i absolutely love..... ....not gambling

you can do it mate :D.

Sounds a lot like myself, that typical "one more spin" turns into another and another until everything is lost.

I too can feel the debt. Thanks to gambling it will take me at least 6 months to clear all my debt and that is only if I dont have a gamble again.

Best of luck mate!!!

Thanks sparkz

It scares the c**P out of me how similar my story/experiences are.

unfortunately I've lumbered my wife and I with a debt that will take a bit more than 6 months to clear, which isnt fair on her at all. I just hope she can stand by me and we can get through this, I dread to think what will happen if she leaves me.

The bit that upsets me most about all this, is just how good our lives could be.

and as for yourself - 6 months to clear it all - that's most definately do-able. Just make the most of this moment and don't let it become any worse. can you imagine if you manage to be frugal for 6 months and clear everything - then another 6 months but saving the money instead - just imagine what you could treat yourself to!!!

thanks again for the quick reply and best of luck to you

dan

The start of day two. Gotta stay strong. How does a physical act, placing bets, leave me mentally so fragile?!

Hi Dan

Your Story sound so much like mine. I too am under a mountain of debt. I, like you , with I could clear it all in 6 months, however, it will be more like 10 years. After coming clean to my wife 2 1/2 years ago she said to me that if I ever did it again she would leave me, and, trust me, she meant it. However, here I am back in the same old mess. I hate the person gambling has made me become. The lies, the deceit. I have to carry on with the lies though to keep my family together.

I really hope your wife stands by you Dan and I hope for both of your sakes that you are able to give up gambling once and for all. I would not wish the life of a CG on my worst enemy

Take care mate

AndrewDP

close to end of day two, trying to unsubscribe to every gambling related email that comes through, even via junk mail. I was tempted to try using one just now as it was a £1000 of free spins but it felt bloomin marvellous when I deleted the email instead. emptied the trash to so I can't get it back in two minutes time. looking forward to making it three days tomorrow.

of course it does help that england are smashing the aussies in the cricket!! 🙂

come on dan, stay away from the life breaking choices

andrew thanks for the message. I'm really feeling for you right now.

My wife cannot understand why I wasn't able to talk to her after all isnt that what should be a point of difference in a marriage?... But yeah somehow I was never able to get the words out, goodness only know there have been so many times I have wanted to say it.

I've also destroyed her by the deception but she has taught me a great lesson this week, she opened the presents I had got her for christmas - told me how amazing they were and how they were probably the best presents I had got her, without any of her input. She even loved a pair of jeans, which fitted well and looked amazing on her and she always, always, moans about how hard she finds it to get jeans that fit her properly. I felt good that she liked the presents so much until she turned round and sent them back.

I know how hard that was for her to do as well but she is petrefied of the debt I have created. By crikey, seeign her do that has hurt me really bad. i never want to put in this situation again.

She's also very anti gambling and I really thought if she found out she would walk away but I've underestimated her and only now I realise that by not telling her, I could have never been the husband she deserved.

Sorry a long digression there but I would implore you to find a way of getting this in the open. Whilst you try and hide the debt it will only grow and grow.

and please dont think im lecturing, this message/diary is as much for me to talk to myself as it is anythign else...

good luck fella

Spending lots of time on tuis website but fnding it useful, loving the iPhone right now as can access on the move and have a link saved to homepage

feeling great about not gambling and really enjoyed using debit Card earlier knowing the transaction would go through.

Hi an hope u staying strong. Its funny really how we can be married and share a house, and our lives but our inner secrets and faults are very rarely discussed and often the person we spend most of our time with, is the last person we feel we can confide in. I suppose its becos we dont like to disappoint the one person who thinks they know us and who we should be able to tell everything to.

So I think it shows how wonderful your wife is that she is trying to help you and take charge of getting this debt sorted out. Bless her for sending back her presents, not many would have done that.

Only way you can make it up to her is by not gambling and show her she means more to you than the gambling and stick with it. Remind yourself when you get weak moments, how much you love her and what life would be like without her.

Yes you would have your gambling but then wot? an empty home and no money and no love.

I am writing this as a reminder to myself as well as I have finally told my hubby about playing online for real money (he thought it was just the free bonus I was playing with) an it wasnt until one evening he sat there an said he hoped I wasnt depositing as he would be so upset as I would get into debt. He couldnt understand last year when I accrued lots of debt but I told him it was overspending on the family etc. u know the usual cover up stories!

Decided to come clean and he didnt shout which I think was worse! but he tried to understand an I promised him I wouldnt even go on the free sites. Wish I had sat down and talked about my addiction years ago but daft as it sounds I wasnt sure how he would react, shout, leave me etc he said he would have been more upset if I had left him over money than the debt I had when that could be remedied.

And at one time we went thro a horrible time as I got more an more into debt an thought only way would be to leave but never told him I had those intentions. Now life is looking up

So stay strong Jan x

Jan, many thanks for you message. I couldn't agree with you more. I've also found myself writing lots of comments elsewhere and most of those have ben more to myself than to the original author.

I'm just now listing lots of stuff on an infamous website, sacrificing a few things that I'm gonna lose lots on and will one day want to rebuy but I see this as part of my cleansing process.

And yes my wife is amazing, the way she has reacted has been spot on so far, even though she is clearly hurting and is dreading getting through the next 18 months with no treats or extravagances. She works bloomin hard to, knowing that shell be there everyday with nothing to show for it is gonna be horrendous. Knowing that she's willing to do that to help

me is as big an incentive for me to never gamble again as I could hope to have. So far so good.

And to whoever originated these phrase, thanks I like it: I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Hi Dan,

Just wanted to drop in and say Hi and that I'm really rooting for you.

I like how you are using your diary to just shout down the things that pop into your head.

Great stuff on the wife standing by you, I wrote my fiancée a letter convinced I would never see her again but we are trying to get through each day.

After the fallout prepare for burst of anger or sadness over what we have done to our loved ones and let em

do it, we deserve it, they don't. Just repay the faith they show in us Dan.

Wishing you all the best.

Smokey

smokey,

thanks for the message of support. I'm with you on the letting them remind us now and then just what we've done to them, as you put it, we deserve it.

as for the randomness of my diary, you're spot on as well, I've so many thoughts buzzing right now that I'm trying to sort through them all, so far, this is really helping.

anyhow thanks again and i look forward to us both staying clear!!!!

regards

Dan

right dan, you plonker, you're debts as they stand actually total over £40k, not the £35k you tried to fob off at the start.

the really bad debt actually comes to £23,728 including 6 payday loan companies and four credit cards.

for that money you could have brought your wife, 36, yes thirty six!! of the mulberry handbags that she has wanted for the last year.

If anyone else does reach this point of my diary and they are thinking of using the payday option, please see my example of why you must avoid it at all costs!!!!

income £2000 a month, repaying interest only on PD loans and the minimum payments on the CC comes to £1865.

so before any food, fuel, or other general living cost is deducted you have left yourself with £135. thats about 10 minutes in the bookies.

excuse my frnech everyone but shiiiiitttteee meeee!!!! no wonder I'm so freaking depressed/ desperate!!!!!!

Bank/ CAB first thing Monday I think!!!!!!

Hi Dan,

I was just reading your diary...I am also a newbie here and I found that posting here is really helping in my recovery process.

I know your feeling depress and desperate due to all the debts you've accumulated through gambling. As long as you have a job, it will all be sorted out eventually I'm sure. I know it's hard right now because you are still in the beginning process.

I also had to get a payday loan due to my gambling sprees. I just paid it off 2 weeks ago and I can't tell you how much a relief that was.

I'm sure you will sort things out sooner than later. Be strong!! You can do it.

Vegas

thanks for dropping by vegas, I'm depressed when i think of what ive done to my wife and to our relationship and especially when I think of how ling the next 18 months/2 years is going feel like but I am also in a state of jubilation at the moment as my deepest darkest secret is once again out in the open only this time I am determined to not let myself or my family down again. I have decided that I no longer have a problem with gambling, because I no longer do it.

I no longer gamble. I don't believe in it. I don't like it, I most certainly don't enjoy it and so I have stopped.