"How have I become this person?"

Hi Diary, two months since I've posted on here, though I do read along with some threads.

At GA meeting last night, there was talk of the mind mending from gambling, but does it mend? Is gambling addiction not like grief, you never get over it just learn to live with it? It becomes less raw, maybe that is what was meant by the 'mind mending'. I know that I still have the drive to gamble, but daily I make the choice not to. My life now is better....some days are challenging...I am having to learn how to manage stress, how to communicate my feelings. But today I want life, there are things I want to do, people I want to see, experiences I want to have. Tonight I am content to be sitting with my iPad on my knee, throwing a toy for my canine pal....I have some wallpaper ready to do some decorating, some furniture paint ready to renovate a chair, material and foam to make new cushions...I do not feel weighed down by these things, they are jobs I want to do. Whilst gambling my mind, my soul was in pain and chaos...I don't think gambling caused that, I think gambling was my response. I am thankful for the night I dared to go through the door at GA, I am thankful for the genuine, honest people I have met, I am thankful that they challenge me to think, and address the factors that led me to compulsive gambling. The Serenity prayer has become important to me...particularly the first line 'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change'......I don't usually get any further than that, but it is frequently on my lips. Life is, what life is, some things just have to be accepted, and lived through.....fighting it, is just a waste of physical and emotional energy.

My name is Helen, I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was 5/5/17.

Hey Stranger, top update 🙂

So lovely to see you finding your way. The serenity prayer has been huge for me too & that all important 1st line is what helps me fit myself to the World not need it to revolve around me anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I still want it to & then the 2nd line gets a look in!

I’ll leave you with a message that’s just come through from one of my lovely GA friends:

“Peace & happiness comes from retraining your mind to accept life as it is rather than how you think it should be.”

My name is Kelly, I am a compulsive gambler, last bet 21/12/16

Morning Helen.

Not seen a post from you in a while and I’m happy to see that you’re on 177 days bet free.

Go you

You know we often value life by what’s in our pockets. When we come to the end of the road what’s in our pockets will mean nothing. What we did with our time will leave a legacy within other people. I don’t want to be remembered as the person who threw all his money away on a pointless dream I want people to remember the good times I shared with them. Memories

Time doesn’t get a look in whilst in addiction.

Not updated in a long long time. Still have my date 5/5/17. GA has become a regular part of my life, and helps me make sense of the rest of my life. I have learnt to reach out to people, rather than run to a machine; I have learnt to sit with emotions, rather than seek a way to deaden them. My life is not perfect, in fact at the moment it is one big Unknown. Am I tempted to go back to the machines? Yes at times. I know though, that if I succumb it will rob me of my self esteem, it will lead to a life of loneliness....no not a life, an existence. Just taking it one day at a time.

Total :

Hi Rhoda, I love to see a success story as on this site they are rare, or at least difficult to see in a person for a long time. Well done ur a success. The slots will not bring u happiness , they will not bring u money, and like you say they will bring you an existence filled with loneliness. I'm hoping to remain to be following you in you're quest for a more fruitfull life because we deserve it, adam

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