Hope

Morning SA,

I understand your feelings about following someone's diary. Even though you don't know them personally, you probably understand their feelings better than people who are literally close to them. Do we know that the person in question has lapsed or could it be a gamcare glitch? Hope it's the latter.

Thanks for your support and advice on my diary, it means a lot, and I listen to every word.

DT.

Hi S.A,

I Also wonder where people sometimes disappear to, did they return to gambling, have they just decided to stop posting, to be honest i never thought i would be around this long, not sure why, the only reason i can think is i just don't stick to things. But like you this works for me.

I do find it hard to see all the new members joining, i just don't have the time to read all the story's and to be honest they sometimes remind me of bad times, and where i was for so many years it kinda hurts to much.

Your diary and the others i follow almost daily, give me strength, you were here when i started, and have helped me through, and i can honestly say without ever meeting a single one of you you have helped me enormously in recovery. And for that i really am grateful.

I for one hope your around for a while yet.....:-)

green x

Its pleasing to see people have stuck around on the site, even though there recovery is going so well, i suppose people when they feel they have recovered decide to stop, which they should be helping people like me and others that are new to confessing they have problems, im going to use this diary every day and also keep others feeling strong that they can fight off them urgers of gambling! Think tonight is the first night i am going to get to sleep without the worry of having lost money in the day.

Night Peace x

Hi D.t, Green and Jon.. thank you for your thoughts.

Up to now i have taken the view that if diary writing works then why stop doing it. However over recent days and perhaps weeks I have found myself becoming a little over involved in the thoughts and behaviours of others when really I want to be focussing more on myself.

I think the time has come for me to ease back on the posting. Maybe there is such a thing as addiction to recovery forums after all.. maybe i am deluding myself to say otherwise. What is true though is that I havent gambled in the 17 months since i have been here, so to anyone new.. it does work if you work it. And I shall continue to work my recovery just "one day at a time".

So anyway am still about but am just gonna ease back on the throttle a bit.. now is the time to spend a little less time in cyber space and a little more time in the real world. Warm regards to everyone who reads this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Just wanted to take this opportunity to thankyou for all your posts on my diary. Also would like to congratulate on your flawless recovery as many have said, INSPIRING, 17 months, impressive and shows what we can all do!

You are the original "one day at a time" poster, it took me a while for the penny to drop but it has now...

Many thanks again SA, take care and i hope you have a good weekend!

ps, hope your leg is improving!

Hi SA,

Thanks for your kind post, it means a lot to me. I understand fully your desire to move away from cyberspace as there is more to life than just not gambling.

Hope you hang around a little bit as your diary is a great reminder to us all what can be achieved with determination, honesty and an open mind.

Don't underestimate the inspiration you have given me and doubtless many others during your recovery. I hope life continues to improve for you and I am sure that it will. You deserve every happiness that comes your way, it's all out there, we just have to find it, wherever it may be,

Take care,

DT.

Thanks guys.. and apologies I feel a bit of a t*t.. this pulling away from the forum has lasted precisely 24 hours. Ive got up this morning and the first thing ive done is switch on the puter and come here to post.. its a part of my habit and routine.. a habit and routine that is not a gambling habit and routine! So anyway.. here i am, please ignore future pronouncments of disappearing cos they may or may not be true... the proof is in the pudding as they say. I guess I am allowed to change my mind.. its my diary of course.

Another day dawns gambling free. I was out on the sauce last night.. vodka and energy drink.. no pints. Am sick to death of pints.. they always give me a grim hangoer from hell and an extra wobbly tummy, whereas vodka (in moderation) doesn't. So today am just a bit tired but not tired and at deaths door.

Its the usual on the old money front though.. always end up spending more than planned.. same old same old.. but i had a good night for the most part. Its an occasional thing for me nowadays rather than twice weekly every week which was what it was like in my 20's.

The rest of my day will be gentle... a little tidying and cleaning.. alittle emailing perhaps.. a few calls.. go for a swim this evening. Leg has improved but its not right.. i still walk funny. Spose to be doing the great south run with my sisters next week its very touch and go whether I will be able to complete it or not.. time will tell. Regards to all who read this... happy to be posting again after such a long recess lol.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

Glad you enjoyed your sabbatical 😉

I chop and change how I feel every few hours. I reckon just being aware of what is right for you in the moment, is the best you or I can do.

I often feel fed up to the back teeth with something, then am fine a few hours later. Yesterday I was fed up to the back teeth with 'work' so got out of there and 'worked' from home for the rest of the day. Better than going apes**t and shaking someone screaming 'what is the matter with you people??!!!??'

Do you know what we are? Not as good at playing 'pretend' as everyone else. Thats literally all it is.

Have a great swim. Take care,

f x

hi sa thanks for the post as always you always seem to be about it would be a sad day when you stop posting with your good advise and all the folks on here you have helped hope you stick around all the best steve

Thanks for your thoughts Freda and Steve.

Makes sense what you say f... my emotional state fluctuates so much from hour to hour some days that i just don't know what to do. At work i contain my feelings as best i can but inside its a different story.. inevitably on occasions it all bubbles to the surface. Those days are very hard.

Days like today are a blessing.. Ive been calm and chilled out all day. Met friend for a coffee and then pottered around enjoying the autumn sunshine... a little shopping and now home to do a little posting. Later I will go for a swim.. the only exercise I can really do at the moment. Fingers crossed that i heal enough to be able to do the run next weekend. Its in the balance at the moment.

Yes, Steve I had been thinking of pulling back and even stopping posting altogether, cos it seems to be the way for most folks when theyve been here as long as i have. But to be honest I would miss it to much. Writing my thoughts whether good, bad, deluded, distorted, happy, sad, angry, not angry, chilled out, not chilled out, whatever.... it helps me to keep my gambling gremlins at bay. Bit by bit i am learning more about myself.

No thoughts or urges to gamble today... regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi S.A,

Sounds like you had a good day today, and things are going steady in your world, it's good to see, one thing i notice and relate to is the mood changes, think most of us experience them, however writing our feelings down can remind us of that fact, i had never done a diary before this one, in fact i don't think i have ever wrote anything quite like my diary. For me even this is sometimes hard to get to grips with, why do i need it?? why and how dose it help?? I'm not sure how it just works !!

This kinda links in with your thoughts on posting, and how long to keep going, i think your right, as long as it's working keep posting, if it ain't it's time to take a break, some days i think, is this healthy for me, to keep logging on to a site where, the thing i wan't gone from my life is being discussed, don't get me wrong, most story's are just so sad, people needing help and i feel powerless to do anything, but bumble down a few words of advice on occasion.

Anyhow, i think we will know deep down when the time is right to step back, the one thing i do know we are better here than sitting in an arcade.

Just my thoughts tonight, like you probably different again tomorrow....:-)

have a good week S.A.

green x

Morning SA,

Just a warm welcome back to the forum after your absence,

😉

DT.

Hi SA

Thanks for your post on my diary, glad your back and posting...

take care, ands

Hi SA

Thanks for post and answering my question on fantasy football. I have asked a few people and ive had a mixed bag of answers ,some say if you can win something then it is a gamble and some say you have to wager something for it to be a gamble .

However i have decided not to do it as you gave me some sound advice in saying will i get a buzz and will it lead to other things. Well i think in my case it certainly will,so thanks for putting me on the right track m8. Jeff.

Thanks all for dropping in guys. Another day passes gambling free.. managed my feelings well enough at work.. though from time to time things P***** me off. This evening i went for a swim, tried to run for the bus.. big mistake!

Pain and more pain in my leg.. it aint healing up quick enough for the run this weekend. I feel as if my ligaments and muscles are all jumbled up and not attached properly. It may mean a trip to the docs and medical intervention if it don't sort itself out soon. O well never mind.. in the passed i'd of hobbled off to some machine to comfort myself.. not anymore. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂