Hope

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies. I take a little something from each and every reply.

Today has been a good day. Am back in positive headspace. Ive just had a good day.. all day. I was the only person at work today. I was holding the fort. I liked the responsibilty. Also I was able to think clearly as i was relaxed and chilled out. I was also able to concentrate deeply. I realise I function best in calm quiet environments.

I also met an old acquaintenance by chance. He is also a recovering gambler but he is not working recovery. I could spot it within seconds of spotting him. The wild eyes of the gambler in crisis.. not quite able to make contact, evasive in answers about self. Fidgety and on edge at all times. Asking about others and how they are but also wanting to know where they live. No doubt with a view to asking for money and/or a bed for the night.

This encouter did me the world of good. Just like the chap a while back who came to my door practically begging for money. I am reminded of how far i have really come since that type of person use to be me.

Today I am forward thinking. Time to start thinking and planning the bigger picture of my life. Moving forward.. small steps of thought and action.. time and patience.

Thoughts of gambling are far out over the horizon.. 16 months today since i last gambled. Onwards and upwards.. one day at a time. Regards to all who read this... S.A 🙂

Another day passing gambling free.

Managed 16.5 kms in 1 hour 33 minutes. With slowing that will be a smidgen over 2 hours for the half-marathon. Two weeks today and I will have completed it (all being well).

Bit by bit am beginning to figure out how to train best and what to wear. For my aim is not just to finish in under 2 hours but also to finish without blisters, without bleeding nipples and other sore areas and without leg muscles that are so f***** afterwards that i can hardly walk.

The thing I realise today is that for me.. the warm down is just as important as the warm up (perhaps more so). When I try to stretch cold muscles it does me no good at all... but stretching muscles afterards helps them to heal and to not seize up on me. I find all i have to do is squat down a few times and then i am ok .. well okish lol

As you can see am getting a bit obsessed with this running lark at the mo. But I reason that anything is better than obsessing over slot machines. If only I could re-direct some of this motivation for running into other areas of my life. I hope to be able to do that when the time feels right. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Excuse the play on words, but we are in no rush LOL

Take care

Steve E

Hiya SA,

Good to hear your getting all angles covered for your big day in two weeks. You mentioned about you'd like to be as motivated in other areas of your life like your running...Hope you don't mind me saying this but I think your being too hard on yourself.

I see your consistently working towards an acheivement and giving it your 100%.. It's like any deadline..it tends to takeover and becomes a priority. Give yourself a pat on the back 🙂

Del xx

Gd luck with your running of the half marathon. That will be a nice achievement. Glad you in a gd head space and thanks for ur post on my diary they keep me going and smiling. ODAAT 🙂

Thanks PSOWN 🙂

Am just checking in. Another day passing gambling free.. for that I am always greatful. A good run down the gym..more than 11km's in 1 hour but then I stopped cos i was in pain. I keep telling myself to rest up.. over training not good. I will rest up tomorrow he says.

I think am probably the healthiest ive ever been in my life. Although am still a little over weight.. am currently not drinking hardly any alcohol, coffee is down to one or two cups a day as opposed to 6 or 8 and my diet is slowly improving.. more fruit especially.

Am starting to feel the benefits.. not so prone to depressive episodes.. and generally less anxious and on edge.. and better able to cope with the demands of work and others behaviours. All in all I continue to head in a positive direction. Regards to all who read this... S.A 🙂

Good to hear you are feeling so positive SA!

I agree with you that for us sensitive souls, it takes a complete change of lifestyle to reap maximum benefits.

Im peed off cos Ive come down with a head cold, so havent been able to get any of my exercise-shaped medicine for a few days. It really is unbeatable for keeping on top of stress.

I always find myself wondering what line of work you are in, but have only gotten up to about page 30-something of your diary so far!

anyway take care,

f x

Thanks for dropping in f

To answer your question Ive always worked in the helping professions.. for years it was working with autistic adults in care homes, challenging needs units or day centre's or in an outreach capacity. I choose not to say what i do for a living now or my actual name but am very open about all other areas of life and recovery.

Am also peed off cos my lower leg is hurting.. am very much hobbling around today. My self-diagnosis if stuff on the internet is to be belived is that i have a shin splint injury. Basically ive been running on the tread mill too much and the tendons attached to the bone don't like it. Fingers crossed i don't have a stress fracture.

I really must rest now or the half-marathon will be a no no. It maybe that i need new trainers as well. I need some good advice really from an pedontist (?) or physio or something but am not pre-pared to pay for it...

...of course when i was gambling.. i'd spend hundreds on gambling.. but I still fnd it hard to spend on something that would actually do me alot of good... even now.

Anyway besides that am basically fine.. work is ok this week no issues.. just the usual moments of stress but they pass. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

My email is [email protected] if anyone wants to make contact.

Hi S.A,

Just dropping in to say hi, hope the leg holds up for the run, strange the profession with adults with autism, is not a million miles from my occupation.

great to here from you by e-mail, I'm not in the best of places just now, nothing to do with gambling, and i will get through, but would just like to let you know i appreciate the mail, and would like to keep in touch when i have picked myself up a little.

Catch ya soon.

green x

A new month and another day passing gambling free. Not working today and enjoyed every moment. Met friend for coffee and then pottering around doing everyday stuff.. an ordinary day but thats fine with me.

One thing of note.. I bought new running trainers.. £85!! .. well worth the investment though. When i was gambling I would never ever have spent that sort of money on a pair of trainers or any shoes for that matter. In fact this is the most I have ever spent on any footwear ever lol

Gets me thinking that even on a low wage, which i am.. I have enough money for day to day living and bills and to treat myself from time to time. I budget my money and i even save a little. As long as i dont gamble or go out drinking heavilly on the weekend.. the money stuation is fine. Am enjoying a healthier lifestyle.

No thoughts or urges to gamble. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

HI S.A

I see you have shortened ur name, maybe u did it ages ago and ive just realised. Anyways im beginning to think along the smae kind of lines of you. I dont want much i life really, i just want to get by, without any debt or worries, and of course the odd luxery.

Maybe im lacking ambition or whatever, i dont know, all i know is i dont want a life filled with gambling and all the numerous problems it brings along.

I think the word is `stability`!

well done on another gambling free, month, you really have done well mate.

ps. look after them new trainers, no playing football in them 🙂

neil

HI SA

Just wanted to pop in to thank you for your support during my "minor nervous breakdown".

It is great and truly and inspiration to see other members getting on with normal life - sometimes I don't ever see me being able to do that but by reading peoples diaries such as yours helps to know it is possible if you really really want it.

Kisses

Georgie

Hello All,

Just back from night club.. feeling really pretty dam P*****.. it sbeen a while since the alcohol has passed my li[s quite so easilly. Am trying yo get my spelling corrext but iys really hard. Am not sure how i will feel about this postb in the morning. but hey what thw f***.. i always postbwhatever the mood or staaTE OF MIND. Am feeling ok at the momenmtn even though the alochoil has been flowing.

No gamb,ing has happeneed and thats the main thing.. f*** a doodle do.. i need to go to sleep now... ghood night all.. Regards to all who read this... S.A ... with spelling mistakes and all.. 🙂

Hi SA

Good for you. Hope the hangover was worth it LOL.

Take care

Steve E

PS Spellings are irrelavent, sentiment is everything

Hi SA,

Bet you are feeling like c**P this morning. Hope it's good to wake up knowing there is not a financial hangover as well. Does Paula Ratcliffe get hammered before a big race?

Take care,

DT.