I am what I am

I am so pleased my counselling session is by phone tomorrow. I am beginning to look a touch rough from not being near a bed for a couple of days ?

@ford2017, thank you so much for popping by, that means a lot. I hope you are keeping well my friend. 

Evening diary 

I actually managed to nick a few hours sleep last night which I think will have done me the world of good. Apparently I am looking a little more sparkly than I did ?. It’s been another busy work day and I have some things to do overnight but not quite as relentless as it has been. I wouldn’t swap what I do for anything else though. I really do love it and I thrive because of my work tbh. Purpose is important to me.

I had my counselling session by phone today. The first phone session I have had. I was in good form and I know that my counsellor could see that. She was pleased with my progress over the last month and so am I. I have a few people that I am grateful to for getting me through my most recent difficult time, hubby, counsellor and Drama to name a few. I do genuinely feel different now. 

If I go on I am in danger of being as soppy as Drama says I am (she has a specific term) so I will pause ?

Oh, and Boo - I ordered some jigsaws. They are going to be fab ?

take care all xx

Hi Murlo

Thank you for popping by my diary and sharing your kind, supportive words. I’m glad you managed to get a bit of sleep and feeling a bit better in yourself. I hope you and hubby are feeling much better and have got over the worst.

I certainly can relate to the part about work and having a purpose. That’s definitely true with me also. Work is what keeps me on both sane and motivated. 

Also with a lot of thanks to you I’ll be hitting 28 days - four whole weeks. Thank you for your your ongoing support and when I needed it the most. 

Sending hugs from a distance. 

Lonely x

Afternoon diary. Just a short pop in.

Finished self isolation today. Started work from home at 3am. By 10am I was back in uniform, glad to be helping where it is needed most right now. Having a bite to eat and then it is on call overnight so I suspect I might not see a bed for a while. I wouldn’t change my job for any other in the world though. 

Not a thought for gambling. Haven’t had for some time and I am very grateful for that. 

Stay safe everyone xx

Thank you for visiting my diary Murlo.

Sorry to read that you have been self isolating  for the last two weeks. Hopefully now you are as fit as a fiddle and raring to go.

All is well with me and I am gamble free for that is just the way I always longed to be.

Stephen x 

Today has been an all sorts day but I am very happy. I went out early to shop, my first experience post coronavirus and I was humbled with how I was treated. I am fairly emotional at the mo and I did not want to cry in the supermarket but everyone was just so lovely ?. I am in a good place. I might even pop into chat tonight and see how it goes. I think I am better placed to handle things now or at least know when to step back. 

love to all x

Evening diary, still gamble free ?

I didn’t handle yesterday very well in the end. Maybe it’s helpful sometimes to have a reminder about things that trigger me and make me bit vulnerable. I made some poor choices, the main thing is that I don’t do the same again. I looked pretty shocking most of the day but I think I am beginning to look a little better. Drama says my sparkle is coming  back and that’s good news ?

stay safe all xx

Hi diary, 

It’s been a while...The last few days have been full on and I have kind of lost track of time, day of the week, my name (joking on that one!). I have lost the sense of routine just because work demands are so great and unpredictable. I felt a bit battle weary for the first time yesterday evening when I learnt that I would have to get up and out of the house for work at a ridiculously early hour, even early for a lark like me. I crashed out pretty early last night on the sofa which is NOT like me. That’s my hubby’s specialty ?. At least I got some sleep in though. 

Arrived home tonight to a wonderful feast of my favourite food which was awesome. It was just nice to unwind and eat a proper meal for a change.  

Back on my travels in the wee small hours of the morning again so I am hoping for a few good hours sleep. To some extent I am pleased that I don’t have too much time to process things at the moment as some of it is not easy stuff at all. I know I can’t ignore it completely though because at some point   I will stop and think so I just need to prepare for that. I am waffling. Time to stop ?

150 days gamble free today. That’s a plus ?

Murlo SuperStar.

Congratulations on 150 Days Gamble Free.

Wishing you happy days as you continue on your great adventure.

Stephen x 

Congratulations ? murlo 150 days gf , your doing amazing , hope your well ??

Hi murlo, thought I'd pop by and say hello, all the best you're doing great

Hi Murlo,

Just dropping by some diaries as I don't visit the forum as much as I once did. 

Hope all is well with you. I hope the counselling is going well. I did notice you saying you didn't want to be too emotional for your first counselling session but surely that is what they are for? You don't always have to be the coper, you can let yourself be vulnerable.

Take care,

f x

A beautiful morning in Hull which has reminded me of Murlo, our dear delightful duchess of the diaries.

I had just been counting the little patterns of cumulus and nimbo cumulus cloud up in the sky and when I got to three hundred and forty four, I realised it was the number of days our heroine is away from her last episode of foolishness. Congratulations on your superb performance.

The sun is coming out at intervals and all the world looks fantastic. This reminded me of how the presence of Murlo spreads love and harmony throughout her world.

It pleases me to see that the citizens of Hull rallying together during these difficult times and that makes me think of the compassion, strength and resilience shown by Murlo. A gamcare warrioress of the highest calibre who is greatly loved and respected by all her gamcare friends.

So now I am going to play the following song on Spotify as a tribute to the gamcare legend we know as Murlo: ".Once Twice Three Times A Lady." A lovely little song by the Commodores.

Aum   Aum   Aum   x  x  x 

?   Quack  ?   Quack   ?  Quack

One year gamble free

Well diary, I have made it to my first year anniversary gamble free. I always thought that today would feel like a big moment but it actually doesn't. I am not unhappy about that, I guess in the context of everything else it's not as important as it might have been.

What a year it has been. A bit of an emotional rollercoaster but I am actually grateful that I have been able to experience the emotions and be present for some very significant moments.

I have had the privilege of caring for my dear friend at the end of her life and all of the emotional turmoil that entails. I have also had the privilege of making new friendships, one very special one in particular (I should hope you know it's you Drama). I wouldn't be where I am without you mate. You brighten my days ☺️.

I returned to work after a long absence and as tough as it has been due to the current situation, I have thrived and got a new and exciting job ☺️. 

For the most part I have taken care of myself. Not always but at least I know what taking care of myself looks like nowadays.

I am not well at the mo so it's a quiet celebration of my one year GF but that's absolutely fine with me. 

I just want to say thank you to Gamcare and to all of the wonderful people I have had the pleasure to come across over the year xx

Murlo