I am stronger than I thought!

Thanks everyone 4 ur continued support.

This post is hard 4 me and it's from my heart.

Speaking in chat made me think and confirmed something 4 me....

I am sorry 2 ne one that I have ever upset, I truly am.

As I am writing this the tears r falling and I never cry lol

This journey has been tough and a rollercoaster ride, I have clung on 2 get thru each day.. and I made it 2 1 mth 2day!!

Graham, u r right I need 2 face my issues!!

I think the ppl on this website are truly amazing, whilst battling there own demons they still find time to support others it is inspirational.

I can't thank u all personally enough 🙂

U r all going 2 beat this, I know u r 🙂

Hi Charlotte

It is good to cry and let some frustration out. I'm not sure what you are trying to say with your last post but it isn't really anyone's business, as long as you know what it stands for. Our past is always there and shapes us one way or another in our future. We have to make decisions sometimes and stand by them. No one knows what is right or wrong it is just a case of being a good judge for ourselves and our loved ones. "Your issues" will be fsced when the time is right, do not try to force it as you could do more harm than good. I have been in recovery from alcohol for a very long time and still yet to confront everything. You take it easy on yourself and get a good rest. Recovery is only part of your life's journey!

Take care

Thanks Smiler u r rite 🙂

I think I had a bit of a mini meltdown there, listening to others!!

I have spoke to my bf and I know I am doing well!

Gambling will not help me now, I need 2 help myself!!

I cannot let someone else ruin my recovery, when I have done nothing wrong!!

Red, thanks 4 ur support, u always cheer me up xx

1 Month 2day, I have to stop putting 2 much pressure on myself!!

One day at a time, sorry for the negative posts 2day!

2moro is a new day 🙂

Phew !

Good !

That's all

Jon

Hi chal

for one so young you are extremely wise and so passionate, use all that energy and passion and be the best you can be, i don't know if you have personal goals or ambitious but i think you sell yourself short, you can be anything and your bf and daughter are very very lucky.

stay strong chal, ur a diamond

Thanks 4 ur support and kind words Stocko 🙂

So wobble over.... I am learning a lot about myself on this journey... I put a lot of pressure on myself in everyday life. Sometimes it is ok 2 not be ok or strong that does not make me weak but human!

My bf knew I was feeling down so he bought me and a couple of my friends tickets 2 Alton Towers for 2moro how lucky am I 2 have such a gr8 supportive boyf, I told him I was worried about pushing him away he told me he is going no where 🙂

So I get 2 ride these rollercoasters 4 fun lol!

Then a nite out in town 4 me 2moro nite lots of drinking and dancing just what I need! I will be strong and stay away from those machines. A photo of my little girl on my phone 2 remind me that she deserves better if I get an urge 🙂

I treated my bf 2 a take away tonight 2 say thanks 🙂 made me feel good beats gambling!

Had a gr8 day will my little girl in the sunshine, I am feeling more detemined than ever 2 beat this now 🙂

Interesting chat 2nite, the advisor mentioned something that I had often wondered. Y when we have a slip do we start counting the days again... the gamble free time b4 the slip still counts. Food 4 thought 🙂

Well this journey is tougher than I ever imagined but it is sooo worth it!

No gambling 2day 🙂

One day at a time!

I hope everyone else is doing well 🙂

ODAAT indeed!

Weldy

Hi Charlotte

You mention beating this! I believe we never really beat it we just learn to accept it is there and live in harmony with it. The only time I have beaten it will be the day I die! If I stayed away for a number of years then I have beaten it for that amount of time. So far I am living alongside it and leave it alone. Try not to focus on beating it as you are winning by staying away! Take care

Hi Char. I don`t post much these days. You are a very grown up lass for your age. Bright, intelligent and yet so caring.

Now the Old Man of Gamcare wants a word with you. Do not let this addicition become entrenched. You have much going for you. I won`t give you the whole Uncle Grizzly Grahams accounts of where gambling leads. This is not hear say, these things have happened to recovering friends of mine. They have done things, that you right now, wouldn`t comtemplate. I am sure at your stage they never did.

OK you admit to demons. No monopoly on that one. Demons come in many forms. Feelings of guilt, bad choices, regrets and so on. My friend had split up with his wife and she shortly after died. A demon that took him to within 24 hours of sucide due to his gambling addiction.

My sisters brother thought he was guilty for his mothers death. His marriage broke down, he split from the family and poor fellow did not the greatest of jobs of bringing up his kids. After 2 sessions of being in intensive care he finally died, he was on 2 bottles of vodka a day. His body was discovered in a bed sit weeks later.

I could say more but won`t. Now for me, gambling put a sedative on my own demons. It`s expensive but much worse it creates an even bigger demon. Think you know what I am saying. Some of my friends have had to deal with being abused as a child. Something that can make me cry just thinking of their experiences.

I know you say counselling is not for you. OK. Yet I think there is much to be gained by facing fear. I am not so arrogant to say that if you externalised your negative feelings, they would figure low on a scale from 1 to 10 but I do think that slowly letting them out, with proffessional support , would be a benefit.

I was at your age carted off to a mental hospital, suffering from paranoia. So just maybe I know a wee bit about this.

Sadly, in our society it is expected to play the role. New house, designer wife ( lol ) great job and all. So many pressures. Many are losing their homes and all the terrible grief that brings.

Now Char, at 19 many things that are good are unfolding for you. Maddison, your partner and a job. Does it really matter that your friends gamble? No, their choice not yours. Might be that your refusal not to gamble may be something they can take on board at some time.

I have an acquaintance, 50 ish. Second wife and his lad has disappeared. He doesn`t seem bothered. Works all hours as it funds his gambling habit. Asked me for help but I don`t think he was really serious.

Keep doing well. Make Maddison your rock. There will be weak times, you may have another slip. Never will it take away all the things that you have learned from your recovery.

keep on trucking

Graham

Morning,

Hope you had a lot of fun at Alton, would not fancy standing in queues in this heat. But suppose its better if there are a few of you.

So nice that your boyfriend did that, he must really appreciate you. Sound like a keeper to me lol

Counting days before a relapse. I think it's everyone own recovery and they should do what's best for the

Ultimately we are answerable to ourselves. Me I do not count days at all. cause we are all in the same place, one bet away from the hell that was our life

Anyways your sounds pretty upbeat at the moment , long may it last !

Dusty xxx

Thank u for ur comments, not sure what to make of them all tbh 🙂

I had a gr8 day at the theme park yesterday, even caught the sun 🙂

Missed my little girl tho.... I was suppose to be going straight in2 town on the nite from my friends but had 2 go home 4 a cuddle 1st 🙂

Town was fun (my head is a little sore tho) lol 2 many vodkas!

A new Casino had opened last nite in town, they were giving away free £5 bets if u joined and then a cash match up2 a certain amt. My friends all went in 2 join, but 4 once I did not care about gambling, I had enjoyed my day so I went home.... Happy with money in my pocket 🙂 B4 I would have joined and lost hundreds, £5 would not have been enough!! I am very proud. I am learning sooo much about myself on this journey and although I will have wobbles and bad days I feel very positive:)

Graham, u know that I think u r an inspiration... I will be posting on ur diary in a sec xx

Off 2 a bbq at my brothers in a bit 🙂

Stay strong everyone and enjoy the sunshine 🙂

Hi Charlotte,

What a lovely post to read 🙂

Fun in the sun , cuddles , a night out and the best bit............ not wanting to gamble even with tempation so close!

That just shows even though a tough few days you are still making the right choices!

Sooooo proud of you girl

Enjoy the bbq this afternoon

Keep Strong Charlotte you really are doing well 🙂

Lucy x

Hey Charl,

Brilliant brilliant post there. The demon reared it's ugly head and really pushed you but you did not even bat an eyelid absolute proof if you needed it that you are doing wonderfully well on your journey.

It really is a pleasure to read your diary and I hope your forward momentum continues for a long time to come 🙂

Flagg

Hey Charlotte, well done for not gambling you must be so proud of yourself! It must be hard if others around you are doing it so it just shows how far you have come. Keep up the good work x

Thank u 4 all ur support and kind words on my diary 🙂

I've had a gr8 day 2day, bbq at my brothers with family and friends... I enjoyed chilling in the sunshine 🙂

No Gambling 2day 🙂

I read this poem earlier it fits well 4 me atm 🙂

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

Neway, I hope everyone is staying strong and doing well 🙂