Hope

Hi SA, long time no speak!

You did the right thing, it ain't easy. You are responsible for you, and he for himself.

What you got in your fridge? I'm hungry.

Good luck with the run/walk this weekend, drink lots of fluids.

Take care, you are in charge of your destiny, Love Ostrich x

Hi S.A.

Well Done! You have helped this guy far more this way.

Things like this do remind us what we were like in a bit of a cruel way, but a necessary one.

I believe your Higher Power sent this man your way to see if you are doing your recovery.

Life sends us tests along the way and as long as we use the tools given to us we will be ok.

God Bless

Charly

SA what an amazing thing you did so here's a cyber pat on the back. The CG will have to learn it was his fault choices and consequences that brought him to your door. Thanks for the comment on my reply am glad you have abstained once again for so long and long may it continue. Chat to your mum more don't leave it so long next time ! Anyway enjoy the sun stay strong and most importantly keep smiling. 🙂

Hi S..A,

Thanks for the post, life throws these tests at us in one form or another, you did the right thing mate, for him i would guess he then went to try and find another person to try to get the cash from, that's what i would have done in the past. As for you like you say a valuable reminder of the reality of gambling and just how desperate we become, and for me as harsh as it sounds i don't want people in my life who think it's OK to pop in or call just because they want somthing from me, if a good friend called, a non-gambler and was stuck for cash to me it's different without hesitation if a had it they could lend it, The people in my life now are friends!! and it's nice not to be back in the arcade where as soon as you have a win some so called friend wants a tenner.

Have a good weekend S.A take it easy.

green x

hi S.A

Thanks for sharing your last post with us. you did the right thing 100%, firstly this guy would keep coming back to you thinking you was an easy target for money, and secondly you would have been feeding his habbit. I myself never got as low as to ask people directly for money, but can imagine how easily a CG would do this. For me it would just spend all my wages, then punish myself until next pay, by not eating, not going for a pint etc etc. week after week, what a hellish life it really is to lead. Thankfully them days are now gone, having the odd slip up which i need to get rid off, and trying, and i now feel grateful every single night when i go to bed that i have not gambled that day.

Always like to read your posts mate, and you really should be proud of yourself. have a great gamble free weekend, and keep smiling.

neil

Hi Neil, Green Psown.. thanks for re-affirming that i did the right thing.

Well am just back from my half-marathon.. did it 2 hours 21 mins which is ok for me considering it was off road. It has spurred me on to get fitter for the next one. Anyway am a bit P***** at the mo.. so will leave it their for now. No thoughts or urges to gamble.. S.A 🙂

Well I was going to go out last night.. glad i didn't in the end as I would probably have got totally sloshed as i was in celebratory mode. But I know from experince that with the enjoyment of a few drinks and a laugh comes the alcohol melancholly the following day. Its nice to wake up this morning feeling fresh and alive albeit with a few aches and pains.

I really enjoyed the run yesterday but also appreciate that their is alot more potential their to do a quicker time. Their are some very fit people in the world and not just the professional runners we see on the telly. Its every day folk who have applied themselves and pounded the streets methodically in training. Gets me thinking that if I apply myself to the running in a way that i use to apply myself to standing at slot machines then great things can be acheived.

On to other things. I have some angst about going back to work tomorrow. I should be putting time and effort into finding a new job but i have yet to do so. In reading my own diary I can see that it is time for me to move on.. its just a tough jobs market out their and I guess that scares me. I need to feel the fear and not use the recession as an excuse to not do anything. The time has come not to procrstinate anymore. Any way I fully intend to make today another gambling free day. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Ive just been reading some of my old entries and this is what i wrote on the 5th of July last year.

"I awoke still thinking about issues to do with work..feeling angry about this n that..problems unresolved..issues with collegues..the list goes on." 5th July 08

The hard thing to accept is that one year on am still feeling in much the same headspace... ive got myself feeling all upset.. i guess it will pass. Go for a walk and a swim i think.. settle myself.

Hi SA,

I see you are really thinking a lot today, it's good to do so, but try not to let things get you really down.

As far as your job situation goes, you have already pointed out the negative side of the economy etc.

However, as you have identified, things do not change unless YOU do something to make a change. I think you should reflect on the past year as an "achievement", after all, you have suceeded in controlling the part of your life that was previously so destructive.

You have done really well m8 to do this, so maybe it is time to dip the toe into the water, and just see what else may be out there for you? There is no harm in looking. Apply some of that time you used to do other things, to something more positive.

Hope this helps in some way.

All the best.

Weldy

Hi SA, im so sorry you are feeling so low, i guess looking at other threads a lot of us in the same boat while trying to beat this addiction.

its so easy to let the 'what ifs' take over , what if i'd won thousands' what if i'd never gamble etc

today, i woke up and thought, i'm sixty now, if i keep on gambling or worrying about the what ifs i am never going to make it past 65...... i want to live, stress is a killer. sure , dont become complacent, but do allow yourself to live a little my freind. we are all in the same boat, the same mountains to climb, the same lives to live with various obstacles being thrown in our path, so when life throws you a curved ball, pick it up and throw it back my freind.

stay strong and stay posting

G xxxx

Hi S.A.

..I'm still in the same headspace....

Nah.. I don't think you are my friend.

You have come a long way in this past year.

And you know what... we are normal people with normal feelings.... hurt, anger, frustrations....

only difference is.... as a recovering compulsive gambler we have learned to analyse our feelings, we look at them, dissect them and usually are able to discard them and move on. Don't over-analyse.

Hey, I have news for you..it is ok to feel angry, it is ok to feel frustrated if someone or something at work has pixxed us off.

The only thing that would not be ok is....if we use the way we feel as an excuse to go and have a gamble.

Feel the feelings and then let them go.

Lots of love and hugs to you from me

God Bless

Charly

Thank you Weldy, Ginny and Charly.. your considered thoughts have really helped. Must admit that my mental health really dipped over the weekend. I became paranoid and suspicious of others motives and actions, assuming the worst without having the facts to hand. I can see this now but at the time i could not.. it was like I went into the twi-light zone.

Whilst it does upset me a little when i get like this it is also true that get through it and out the other side without turning to gambling as an escape route.. so in that sense progress made and still making. I can cope with my mental health whatever it maybe and deal with it positively.

Another day is passing gambling free. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

there is still a 'stigma' with mental health, I know. I had to go to the doctors today with my youngest , shes 25 btw, and she tried to explain through the tears how she was feeling. the doctor gave her some pills as my daughter has seen the counsellors already and they have found nothing, however, what the doctor did say was that the anti depressants these days are not like they were years ago. she has given my lass something with seratonin in, apparently this helps.

My point is starting over not to make this over you but merely to say that perhaps you dont have to fight this totally from your own resources, maybe if it continues a little trip to the doctor may help?

thank you so much even though you are going through the mill at the mo for your continuing support too on my diary, stay strong and let you feelings out on here, you know its safe, you know no one will judge or ridicule you , stay safe my friend

G xxx

Hi S.A,

First off mate nice work on the run sat,

Just as an outsider looking in mate, your recovery is an inspiration to me and I'm sure many others, you stay focused, your honest, you fill your time with other interests not gambling. You don't appear to be standing still in recovery to me. But it's you that counts in your recovery. sometimes i think your a little harsh on yourself, please don't take offence by that, what i mean is you have made some bold decisions to go part time and change your life, these are all positive steps to get you where you want to be.

catch ya soon S.A

Green x

Hay S.A

Green has said it all really. even for a non gambler you really are inspirational - I pointed my bro to your diary as you are so honest and it makes sense.

As I said on Greens diary, life is a rollercoaster and it is for everyone at different times but these stressful, annoying angry times allow us to appreciate the happier stress free times. The rubbish times give us a comparison to make when we are ina better place so ride with these stressful times and there is always light..honestly there is. I have learned on my low days to just go with it, and sure enough I am ok without realising it. I used to focus on my low days and blow them out of proportion. I found the gym a big help...I cant afford to go at the mo...partner has been out of work! so now I am just miserable on my low days!! ;-)...I have taken serotonin tablets before and they do help if indeed you need the help.

I also need to find a new job and have put it off and put it off....have had half hearted attemots here and there..

Y