. GA was good medecine tonight and yes Nwn.. gambling is a closed chapter.. but its a life times commitment one day at a time not to re-open it. Ive certainly had enough of the consequences of my gambling. This diary and GA helps keep me away from that next bet. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi there. Good to see you going strong. Congrats on your pininng (from memory its about now you have your open meeting) so hope it went/ will go well for you.

Take care and keep doing the right things, you are an inspiration to many.

Regards

Keith

Hi Keith.. its next week now the pinning.. am thinking of writing my full gambling story and reading it out to a captive audience.. bore them to death Lol 🙂

Am feeling a little unsettled today.. emotions a bit haywire. Its just the day to day pressures of work I think. Had a swim this evening that helped a little. No thoughts or urges to gamble though.. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Just checking in on you. Hope you are well and doing ok. Your story, I'm sure it would make an excellent read! One day, I might write my story too. I think I'd even enjoy reading my story aswell. Maybe we should combine the stories and write a book!

Take care.

Weldy

Hi Weldy.. Am going to write my story this weekend.. see where it takes me. Am sure if we all put our stories together it would run to many volumes lol

Ive had a good working week all in all. I think its in the context of going part-time in the near future. I am settled and happy with that decision. My next challenge will be to be pro-active with seeing what else there is out there for me or whether I want to combine part-time working with doing a course of some description.

Problems may occur if I procrastinate and do nothing. Doing nothing is so easy, just like the gambling was. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Another day passing gambling free. Have finally bought some new distance running trainers though my leg has still not healed properly. I can't run without pain. My leg needs rest but the half-marathon is in 4 weeks. Its all a bit touch and go whether am going to be able to do it or not. I don't want to end up walking half of it.

Its been raining all day where i am. Walking around a shopping centre on a staurday afternoon is not my idea of fun and why do they make it so hot in these places. I guess its deliberate to try and make you spend more money on the rediculously over priced refreshments. As you may tell am in a slightly bad mood at this moment in time lol I have a mouth ulcer as well.. that don't help. I was going to go for a swim this evening but I think I will just sit and be instead. My body and soul is crying out for rest i feel.

I have started to write my gambling story. I will copy and paste it into here when its done. Show it to the world. Its a strange thing that I have come along way since the days when I did not want anyone to know about my gambling or that it was a problem. But I now I find public accountability quite refreshing. It helps me not to gamble. My diary has taken on a life of its own. regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

I agree with you in regards of growing away from the addiction and making yourself publicly accountable. I had the same experience with alcohol and have moved so far away from it I don't consider myself recovering alcoholic. I consider myself as a non drinker. I am working on the non gambler but day by day I'm getting there. As for shopping centres, I don't think I'll even start on that one. Look forward to reading your story.

Take care

Steve E

Hi SA sorry to hear your leg not cleared up yet, fingers crossed for you.

Not a shopper eh? have to admit I used to be, but havent the patience nowadays and do most online.

Good idea to take some "me" time and chill out to the max if you can.

Your story will make interesting reading so look forward to seeing it on here.

Take care for the weekend Min x