I am what I am

Evening diary. Day 99 nearly done. 

Just home from a very long day at work. One bonus is that I got to see the wonderful moon on both legs of my journey. I am absolutely knackered, hoping to get to sleep quickly ready to do it all again tomorrow. Even though I am a lark rather than an owl, I was pretty horrified when I looked at my work diary for this week, very early starts all week. 

I was feeling tired on the drive home and just took a moment to wonder how I ever managed to pitch up at work and do a half decent job when I had been gambling all night every night. Doesn’t bear thinking about really. Now I am tired because I am putting effort into my work. It’s more emotional effort than physical effort in my job tbh.

I have kind of felt the same tiredness in my recovery journey over the last few days too. Almost as though it has taken a huge effort. Maybe that is connected to the fact that I feel knackered generally.  Just like my job though, I know that every bit of effort I put in to recovery is worth it and seriously rewarding. 

I reach a milestone tomorrow. It has preoccupied me a bit but Mark’s gentle reminder to just take things one day at a time has really helped me yesterday and today. 

Sleep well folks x

Murlo you are nearing the century and I am very proud of you and will certainly be joining in the celebrations together with all your other gamcare friends.

I do not want to state the obvious but reaching targets does have its dangers, so always be on your guard. 

Take care good lady and enjoy a good nights sleep.

Respect from your friend

Stephen x 

You are amazing! 100 days gamble free one day at a time. You are an inspiration to us all. Keep on keeping on. One foot in front of the other. Its brilliant to watch mate. 

Love you Murlo. 

From Sherrie. 

Xoxoxoxo

Hi murlo , just wanted to say well done on 100 days , it’s not a easy road to walk down,  you was one of the first to reach out to me and guide me down this path am I’m so greatfull to have you all to walk with,  so proud of you all so Thankyou for taking me under your wing ?

Good morning day 100 ?

Thank you so much Drama, Mark and Vinnie. It was so lovely to wake up to your posts this morning  

Just a quick pop in to my diary on my way to work to say a huge thank you to GamCare and all of the wonderful recovery buddies I have met along the way. You are truly amazing and inspirational. This milestone is a team achievement, I know that because I have have tried and failed to go it alone before (plenty of times!). This is still only the beginning of my journey but I would say it’s a bloody good start!

Thank you all, I wouldn’t be here without you.

#teamGamCare ?

One big 100.... Well done you.. I always knew you would do it... 

Seems strange. I came onto this forum. 2nd time around being an absolute flop few years back. No determination. And the format  on here seemed  different back then. I began again Few days before you and looking back it seems like we two were on the same train arriving at same platform destination gamcare. 

You know how you have stolen my heart over these months along with everyone else. You have the natural gift of making every individual feel that they have something special about them and giving them worth. 

Who knows where this journey takes us. It's opening up all our worlds... Someday soon I would love  to share time or conversation In whatever format outside the world of gamcare.. Its all about timing.. But it will be a milestone to be set and knowing when that time is right. . My self worth just needs a little more belief in itself but we also must do what is wisest for all our recoveries too. 

Have a lovely 100 day.. Sit smiling secretly to yourself at work.. And have everyone guessing at why you are so happy today.. They won't have a clue.. And  sometimes thats the fun part in it for me 

So big Cheshire cat grin and away you go ???

Love boo ???

The good ship Murlo Princess is tied up by the quay

Commanded by Captain Murlo who is 100 days gamble free

This daring soul will voyage on and navigate with care

A proud and honourable lady with the wind blowing through her hair

Congratulations Murlo on your excellent progress

Love & Hugs from Stephen x 

Hi murlo a huge congrats on the hundred days xxxx at the start of the hundred days I saw the thread, I was at a low point with regards to being firmly back on the gambling since may.  I saw the positivity in the group already and thought I can't miss out on this! It brought me thru the hardest month of the year gamble free.  You've been a bit part of that murlo so thank you.  Let's set targets of a month at a time like the day at a time approach,? C u in chat

Murlo

a massive well done for reaching day 100, I hope your achievement is being recognised by all whom you speak with today(that know of course!) I am very proud of you and you should be of yourself!

For me personally you were extremely welcoming upon my joining the community and made me feel at ease, I shall be forever grateful for that.

Truth be told I wanted to write you a poem to mark today, but have been a little short of inspiration, hopefully I will have something worked out by the time chat starts.

Today is your day murlo, here’s to the next 100!

Kram

X

Congratulations on a fantastic achievement.

Best x

M is for mother figure, what you are to us

     all

U is for understanding, not judging and

    accepting our fall

R is for recovery, another chance

L is for love, which you have in abundance

O is for open mindedness, not once have I

    ever felt judged by you, just welcome.

murlo, you serve as an inspiration to many, and if I can be half as inspirational as you have been then I will have achieved.

I sincerely thank you for all you have done for me so far and all you will no doubt do for me in the future.

I am sorry that this isn’t the poem as intended, but my inspiration is extremely limited this evening.

Kram

X

Kram, 

it is really beautiful, thank you...brought a tear to my eye which is a bit embarrassing as I am on a packed train ?. Thank you my friend x

Dear Diary. My 100th day.

The day after my last bet I reached out to the Samaritans and GamCare.  They literally saved my life. I vividly remember the chat I had with Keely on Netline. It was her calm, non judgemental and utterly compassionate approach that gave me hope. I will be forever grateful. I am very happy to be alive and for the support I have always had when I have felt the need to reach out to an advisor for help. 

I woke up this morning feeling fairly well rested. I was up and out of the house early for work so it was no faff mode for a change. On the way to work I picked up the lovely messages posted on my diary whilst I was sleeping peacefully. What an amazing stat to the day that gave me. New messages have been popping up throughout the day which I have to say has made today one of the loveliest I have had in a long time.

I have also really enjoyed work.  I have been surrounded by people who just make you smile and feel good about the world, you know the type I mean. It has also been a day where I have done lots of different things. I love those sort of days.

I got the chance to join chat at lunchtime and I am so pleased I could. It is such an important part of my recovery and a place where I feel I can truly relax with wonderful recovery buddies.

I am now on my way home from work, feeling really very relaxed and happy and listening to my favourite tunes. Life is very good today. Looking forward to being home with my hubby x

Hello Murlo, 

Your very first post on original diary grabbed my attention.

It spoke volumes that you got it from an early stage and that contrary to a lot of what I read on here that it’s not about  money, it’s about rediscovering yourself and claiming back your life.

Im rarely someone who gets on the day count band wagon club ( my bad ) but you’ve done extremely well, especially with the curve balls thrown your way in this relative short time. Abstinence is cool, rediscovery is cooler.

All the best

The Revenant,

Thank you so much for visiting my diary. Your always speak very wise words. I really like the term rediscovery. That is exactly what it is. More than abstinence, more than recovery. Thank you x