A strange post but hopefully coming from the right place. Take from it what you will, or delete it if not helpful.
I had a massive Roulette problem back in 2004-9, online and FOBT, a full on apocalyptic blow the ffing doors off self-destruction issue
I lost my flat, then I lost my job, then my friends, family and ultimately my shirt.
I found this website and posted heavily and it helped. I've now signed up with a new email because I think over the years I might've got a bit random with my dislike for Gamcare being funded by the very people that nearly drove me to suicide and got posts deleted when I mentioned it.
So why am I posting now? Well it's because I can hand on heart honestly say from being in the depths of roulette addiction (and a little bit poker and blackjack too) I haven't gambled in 3 years, and if I wasn't being honest to include a massive one-off meltdown in 2013 then it would be 7 years.
But what I've learned about myself in that time is that for all the b******P you'll read online about illnesses & disease, what I can say for truth is that I really do have an addictive personality, whatever that means. I could get addicted to water.
I'm still a needy scumbag. I still have massive issues, I still on occassion drink enough to tranqulize a rhinosaurus, and smoke enough to make anything I'm writing about "being cured of addiction" sound like S***e. But, really, anyone who is reading this in the depths of gambling addiction please take heart and hope - it DOES get better, if only financially by quiting. All the issues you have that make you gamble won't just disappear when you stop gambling - in fact, that's when you'll need the most strength, because in not gambling you'll have to face the emotional distress that drove you to gambling in the first place!
I've still got the emotional distress and fear some mornings that I want to hide away from the world. Anxiety, depression, disatisfaction with what my life is, inability to change it, Trump, the price of fish in my supermarket, yada yada yada, all the things "normal" people moan about.
Now when I feel an uncontrollable urge to press my personal nuclear big red self destruct button, I go for a run, I phone up a friend and bend their ear, I drink a few bottles of wine, I smoke a pack of cigs. But when I wake up in the morning I have a hangover and a sense of embarrasment - thank god that's all! I no longer spent my overdraft and credit cards.
So, to bring it full circle, I don't think it's fair to consider myself a "success story" - I'm still crushed by life.
But I guess I'm a success in so much as anytime things go wrong, and they do for everyone, I no longer consider gambling as crutch or option. I look back and think how deep in the gambling hole I was from 04-09, and how much I lost in terms of money, self-respect, sweaty sleepless nights, etc, and I breathe a massive ffing sigh of relief that it's no longer even on my radar.
Things REALLY do get better, how ever much money you've lost right now, let it go. Find a new addiction until you can get to the root of your repressed emotional fear.
In hope that 2017 is the year that you all become the real you. x
Great post for someone like me in early days of being GF...Thank you whoever you are.
M x
Great post mole and welcome back. I believe you where from before my time. But I've seen many of your post's from your old account. And saw many members reference some of your post's. In a good way of course
Congratulations on your 3 year's bet free..
All the best for now
Deano
It's a strange one Deano,
I can only speak from personal experience when I feel it. Something drew me back here tonight. Who knows why, I felt the need to post.
I got a lot of help here a long time ago, do you know whatever happened to JamesP?
He was a genius.
I hope your recovery is going well.
Best wishes MH
Reading stories like yours don't make me feel like I'm the only one out there. Thank you for posting
I've seen Jamesp referenced in a few people's posts but never actually seen him post in the 15 month's ive been here.
Addictive personality I can highly relate to the post. So thanks for coming back and giving us an update.
All the best
Thank you for taking the time to come back and give us an update, well done on clocking up all those years.
Dean0 wrote: I've seen Jamesp referenced in a few people's posts but never actually seen him post in the 15 month's ive been here. Addictive personality I can highly relate to the post. So thanks for coming back and giving us an update. All the best
I think maybe people like JamesP and myself stopped posting when Gamcare became too much like Mumsnet, a clique club. And especially when a few people railroad anyone who doesn't agree with GA twelve steps as being holy grail, or posters in f&f like CynicalHousewife who transgress over into other areas of the forum and spread bitter judgement in the name of "constructive help"
But, oh god I guess I've done it again. So, it's now your new world Deano... Enjoy it... Just please don't gamble anymore, and I'll see you in another decade when "Next Generation" start posting.
MH x
You sure have...Let yourself down badly there Molehole, shame, the opening post seemed like you'd matured! Ironic that the person (I assume you have added the house) you have judged the most is probably the least mumsnet on here but I guess we're all entitled to our opinions!
Oh dear. Same old same old. You seem awfully au fait with Mumsnet, MH. Do you post there yourself?
FWIW the 'genius' poster you're so obsessed with was sockpuppeting as you have been told before but clearly not noted. That said I have no idea if he was banned or simply stopped trolling of his own accord.
Really?
REALLY?
You think JamesP was a "sockpuppet"?
Haha! My god.
Fair enough then. Just carry on gambling and coming on here when you lose to sell the world it's a "DISEASE" oh boooh hooo it's a mental illness I just can't stop, don't blame me, it's not my fault it's an problem I can't cuntrol.
Here's the news....
Guess what...
Yes
Get over it.
Just don't go online, just don't walk into a chip shop, find something else to blame on the fact your life is terrible.
I apologise for giving you the harsh news, but after 16 years of really thinking about all this, I can only come to one conclusion - of all the addictions a human being has, gambling really is the weakest. Massive ego need, no fun.
Stop blaming.
Bit harsh for a forum where people at their lowest come for help 🙁
I agree sillycow, but it needs to be said. Cruel to be kind. It's like I said about the whole self indulgent mumsnet thing. Gamecare is in danger of becoming a community of like-minded people who revel in their ****ness.
Gambling addiction doesn't exist. IT'S NOT A DISEASE!
What it is, is a deep need to avoid the horror of your life.
Cancer is a disease.
Taking too much heroin will lead to a physical addiction
Playing too many fruit machines in the pub....
world's smallest violin?
I'm sure Cynical Wife would agree with me on this?
I haven't been here long but I can say that I for one am certainly not here to "revel in ****ness".
I came here 41 days ago a broken woman in the depths of despair & self loathing.
This site and it's members have helped me immensely, and I've no doubt I'd still be gambling without it.
As to the ins & outs of whether it's addiction or disease or whatever anyone knows/thinks/believes.... a newcomers forum is no place to be so brutal. It took me a long time reading here before I felt I could post...If I'd read the above...I would not have returned.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, no offence intended.
M x
Hi had you used to be smallestviolin?
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