Hope

Hi SA,

Thank you for taking the time to support my diary. I will catch up with yours tomorrow. Stay strong.

Jas xx

PS...........I found a slug screen saver!!

Thanks for your post SA,

really value your opinion, you seem to have a lot of common sense and wisdom - must've walked a rocky road to acquire all that experience 🙂

Must admit am a little daunted by the sheer size of your diary! you've been posting a long time.

Will sit down and have a good read sometime, but not a 5 minute job i dont think!

Glad you are enjoying your exercise, you sound really happy - apart from the odd crabby day that we all get now and then.

Wishing you continued success,

f x

Hi S.A,

Just popping in to check how you are and am glad to see all is well, thank's for the post. Your getting fitter health wise, and seem to be stronger in yourself of late, ok the odd crabby day, but life seems stable for you and you always inspire me to keep going, Have a good weekend my friend, looks like the sun could appear, which would be a bonus.

green x

Hi S.A.

Thank you for your kind words in my diary.

It always helps me when others can make use of my experiences, good or bad.

As much as it helps me to read about your experiences.

Thank you for being part of my recovery.

God Bless

Charly

Another day passes gambling free. Its been a good day. Not at work today. Met a good friend for coffee this morning and in the pleasant summer sunshine and then once home listened to Englands dismal performance in the criket.. though the commentary was quite amusing lol. This evening I have been down the pool, swam 60 lengths in 45 minutes and then enjoyed a sauna and chat with the regulars. Afterwards the place had some live music in the bar so i listened to that for a bit before a trip to Tesco and then home.

Why am i saying all this you might ask? Well I think its to illustrate to myself atleast how different my life is from when all i did was work and gamble or travel between the two.

I'd also like to say that with everything I have done today I have still spent less than £20 which includes my food shopping for the weekend. When i was gambling £ 20 would have lasted me perhaps 5 to 10 minutes on the machines and if I had a few lucky wins perhaps 30 to 40 minutes but no more than that. Then of course i chassed my losses and would have squandered several hundred.

I know what I prefer doing with my money and i have just described it above.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Just dropping by to see how you are. Glad to see you are at peace with life. That was for sure a pretty dismal display yesterday in the cricket! Let's hope for better today!

Weldy

Just caught up with how your doing. Sounds like you're doing just fine and I am so happy for you. I and most others can relate to what you say and how you are feeling....you explain things so well...I wish I had that knack!!

Anyway well done on the running, congrats for another gamble free day.

I used to moan to my mum all the time when I was single how difficult it is to get motivated. I used to struggle to wash the pots - noone would know if I left them for a week! Used to struggle cooking - cos again who would know if it tasted good or cr**!! However when I did do it I used to feel great.

Life can be quite lonely sometimes but you are doing just fine. Keep going.

x

Hi SA,

Mmmmm a nice swim followed by a sauna. Pure heaven!............and as you say a fraction of the cost of what we would pump into a greedy machine with flashing lights and a very big mouth.

You are doing so well and I thank you for the support you offer me.

Enjoy the sunshine......Jas xx

Thank you all for your feedback. Must say that even though ive been around this forum for quite a while it stills feels good to get some feedback and supportive comments. Whilst i have been stable in recovery for quite sometime I know I need to keep working it. Otherwise the drift back to gambling may start. so thanks all 🙂

Its so true Yg that me being on my own, the motivation to keep doing positive things or even to do the washing can be hard somtimes. And yes i do get a bit lonely and depressed but its manageable nowadays. Back when i was gambling I became very very lonely, very depressed and full of anxiety. I have come along way since those bad old days and for that i give myself a big pat on the back.

It also rings true that I stopped gambling and continue to stay stopped 100% for myself. Indeed I could gamble at any time and nobody would ever know.. but then I'd only be lying to myself. I always use to lie to myself... "I am fine, I am ok, I am coping, I am happy, i am not gambling" i'd say to myself and others.. when actually it was plain for all to see that i wasn't ok and i was gambling. What I have learnt is that being honest with myself and to others is always the best policy even when its not good news. People always see through dishonesty even when they cant prove it.

Anyway.. today has been a good day (honestly! 😉 .. I enjoyed the last herroics in the cricket, then a good swim and sauna. By the way yesterday I managed to run a half-marathon on the tread mill in 2 hours exactly. Am chuffed to bits. Havent run that sort of time for the best part of 2 decades. I feel as if I have the fitness of a teenager lol

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

For anyone new.. my last gamble was on the 25th of May 08

Well done S.A. You can't run away from the past, but you can keep running towards a positive future 🙂

Hi S.A.

just doing my mid-week drop in, your last post really touched a nerve with me, it's somthing I'm trying to achieve. Total honesty is by far the best way to live good or bad like you say, it's the best way. You have a great way of saying things that I'm sure me and many others find useful. You have been around from the start of my recovery and i would like to thank you for the advice and support you have given to me, sometimes just in your diary. keep up the good work......:-)

green x

Hi Green.. likewise I gain inspiration and resolve from your thoughts.. thank you for continuing to be around and post. People drift away.. but I stick around it helps me to stay stopped.

Another good day today. Not at work. Met friend for coffee and catch up, then down the gym.. 17km's in 1 hour 39 minutes today.. not quite my best but not far from it.

One big positive thing of having kept posting regularly for well over a year is that i get to see how I was this time last year. Not that i especially need to read it cos i know I was well stressed out with work for a prolonged period of time. Am glad i stuck with it though.. work has settled down and reduced hours has helped alot. All being well my job will see me through the rest of the recession and at some point i will move on. But whatever happens I will cope.

Ok thats it for today.. no thoughts or urges to gamble. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Now here's a thought and this is not to be recommended. I have this thing that I like to keep well ahead on my rent so that if s**t happens, not just gambling s**t but any unforseen event, then I don't have to worry about not having the funds to pay the rent.

However one consequnce of this is that I choose not to pay my rent by direct debit anymore, as that was taken out my bank account in arrears. I pay in cash. So today I am wondering up to the place where i pay my rent with a wedge in my pocket ( not to be recommended). I admit I don't follow the recovery manaul perfectly though I am secure in recovery at the moment and it wont be a problem, rent will be paid!

But it does make me think a little deeper about my need to be in control and feel secure. I feel secure knowing that my rent is paid well in advance. I feel secure that i have paid my council tax off until the end of the financial year already!

Is this going abit far though wonder? Addicted to paying bills.. what a transformation eh! 🙂 Actually it feels bloody nice to be in a position to pay these things and not to have to worry about them.

My past was so different, rent gambled away, bills unpaid, sitting in my bedsit surrounded by red letters and other demands for payment. How things have changed and for the better. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

hi SA

thanks for posting on my diary. means a lot, and just know people out there are reading, and supporting each other is great.

I myself go through changes week by week,sometimes i get a little bored reading other peoples gambling problems. Is that selfish of me? id love nothing better than for every single person who comes on here to quit gambling for good, i really would, but somedays i wont even think about gambling, and then log into here and the old emotions fly back in, ill be honest and had no thoughts what so ever to gamble, come on here for ten minutes, and leave with urges!!!! on the other hand ive had urges, come on here, and left without the urge to gamble. The mind plays funny tricks on us sometimes eh? but without doubt i need this website, and like yourself will stay around, and share my experiences with others, who need it. all the best

neil

Hi Neil.. thanks for dropping in. Your right the mind can play tricks sometimes or rather the gambling head can. Thats why i stay close to the site.. maintenance is the key even when it feels a bit boring. And that of course is just another state of mind to cope with.

I was at the bus stop this morning.. the 9.55 the first Sunday bus on my local route. Am usually on it cos sunday is usually gym day. And as i sit on the bus I see pretty much the same faces I saw last week. The elderly couple going 2 stops only.. up to the mosque. The disabled lady on her way to do her shopping and the man with a big red nose ( I think he likes a drink ) and me of course with my gym bag. My routine touches upon other peoples routines just for a few minutes.

My habits and routines are no longer gambling habits and routines. I have lost that intense desire to spend my day feeding slot machines. I no longer live on the adrenaline of gambling and the anticipation of the next win. The craving has died away I live a calmer way of living and being. The human being or this human being at any rate is not designed to live on adrenaline.

I think this is the cruelty of gambling... that false belief that one can live on the "buzz" and somehow make it pay. That somehow the opting out of reality can be a meaningful alternative. It wasnt for me but it just took me a decade or two to fully work it out and accept it. I know I need to keep working my recovery though. I am stable in recovery today but who knows how i will be thinking tomorrow.

I ran a half-marathon today in 2 hours 5 minutes.. am pleased with that 🙂 Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂