Hope

Hi SA

I wished I had your time on my hands. I mean that with all sincerity. If I were you I would look at local college prospectus and go for it. I am doing an evening course and enjoying meeting people more than anything else. Learning new skills etc is a fantastic way of keeping yourself busy. I envy you, go for it.

Steve E

Hi S.A,

Glad to see things are good, and thanks for the post, like you say moods lift and change day to day i think they do for most people, it's just we look a little deeper into things.

Great to here you are going to do a course and stimulate the brain a little more, thinking of doing somthing my-self just not sure what yet, i have been back to collage this year and really enjoyed it did an introduction to teaching, day release from work. This time i wanna do somthing i like always fancied myself as an actor, so drama or somthing. Anyhow keep us posted to what you decide to do.

have a good week S.A.

green x

Nice work on the running dude. You can't run away from the past, but you can run towards your future.

Make it a good one,

SGL

Am just back from Ga.. just wanted to log that fact and remind myself that Ga helps me.. it was a good meeting. I havent been for several weeks. One of the regulars mentioned, almost in passing that it was 20 years since he'd last had a bet. Just goes to show what can be acheived working recovery one day at a time.

Its 15 months today since I last gambled (for the next 5 minutes anyway.. its nearly midnight) and then i will be into my 16th month 🙂

Regards to all who read this and keep safe.. S.A 🙂

Hello Diary.. only me! lol

Am in good mood this evening for no particluar reason. 11 kms in a smidgen over 1 hour today.. :-).

Am still thinking about Ga last night and higher power. Now that phrase would normally get me running and am sure is used as an excuse by many not to try Ga. I to am not religious in that way. However it is a relevant phrase for recovery i think for my recovery at any rate.

For me anything that is in addition to my own will ower, my own internal thought proceses is my higher power... this forum, the Ga group as a whole and talking to people about how i think and feel are my higher powers. Anything that is external to me.

For i have come to accept that if I simply lived my day to day life saying " I will not gamble" eventually my distorted f***** up thought processes would distort that to " I will gamble, it will be ok".. when of course it wouldnt. Anyway just wanted to share that. I could probably ramble on and on this evening.. but i wont lol

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

I was thinking about the same sort of thing over te last dew days. I believed in my HP for many a year. I'm not religous at all. My HP works for me and I have to be very careful as it is sometimes too giving. I ask for things and tey appear. People think your nuts so I tell no one. It is there for everyone it's just a case of realising there is a power greater than ourselves. Glad you had a good workout.

Just read your story on page 136. Very well written and took me back to the dark days I have been through. A start reminder of what is waiting for me. Better still is the reminder of what I have now. A feeling of normality that will do for me.

Take care

Steve E

Hi SA,

Thanks for your post and I do agree with you about the token payment to my creditors. However, there is a slight comlplication, they do not know where I am living and I have been recommended by the CCCS to let them know this for 2 reasons. Firstly if they are sending CCJ letters or court related letters and I do not respond, that could delay my bankruptcy. Also, if they do not know where I live, that can be frowned upon by the court as deliberately neglectful, ie.doing a runner.

Sending them £1.00 each doesn't hurt and is a method of letting them know my new address. Agree there is no point as I am not going to pay them anyway, but is a means to an end.

Anyway, thanks for your support and good luck on your continued recovery.

DT

Hi S.A,

Glad things are good at the moment for you, it's nice to see someone so far along in recovery and living a 'normal' life, it gives me strength right now, to see you still here and still going strong, thanks for the continued support mate.

green x

Thanks for dropping in everyone.

Stevey... a sense of normalness and continuity...absolutely!

D.t... From what you say write those letters asap. It might be the difference between being discharged from bankruptcy in year or less as opposed to it being longer. My experience was that within a few weeks of going bankrupt creditors did stop all hassling contact with me as they confirmed for themselves that I had indeed gone bankrupt.

As an aside I went into my branch today to deposit some bags of coppers and the woman says to me.. you may be eligible for a credit card.. would you like to apply?? I tell you something it was nice to say NO i dont want one. When i was gambling i'd of jumped at that and maxed the card out in no time. How things have changed. 🙂

Green... to be honest am fumbling my way along in recovery just like everyone else. Its taken me along time to start to "get it" so to speak. I first started to try and stop about 8 years ago. Go to any GA meeting and you will have one or two members who have gone for decades since their last gamble. Now they are trully the ones " far along in recovery".

As for me... 11kms in exactly 1 hour.. thats a record for me in modern times for that distance. Yeeee Haaaaa!!! 🙂 One fly in the ointment I forgot my plasters.. my nipples bled and are now sore as anything. O well never mind.

All is well on the not gambling front. Day at a time as always. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

18 km's in 1 hour 41 and a bit minutes.. another modern era record broken for me. Come on!!!! lol 🙂

Actually am feeling a bit paranoid this morning. Nothing to do with the running, other things that am too paranoid to talk about. Its strange isnt it how a "thought" can appear in ones mind and then one runs with it and comes to scary conclusions.

Am also rather regretting something I did yesterday. Again due to paranoia am not going to say what it is on a public forum. As you can see am just feeling a bit unsettled this morning... maybe it just that am over tired. But as i would say to others, can't change the past so no use dwelling on it.

This gets me thinking of my gambling past where at times I became deeply paranoid and suspicious about others motives and behaviours. "Everyones out to get me" type thinking. This is what becomes of allowing ones thoughts to swim around and around ones headspace. Anyway enough of this slightly mental talk... just needed to get it out of my system

No thoughts or urges to gamble. The sun is shining.. I intend to enjoy the day. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

I was told years ago that the only person that knows the facts 100% is the sufferer. Therefore with this in mind you realise in a rational mind that there is nothing to be paranoid about. Other people don't know how we think, feel or what we've done and yet we, for some reason, think they do. You'll talk about other aspects of your life once you're ready and maybe you never will. It doesn't matter.

Take care

Steve E

Hiya SA

Good to hear from you!! And its great to hear all is well with you also 🙂

I see your still at the running...crikey your certainly clocking up the miles...I personally can't run the length of myself....(I'm really really tall though h*r h*r)....but have started swimming again and loving it.

Keep up the good work!

Del xx

Hi Delgirl/SA

I keep thinking about taking up running as I know someone who regularly does the marathon. Must try and make time for it.

Regards

Steve E

Hi Del and stevey, thanks for dropping in. Running and exercise in general is a big part of my recovery. I'd be lost without it at the moment.. under 6 weeks now until my next half-marathon and then 2 weeks after that its the Great South run. Today I managed 19 km's in 1 hour 48 minutes and 30 seconds. The last 2 kms for the half-marathon distance just eluded me.. ran out of petrol lol

I think its just dehydration really cos I find that after having stopped and drank lots of sports drink I was fine and even walked part of the way home. Ive got to the point where i don't get blisters and as long as i put plasters on my man nipples then they dont get sore. Strangely its just the bottom of my back that gets red and sore.. I think its bit where i cut the label out thats still irritating mt skin. Thank fully the under arm soreness ive sorted helped with a change of running top. Bit by bit I am getting to the stage where i think i can run it

a. In 2 hours or under and..

b. With out being totally f****d afterwards and

c. without blisters and soreness

As you can see i am getting a bit obsessed with this running lark. Its generally positive I think.

Otherwise must admit I am unsettled about certain things that I choose not to talk about at this time but that may change. Am trying not to think about them at the moment. Am just living in the moment. Tomorrow is not here yet so I will worry or try not to worry about that then.

All is more or less ok on the not gambling front... though must admit I was sitting in the pub yesterday waiting for a mate. I had my prop a political magazine. I always have a paper or a book or something when i go to the pub. Am not one of these people that can just stand at the bar with my pint (if am on my own). But anyway I started to notice the machines. They were winking at me. I could feel this sight feeling of excitiment. It was a slight craving to play of course. Thank fully mate then came and the craving was gone in an instant. Just goes to show though the craving to gamble never goes away completely.. it can pop up at any moment and it did for me yesterday.

Regards to all who read this.. keep safe.. S.A 🙂

Hi S.A,

Thanks for the post,i can totally relate to what you said and found the post very useful.

The running sounds like it's a great way for you to focus mate, i wish i had somthing like that to do in my spare time i enjoyed so much, guess i need to look a bit harder to find more hobbies i enjoy.

Glad the look at the fruit-machine in the pub didn't set you back, i have had that feeling out and about over the weekend, luckily i ain't acted on it either, think its like a little test to remind us of the danger.

Have a good week S.A.

green x