Hope

Hi SA

Just pleased to see year 2 continues in a positive manner.

Keep it going

Fred

Thanks Green and Fred for your thoughts and yes year 2 does continue in a positive manner. Am just back from GA.. a good meeting. A new member this week.. with that look of despair about him. Selfish though it may seem it was good medicine for me. A few beers after which i enjoyed. I feel quite cheerful and content today. The weather helps i think. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

I have just re rad my original postings in my diary and came across one of your responses that my bro will not get better while I sort everything......I realise today and unerstand exactl what you meant. I thought I did at the time and didnt realise how much I was doing for him. Today is a turning point for me and very emotional that have fed my bro's addiction rather thenn helped.

Do you think I should still control his bank accounts or leave that to him too??

How are you doing these days?

xx

Hi S.A

Thanks for your post. I am today really really mad with him. We had talked earlier this week for 40 mins on the phone and we were talking generally about life and how preety much most people were in debt, he was talking a lot about it and how him paying off his debts will be a slow process etc etc blah blah...I felt really proud and uplifted with this chat. Silly me......I had put money in his account to pay for his car and bills. He can only draw £250 at atime so he was going to take the money out for his car over a couple of days....Little did I know prior to our chat he had already drawn money before from his bill account

and was planning his next bet...he was just waiting to get as much money together as poss!! So I feel the phone call was putr lip service which hurts.

I see now the cg will always play games - I have been told this and now I truly believe it. I love him but I am so hurt, let down at the moment I feel nothing. I realise he really doesnt care at this time about anyone or anything except when he suffers a loss. I whole hearted understand what you are saying about being so sorry and genuinely upset when you gambled...I see this and hear it in my brother. Yesterday I totally believe he thinks he will never gamble again.

He is using payplan to get his debts sorted, he sees a counsellor once a week but like you he wants help to make everythin gok again but now I know like you said he will gamble again. At this moment he has nothing - he can either pay for his car or his mortgage and there is nothing left for food or petrol etc!

I am made up for you that you are continuing along the gamble free path and I imagine how difficult that is day to day through my brother.

What me bro doesnt seem to get is that life is tough for EVERYONE....does every gambler think its only them that struggle? Or is that part just my bro?

Not sure if I can give up the bank account!! ;-/

Well done you for your learnings, your new experiences and mstly for beating your addiction. congrats on your gamble free life.

Keep going....believe me I wish my bro was where you are now.

Hi Yg.. addiction is a very selfish activity thats for sure. I was unable to see how my actions were affecting others when in the grips of my gambling. As you say life is tough for everyone and I guess that is how addiction starts.. thats how it escalated for me.

My gambling allowed me to take my mind away from my troubles and worries for the period of time that i was in action. While other people play golf or go to the cinema or the theatre or sit on a river bank and fish or whatever, I would stand at machines and feed them money. The euphoria was immense and all comsuming, much like a drug addict but now i have learnt to live without that feeling one day at a time.

Nobody sets out to be gambling addict. i think its a reaction to life and circumstance that combine to where gambling becomes all consuming.. that how it was for me anyway. I live a simpler calmer way of life now (for the most part anyway! lol) and thats ok with me.

Today has been fine.. just a bit tired thats all. No gambling issues Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi,S.A,

Good to here you are bright eyed and bushy tailed, with no hangover. It was one of those random nights where you go for a couple and get in at 5am..oh dear!!

Glad all is well in your recovery ain't it good to just pop up to the shops on a Saturday and get some new gear like a 'normal' person. Enjoy your weekend s.a and my advice don't drink to much you feel like s**t the next day.....;-)

spk soon.

green x

Hi Green,

Am gonna be good on the drinking front atleast until ive run this half-marathon next Saturday. i say run but its looking more and more like walk at the moment.. lol.. and walk with a slight limp! Ive been resting my leg but sumink still aint right. Tommorow is the big test run out in the community as opposed to on the tread mill down the gym. This is when i will get a sense of whether i am really up to it or not.

It gets worse cos i put a fast time down on the entry thing.. what a daft thing to do lol.. am gonna be starting with all these proper runners but only for the first 20 feet lol.

Anyhow the good side of all of this is that its given me something to focus on.. and deep down I am of course looking forward to it.. i think..sort of. No thoughts or urges to gamble.. regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hello starting again and good luck in your hobble, I mean run, next week. I have just read the first 30 pages of your diary and like many others on here notice so many behavioural similarities it is scary. I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. Your soul-searching and insecurity in the early days of your recovery must have been very hard for you. But your honesty, integrity and humility shine through, it is such a shame that you have been troubled by this disease.

Low self-esteem seems to be such a problem for all gamblers and when you stop, that gets worse to start with and then(I hope) starts to improve. I am only on day 9 and still feel like s**t every day, but every day I do not gamble is at least showing me I can do something.

I will continue to follow your diary and wish that good things happen for you. Just because you have spent time as a gambler does not mean you don't deserve a better future.

Well done on your recovery and good luck.

DT

Hi SA,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. Glad things are going well on the recovery front and hope your leg allows you to complete your run. Take care.

Weldy

Hi starting again - just thought I'd check out your diary after you left me such a helpful message. It's amazing to see the prgress you've made. I would like to ask a question if I may? Now that you are at the stage you are and it's been a year since you joined the forum - what kind of role does gambling play in your life now compared to before?

Cheers,

Robert

Thanks for dropping in Weldy... hopefully my leg will hold out and robert ive just given an answer to your question on your diary.

As for me well all is fine. I went for a long run this morning in the "community" as opposed to the gym. I enjoyed it.. feel on a bit of a high at the moment...half-marathon rapidly approaches.. bit nervous, bit nervous.

No urges or thoughts of gambling. Thats all for now i think. Ive written alot else where today. Regards to all who read this.. stay focussed in recovery... S.A 🙂

Cheers for your response SA - it is helpful to know that this is beatable. One more question if I may (last one I promise1!). Was there anything in particualr that you occupied yourself with as a replacement of gambling? I know everyon is different but did anything help you?

Cheers,

Rob

Hi Rob.. well to answer your question I replaced arcades with the gym/swim/sauna place that i now go to. I use to have trouble with the transition from work to home. Now instead of dropping in for a quick gamble I drop in for a quick swim. It works.

There is also a slightly longer answer to your question. In my opinion nothing actually replaces the buzz that gambling brought me. I have simply learnt to live without it and be content with a calmer and simpler way of living and being.

When i was gambling i took little interest what I looked like, the clothes i wore, the food i ate, the state of my flat or what was going on around me. Now i do. Dont get me wrong am far from perfect but I know longer live a life where gambling feels like the be all and end all of my existence to the total exclusion of everything else.. a balanced live is starting to emerge bit by bit. Hope this helps.

Another day passing gambling free and for that I am trully grateful. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Not had the best of days really. Trouble and strife at work.. emotions all over the place.. thank fully kind of settled and dealt with now. I can't change what has happened.. so be it... I have to let it go and I will.

No thoughts or urges to gamble though, for that I am grateful. Regards to all who read this.. S.A

Something I need to get off my chest. Ive just had a fellow compulsive gambler that I have been friendly with in the past arrive at my block of flats. He's a genuinely lovely bloke but he's never just appeared at my home unannounced. I clocked it for what it was straight away as soon as i heard his voice on the intercom. He wasnt coming up to my flat that was for sure. I went down to meet him after having first locked my front door. I could see it in his eyes straight away a gambler at "rock bottom".

Anway I listened to the story about a play station needing to be extracted from cash converters the partner whos about to go to the police and him being on probation and if he cant get £100's by such and such he's likely to be go down ( ie prison). He says that I was his last hope. This is first time ive been fully put on the spot like this. I said in a friendly but assertive way that I could not help him out.

I don't know who was more upset me or him. I was nearly in tears. But it was the right thing to do. Ive suggested it many times to others on here.. the cruel to be kind approach. I now know what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence. I have now practiced what i have preached.

How do i feel now? To be brutally honest I actually feel ok. I know I have done what needed to be done. I may have helped him in the long term. And boy o boy this is wonderful recovery medicine for me. A full in the face reminder of what I do not want to return to.

Its a wonderful sunny and warm day today. i intend to fully enjoy it. This fella walked off to a very uncertain future. Perhaps now he is ready to surrender to the gambling and start recovery. As for me.. my recovery feels very strong today. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂