I am stronger than I thought!

Charlotte

....having and showing feelings is not a weakness so don't ever think that....having feelings makes us human.

I came from a "boot camp" feelings are weak family which is no surprise at now 45 I have had one nervous breakdown and a succession of failed relationships and now spending a lot of my time in recovery getting in touch with feelings.

If expressing feelings had been accepted in my younger days doubt I would be in this mess now.

Its a very British thing this "no feelings"..if you look at other parts of the world they have no problem expressing their feelings....Italians are particulaly good at it.

Keep showing those feelings lovely as it is what makes us most human and most beautiful in our souls....we are not machines..

Your beauty shines through Charlotte and long may that continue...ignore those negative messages as your in good company with folk who do show their feelings...

You are a true inspiration Charlotte....keep posting hun as your voice AND feelings matter xxx

Hugs

Rach and Dotty xx

Hey Char,

Thank you so very much for your kind words on my diary.. it means the world to me! The feelings are entirely mutual! I just wish I had your good sense when I was your age!

I had a much better day today, think the sunshine helps!!

How was your day? Hope you are keeping well and being strong.

Take care Char and keep fighting the good fight xxx

Thanks Charlotte, my daughter loved the nail varnish. Taking her tomorrow shopping for more bits and bobs to do with make up. I haven't a clue. She's nine going on 19 or at least thinks she is. Take care, hope you and the family are well. Stay strong, Steve

Thank u 4 all ur kind words and support on my diary 🙂

Hmmm , not much 2 say really... in a real thinking mood .. feeling unsure about my own journey atm!

Still gamble free!

Hope everyone else is doing well!

Hi Charlotte

Firstly thanks for your positivity and kind words on my diary, after reading through your diary I

can see the positivity you have and hope to a positive when I reach the same stage of being bet free

Stay your positive self

Regards

Scoot

Hiya Charlotte...

Am getting better by the day now and relieved I don't have to go into work til next week...yay!

Always a pleasure to see you Charlotte and no way are you patronising... xxx

Hoping you and your little one are okay and enjoying the sun..

hugs

Rach and Doo xxx

Hi Charlotte, hope today finds you and your lovely little family well.

I just finished reading your diary from scratch, and Im amazed at your maturity and sensibility, your a very strong and wise young woman.

You're an absolute credit to yourself, so stand up and take a bow.

Thank you for your posts on my diary, you're such an inspiring person, and your posts mean so much to myself and soooo many others on here.

Have a great evening hun, All the best to you and yours,

Cameron 😀

HI Charlotte,

Thank you for your post on my diary, hope your enjoying the sunshine.

Stay strong charlotte your doing so well in your recovery and the support that you offer to people is admirable.

Blondie day 31 xx

Hi Char

Thanks for your post as always.

You know you said something on my diary the other day about not being ready to face your demons (or words to that effect). That's exactly how I have been feeling for the last 3 months and even though I have faced a few of them, I still have a long way to go. It does occasionally lead to a major blow out, which is what I had the other day!! 😉

Is that what you are feeling unsure about in your journey right now? Forgive me if I'm being presumptuous but your last post just concerned me a bit.

You know, this is your diary, your space. You can talk about things here, you don't have to go into major detail, but sometimes it helps to see things in black and white. And you may find that some people have similar experiences and can help/guide/advise you.

I don't want to pressure you.. and I'm certainly not one to speak about opening up.. but I must say even though I was a tad irrational the other day, I do feel better for having aired the warts and all!

Of course, it's entirely up to you.. I just hope that all the thinking you are doing leads to a little more certainty in your journey.

And of course, I'll always be here to 'hold your hand'.. I can't leave the site yet cos if I take away the foundation stone, the walls will probably come tumbling down!!

Take care Char xxx

Thanks 4 all ur kind words on my diary 🙂

Something was said the other nite and it got me thinking.... i've probably been thinking 2 much lol

I didn't want 2 write 2 much earlier as I knew it would sound negative but I have been gamble free 4 a month 2day and I should be happy and i'm not. I could lie and say I am but i'm really not. I am not sure that i'm ready 2 live my life without gambling just yet!!

I do not want 2 make ne quick decisions 4 once, I have been trying 2 work things out clearly in my head.

Recently, I have been pushing away everyone that means nething 2 me!! I am scared that I will lose everything in my life that matters right now... I really am.

I don't like feeling this way.. I usually try 2 not allow myself time 2 feel this way..

This journey has been soooo tough 4 me and atm I am unsure of what the future holds...

I don't want to sound negative, I am for once just saying how I feel....

mmmmm... a difficult post to reply to Charlotte. You sound on the edge of giving up, and also you seem to be equating the loss of gambling in your life with your pushing away of the people you care for. I just wondered.. do you think that gambling is a calming influence on your life, and so would not add extra pressure to relationships?

It is difficult to be honest all the time, and I admire your being honest about how you feel today. A suggestion.. take it or leave it... why don't you get a piece of paper. Make 2 lists.. side by side. Label them " Why I should not gamble"... and "Why I should gamble"... and try to fill them in... not all at once.. but over the next few days. Give yourself breathing space to think and as thoughts come to you.. you can add them to the list. I am sure that you will put your daughter at the top of the should not gamble list...but I hope you put yourself second on that list. I am also sure that there will be many other additions to that side. It may help you focus and make a decision that is right for you at this time.

I hope I have not said anything to upset you, and you, as are all of us, are free to take or leave the advice given.

I am sure that you will get lots of support and advice from the many people on here that you have supported so much in the last 2 months.

Stay strong Charlotte

Best wishes

Jon

"Your fragile, folded wings are just tired from the pure blue sky. You don't have to force your smiles for anyone It's okay to smile... for yourself.".... somehow this lyrics came to me, when I was reading through your diary. Do not give up Charlotte. Keep fightning, keep punching gambling demons as fiercely and with grace as you did so far, being the inspiration for me and many here. stay strong, stay safe. K.

Hello again,

Firstly, don't worry about sounding negative.. you are saying what you feel and that's a good thing!

I have to echo a lot of what Jon has said.. you probably need to weigh up the pros and cons and see what comes out on top.

Just one thing I want to add.. you say that you have been pushing away people you care about for fear of losing them.. what would gambling do to resolve that? Or is it just that it would make you 'think' less?

As you know, stopping gambling for me has had it's pros (many of them) but on the flip side, it has made me realise my many flaws.. things that gambling helped me to block out.

Perhaps the same sort of thing is happening with you? If so, then there are ways of dealing with these things without thinking gambling will solve them.

Your own words to me were 'Gambling is a false protection'. I'm pretty sure it won't solve your problems, or make you feel more secure in your relationships or make you feel happier...

You are doing absolutely the right thing by not making any rash decisions. I think it will help you to talk to someone - maybe give the helpline a call?

You are such a strong person Char, who has come a very long way on this often bumpy journey. Smoother roads are just round the corner Char..

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Edison

You are getting a lot closer to success.. keep going.. I promise you won't regret it.

xxxx

hello char

just reading ur recent posts babe and it sounds like ur not happy at the min. hows things been going lately. we aint spoke for a while on chat have we. ive been so busy again lately. loving the sun at the min gotta make the most of it aint we. this journey is never gonna be easy hun but just think of ur little treasure u have and them smiles and tha'll drive u on.if u ever wanna talk or ought just drop me a message on my diary :). hope ur ok. i should be on chat on sunday be nice to speak to u 🙂 take care and keep on smiling 🙂 xxx

If I had a daughter.. I'd want her to be just like you!

Was good to catch up with you too..

Stay strong and keep fighting! x