Hope

Hi SA,

Have been reading a lot of your diary from the start today. I find comfort in the way you seem to feel similarly to me. Also that you seem a lot more sorted than me- gives me hope!

Its funny but I always thought you were a man! no idea why! Its dead weird now I know you are a woman, lol, cos I get mental pictures of people in my head. Im gonna have to find a new one for you now 🙂

hope you are well,

f x

LOL 🙂 I am a man.

But seriously i'd love to know what brought to that conclusion... your not the first to think that. Part of me wants to be a mans man so to speak but i just aint. But am not a woos either lol

I was brought up in a female dominated household... where my mum was the dominant parent.. so i guess thats why i am more in touch with my feminine side... maybe.

Anyway looking forward to your feedback... S.A with hairy chest 🙂

Hi S.A.

Thank god for that, looked at Freda's post and thought, a woman never, even read back in your diary, was thinking how could i get it so wrong, and from some of the posts we have chatted about.

just for the record I'm a 'Bloke too'........ , just messing freda..:-)

Hope your having a good week catch up soon, just don't feel like posting all that much this week.

green x

Hi SA

Im glad you replyed to fredas post, i would have been sat thinking all night are you male or female, i was 99.9% sure you was male. Would have had to re-read your entire diary haha.

Anyway was just passing by, hope your keeping well, also good to read your posts.

neil

Another day passing gambling free.

I fell really ****** arrrgggghhhh today!!!

Am just tired I guess.. the intensity of my work gets to me sometimes... well quite alot really hence the reasons for going part-time. I just got frustrated with others.. when i guess in reality am just in emotional flux.. my senses get overloaded sometimes and then i just want to sit in a dark room and do nothing. In fact i might just do that.. listen to some chill out jazz.

I find it hard to get rid of work stuff from my mind.. and just switch off. Puts my gambling past into perspective. I use to chill out with gambling or atleast forget my problems and emotions for a bit. I guess we all know that feeling. Not any more though and for that am grateful.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Ee arent I dippy?!

I was reading one from Keith from about a year ago and he was saying 'glad to hear you've given GA a try, we could do with more women there' or summat like that - and I thought stone the crows! I thought SA was a man!

Glad I can keep my original mental picture 🙂

Hee hee! thats funny!

f x

Hi Freda,

I thought it might have been that 😉

You can keep the original mental picture.. lol

I would be curious to know what its like being a woman though.. just for the day mind. Cheers.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Just wanted to thankyou for reading and your kind words on my diary.

Thanks again and take care, ands

Positives and negatives so far today.

On a positive I ran 19.5 km's in 1 hour 49 minutes. Had to stop at that just short of the 21 km half-marathon distance.. as my top covered in blood... joggers nipple lol

Something has dawned on me... I put water proof plasters on my nips but they come off so there useless really and then somebody said dont use water proof ones.. and that kind of makes sense I think??? Another thing is that i have an extra large running top which is a loose fit.. and the gym bloke says get a smaller one so its a tight fit. That hadn't dawned on me Doh!! Tight fit no movement, no friction, no bloody nipples!! But then the only trouble with tight fit is that its tight round the tummy tooo... another motivation to lose a couple of pounds.. I am 88.9 kg.. 14 stone in old money. I just go into the overweight category for my height.. its all muscle weight of course lol

So thats the positive.. my running. On a negative am generally feeling quite unsettled and insecure and sometimes angry and some times a bit depressed and just sometimes a bit f***** off with myself for not moving forward in life. I have potential and yet i feel little self-worth. am beating myself up a bit recently. I feel stuck in life.. not sure where i am going next... what moves to make. Life aint easy in my head space anyway.

Anyhow back to positives. No urges or thoughts of gambling. In fact i have not indulged in any activity of an escapist flavour this week. I live my reality even when i don't like it so much. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Have you thought that you have moved on but not with bells on. Your progress is unparelleled on here. It might be the old gambling head saying this ain't what we're supposed to be doing it's boring. Boring lifes are OK for me. I've had all the action I can take. Maybe your restless because you have taken time out of work. That, too, is allowed if it's OK with you.

As Ostrich used to say you are in charge of your own destiny. Hope she's doing well.

Take care

Steve E

Well done for staying in reality even when its a bit ouchy. Harder than you think.

Hope you feel some relief in you headspace soon, I am troubled by a chatterbox mind at the moment that is irritable and a nuisance. Im finding it hard to meditate properly. It always passes as inexplicably as it came though..

Ps - didnt I always have a tampon up my nose in your mental image? lol

f x

Hi SA,

Thanks for your support and congratulations on your continued recovery.

DT.

Hi S.A

Good to here the running is still going well, must admit, Freda thinking your a woman, would have been quite strange to here you talk about your 'nipple rubbing' so much.:-)

About the not moving on in life, think we all feel it, not sure if I'm right here but, i think your a bit like me here you just think to much. I have applied for a part time job today at a local collage, only a few hours a week, looking at a possible career change, i find myself thinking what my first day will be like in the new job before even posting the application form off, getting an interview or anything. Why do i do this? Not sure what the answer is but why worry about things we just can't control, maybe we just need to find a way to chill out more.

anyhow I'm talking rubbish again, sure you will find your own way through these feelings, and continue to inspire me and many more.

take care.

green x

Hi SA

Hope that your feeling a little better when you read this. Just a note to say thanks for your post and your support. Its reasuring that someone understands the addiction to strachcards not that nobody understands just that most of wot ive read is about bookies machines or online.

Take care Gingex

Hiya SA,

Just some imput into the nipple situation....what about tight vest under..and loose T-shirt over. Might address both things.

Also please don't underestimate what you have acheived this past year and half, you've worked on a hell of a lot and helped alot of people on the way in the process.

I personally have worked through an emotional minefield, and as dramatic as that might sound, I know were I'm at now. I know what I want to do. Albiet it's not happening quick enough! and alot of it is at the thinking stage...but its a start 🙂 One of my plans will take me out of my comfort zone, but I remember the saying..feel the fear and do it anyway 🙂