Your 'corrected' post about the dogs made me laugh, but on a serious level, well done Change, you are taking this recovery journey to the next level and making a real difference in your life. You are realising the differences too! Keep it up and keep enjoying breaking these little mini targets along the way! Fantastic idea 🙂 Well done for entering September gamble free.
-Ryan
Target 4
Do some exercise. I've been really good over the past week except for this weekend so need to go for a run today to get back on track and improve my health.
Story 4
This one really annoys me as it is all about greed and it's one that I think about the most. I'd put about £1,000 into an account and doubled it so withdrew my deposit back. With the £1,000 winnings I'd got up to £4,000 over a period of about a month. I was then hit with a few losses and my balance was £2,000. Did I stop then and get out? No, did I heck. I wacked the whole lot on a tennis match and lost it all. This then led to a spiral of chasing winnings and then chasing losses. Really difficult period of my life where if I hadn't been greedy I could have walked away with a huge sum of money but I'm a compulsive gambler and we never stop.
Leason leant 4
A one off bet is never going to be good enough for me so there is no point thinking I'm ever back to 'normal'. Gambling is over and life is beginning.
Hi change
I like how you try to learn a lesson. You could actually broaden your lesson-learning.
I can see that reinforcing the bad logic of gambling is reassuring in the early days especially.
But then again foolishness of compulsive gambling has never been in doubt. I could simply point to an estimated £130k lost and 16 years. Case closed.
But what if you look to why you gambled.... I think for everyone it's escapism. For me from it was fears of rejection.
Great yr stopping smoking. Both smoking and gambling are avoidance strategies and so fulfilling the same negative functions Of hiding from our emotions.
Good luck
Hi Cardhue... thanks for your post. In future stories I will try to think of why I gambled in that particular scenario. I could also try to explain why I think I became a compulsive gambler... although I am not fully sure why or how it all happened at the start. I think it was just greed and wanting more and faster than I could earn it.
Follow up on target
Gone for a 50 min run and I did about 2 hrs of gardening this morning. Glad that I've got back into some exercise as I've not been eating quite as well.
Well done on the run Change and I hope your eating imrpoves.
Like quite a few things you have mentioned I can certainly resonate with that.
Likewise what you mention below in Lesson 4. As I talked about in my first post. £5 down on a football bet, won £95. Thought I was invincible. Could have gone out for a nice dinner with the Missus, but of course not. So, now I’m trying to treat us once a month. Even if it is only a Takeaway!
Leason leant 4
A one off bet is never going to be good enough for me so there is no point thinking I'm ever back to 'normal'. Gambling is over and life is beginning.
Also, like you I have never entered a dog, well not that I remember anyway!
Keep at it.
Not Again
Thanks Not Again... my new diary is definitely helping me more to not want to repeat any episodes of gambling. The goal is day is also helping me to see positive progress in other aspects of my life which have been neglected.
Target 5
I realise how often gambling has caused me to take my wife for granted so today I will tell her how much she means to me.
Story 5
As a compulsive gambler I think one trait is that we are in denial about how serious the problem is and we don't arrest it soon enough. I would say I've been a problem gambler for 3-4 years. However when I was sorting out the spare room I found a bank statement from Sept 2008 which was a long list of gambling related transactions. Every day there was £20 coming out and occasionally £100 coming out. This showed to me that the problem has been around for much longer than I thought and probably the impact of my gambling is even greater than I perceive. It's another indictation that I lie to myself as well as others in order to play down the problem and allow me to continue gambling. I have obviously been a compulsive gambler for much longer than I initially thought.
Day dream 5
Wish for a month where there are no gambling related transactions on my bank statements. Wish for a month where I'm not afraid to open up the statements as I know they won't be full of going transactions.
Reflection
The only reason I can think why I gambled is for greed, impatience and wanting more. There might be something around the buzz and adrenaline rush but I think it is more around wanting to have a load of cash. I'll need to think around this for longer but that's my initial thinking. There have been times where I gambled to get away from a bad situation but those are not frequent. However in more recent years I've known that I can't make money gambling but I've continued and I think that is due to this sense of 'wanting to get even'... not wanting to accept defeat and not wanting to attempt that the bookies have beaten me. Does that make sense to anyone?
I might take a break from the forum for a while just to try and forget about gambling. In a weird way talking through gambling reminds me of gambling. Or alternatively I may try to just look once a week or once a day.
I'll probably go back on what I'm saying now and be here every hour haha.
Never seen it work out to well for addicts when they start pretending nothing happened. You have gone 18 days without a bet & posted on all those days. Why would you stop doing that. Im guessing addiction is working its magic with you again. Be careful, i spot a return to old ways coming
There's no return to gambling but it's in my thoughts all the time and trying to break that cycle is what I want to do. I might keep posting as my previous post was just a thought and it was something I had posted about a week or so ago. I would really like a period of not thinking about gambling at all... but that's a struggle and maybe you're right that continued posting on here is the correct approach. I'll give it a try seeing as you recommend that as the best option. I'm open to all advice and really enjoy the dialogue when it comes. Thanks for your contribution it is appreciated.
Target 6 and 7
Yesterday I wanted to finish off sorting out the front garden and I did that. It took me roughly 3 hours.
When I woke up this morning I really wanted to some more exercise so I went for a 10 mile run which has absolutely ruined my legs. I keep stretching every 5 mins and it's that weird pain which is actually soothing in a way.
Story 6
After work once I was really on tilt and needed a bet. I went to the shop and pondered over it missing two trains home in the process. So on the train home delayed I kept checking my phone and as we got to a nearby station to home my man was serving to win the match so I thought Id get off cash my winnings and wouldn't be fussed id needed to wait for another train! As I got off and walked to the bookies to collect my winnings my man proceeded to dump his serve, lose the next game and then dump his serve again! I couldn't believe it. I'd lost a tonne of cash and missed at least 3 train homes. Get home eventually and cook some food, steaming inside as much as he food was and proceeded to lie to my wife about how work was so tough and I was so late back. All nonsense. Then a tough nights sleep followed where I kept repeating my idiocy in my mind.
Lesson learnt 6
Gambling takes over your life. You miss doing everyday things and miss out spending time with loved ones. It makes you feel like s**m and can ruins a perfectly fine day.
Story 7
A gambler is considered a font of knowledge to all his mates when it comes to gambling. Everyone wants to ask an opinion and get thoughts on their next bet. All the time the people socialising with you are making you think of betting and enticing you into other punts not knowing the demons inside.
Lesson learnt 7
Tell your friends you have a problem. It helps a lot. They quickly turn and start looking out for you. I find myself saying "I bet all the tea in china that you couldn't do X" and they reply saying "you can't bet mate"! It's got to a point where they can joke about it to me but still appreciate the severity of my situation. It also prohibits you from going to bookies where they could be as you know you'll get marched out. It's just another helpful barrier to gambling.
You may want to not think about gambling but avoiding the elephant in the room is pretty unrealistic isnt it? I understand it would be nice to just lead a regular day without anxiety, guilt & shame but the longer we attempt to try to sweep those feelings under the carpet the longer they remain as the dirt beneath our feet.
Dan
Another handy tip I use is in my garage I put up a sheet of cardboard with 100 dots on it representing a 100 days. Each day I cross off one of the dots. I find it helpful as a visual tool but it does remind me how far I have to go.
I think have a smaller chart with the next 10 days broken down into 4hr dots so 60 dots in total. That moves faster so it helps to see more progress if you can just go 4 hrs without a bet you get another cross.
It's probably overkill for a lot of people but thought id throw it out there.
Anyone got any other weird and wonderful hints or tips?
Dan - I think it is possible to go days and weeks and even months without thinking about gambling. There may be external forces which will rejig your memory about gambling and ruin a streak of gambling thought free days but to actively seek to think about gambling, or not gambling as it would be, every single day is not something I want to commit to and nor should it be the goal in my opinion. You make valuable comments and I don't want to deter you (quite the opposite!) but I don't want to agree on that point.
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