Hi everyone, this isn’t my first time posting here and isn’t my first diary i guess i should really go and look for the old one to continue on from, but figure a fresh start is probably warranted at this point
Ive had a problem with gambling for a long long time now i would say upwards of 8 maybe 9 years mines a familiar story starting in the arcades teaching myself to lose the basic value of money and then progressing onto the bookies / casino where of course all the serious financial damage gets done
I wouldn’t like to say what gambling has done to me physiologically ive suffered extreme bouts of anxiety ,depression and exhaustion because of it, ive lost friends and even family members because of it and potentially will have lost some of the most exciting years of my life because of it
I have been fortunate in my gambling career to have been able to take a few “sabbatical’s” over the years allowing me to at least appreciate a few of the basic pleasures in life for a few months at a time , unfortunately these have never lasted more than 6 months and i always end up crashing harder than before
I quit for a while last year, but true to form i relapsed around October 2014 and it’s taken me until now to “snap out of it”
As a gambler you always read stories of the potential horrors it can cause but you always think “ nah that surely won’t happen to me” il get a winning streak soon and clear all my debts , buy myself a new car / house and live happily ever after
Oh what a lie this is, that winning streak never comes and that big win never arrives trust me i am what you would call a “high stakes” gambler and i have never won more than few measly hundred quid and i have tried EVERYTHING you could imagine
Over the years I’ve always been aware that i could go further and further down the rabbit hole with my addiction but because of the vast amount of credit i had available to me at such a young age i always believed i had that “cushion” to keep me from falling any deeper
Well this month I’ve finally worn that cushion out i am finished ......i quite literally don’t have two pennies left to rub together ,i have 11 thousand pounds worth of debt and am about to enter into an IVA ( quite an interesting scheme considering my credit rating is virtually done for anyway )
It’s going to take me 5 years to clear this debt through my IVA and a further year before i would even be able to look to get any kind of credit again
I will be just under 30 by the time I’ve completed the IVA during this period im going to have to save for anything i want as simply “chucking it on the credit card” isn’t going to be a option
I’m quite literally at last chance saloon now the life of the gambler is lonely , shameful , embarrassing and depressing I’ve explored every avenue of it
My friends & peers are progressing with their lives, getting mortgages or nice cars progressing with their careers and enjoying themselves, i am stuck throwing hundreds of pounds on a blackjack table as though i am a millionaire clearing my accounts out and then driving home in a 15 year old car which is running on fresh air
Enough is enough time to wake up from this nightmare drug I’ve been on for the last decade, enough time has been wasted
Time to get back on track
Day 1
Good on you for getting your b**t back here. I wish you a healthy recovery.
Stay strong
Indeed dez
Speaking of b**t’s I’m well overdue a kick up mine lol
Really wouldn’t mind putting a tenner on juventus to beat real Madrid in the champion’s league tonight but can’t fall at this early hurdle
Going to have to enjoy the game without a bet
DAY 2
Wish I could tell you you've reached the bottom
Hope you have but i for me there is no bottom except when i'm 6 foot under and not breathing which you clearly are
Keep it up nipped
There are people in much worse positions than yourself, you have a plan on how to pay off the debts. Put the money issues aside for now, treat the addiction and through time your financial situation will gradually improve. Also, it may be worthwhile not comparing yourself to others of your age. So it takes you a little longer to move into your own place? So what? At least when that time comes along you will have left a destructive illness behind you, and can enjoy the remainder of your life.
I was in your position, same age. I thought I could gamble my way out of it. I'm now approaching 30 and I'm in the exact same position. If I had stopped at your age, I would have everything I ever wanted in life, in terms of a house/nice car/holidays etc. Stop now, and you will prosper. Return to it, and you will be in the exact same position as you are now, constantly moving the goalposts back a few years.
I feel bad giving out advice on here, I feel I am being hypocritical. But I wish I could go back five years and force this advice on my former self. I would be free from this, and a much changed, happier person.
All the best.
well the weekend is almost over and the first of few big tests
the penultimate weekend of premier league football and yesterday i really really wanted to put some bets down, fortunatley i resisted the urge
however i sent my freind the bet i was going to put down and the teams i was going to slect it was a fourfold it paid just over 130/1
the games kicked off and as per usual all reults looked set to come in and i was gutted until everton scored a 93rd minitue goal that broke the bet
i felt so relieved i hadnt put the bet on it was unbeliveable
aside from that have had a nice quite weekend so onwards and upwards but its going to be a long 10 days until payday !!
DAY 6
Hi nipped
Congratulations on recognising you have a problem and coming back.
You don't say what measures you've taken, if any, to stop yourself from gambling, and to work on your addiction.
You can self-exclude from the bookies and casino, and get someone close to you to look after your finances so you don't have access to money to gamble with.
Counselling can be very helpful. As the Mask says, where do you want to be at the end of that five years and where would you likely be if you go back to gambling? That's one of the many questions that a counsellor would encourage you to examine. They would help you explore your personal triggers, be it upoming matches or a route that takes you past a bookies, and work with you to come up with your own strategies for avoiding these.
Many people on this forum find Gamblers Anonymous to be a powerful part of their recovery strategy too. Weekly check ins with other recovering gamblers, and the process of working through the 12 steps to recovery, can provide struture and accountability during your journey.
If you'd like information on any of these options, give us a call on the HelpLine, 0808 8020 133, or chat to us on the NetLine. We're here 8am to midnight every day.
All the best with your recovery, and keep posting,
Best wishes
Deirdre
Forum Admin.
Thanks for everyone’s input , i appreciate what everyone’s saying about stopping now and having enough time to right my wrongs
Unfortunately i said a similar thing around 4 years ago telling myself that i didn’t want to be in this position in a couple of years as i am ruining some of the best years of my life
The reality is that i didn’t listen , i carried on gambling thinking the next win would change everything it never did and things have just gotten worse and worse .....i guess some people gamble they’re entire life’s looking for that win but im ready to accept that its never going to come
My life because of gambling has become a complete shambles i can go from having hundreds of pounds in my pocket thinking im untouchable, too scrapping pennies together to try and find the train fare to work
The strain has become too much now im ready for a normal life and im ready to respect money again
I have a lot of repair work to do but im hoping by the time i reach the age of 30 i will have my life on the right track if i don’t i dread to think of the damage i would have done and the consequences because of it
Day 7
Well its nearly the end of the second week of yet another attempt to beat this thing
Today i am struggling big time , the bank holiday is looming i don’t get paid for another 5 days and I’ve got every man and his dog asking me to do stuff with them this weekend
Bank holidays for most are the best times of the year for me they have become living nightmares....
How do you tell people you can’t do anything with them because you have literally gambled every single penny at your disposal away
I have £25 left for 5 days , JUST about enough for some food and fuel
All that’s been going through my head this morning is thoughts of “gamble and perhaps you can turn it in to £100 ”
I know in reality that my measly 25 quid will last me all of 2 minutes in a bookies but the fantasy voice in my head is very convincing
Its going to be a very rough weekend for me .....hoping to come out a winner though and have promised to treat myself on payday
DAY 11
Keep strong and focused, and if you want my honest opinion I would tell every men and his dog you have a problem, they will help you and understand, this in turn will stop the pressure you feel. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, break your habit then break the addiction. Good luck
Thats the long weekend over and done with
Had A very chilled & relaxing one ( not that i had much choice either way) , eaten a lot of junk , watched a lot of movies and went on a lot of walks when the weather was nice
Not many thoughts about gambling, Sunday was the final day of the premier league and a friend asked me if i wanted in on his little sweepstake i probably should have refused but it was only £1.50 so i handed it over
Other than that ive not had any money to even think about gambling , to be honest ive been struggling to even find enough for meals and petrol the last few days
A fully grown man in full time employment having to cobble together pennies together to buy a sandwhich and a packet of crisps – how embarrassing!!!!!!
I think it’s fair to say i have more than fallen out of love with gambling this time around......... gambling can provide some almighty financial highs when it wants too but my god the lows are crippling on so many different levels i think its the only drug comparable with heroin
I physically and mentally can’t live like this anymore, i know this deep down and I’m hoping its going to be enough to spurn me through the hard times
Anyway a bit of good news , its finally payday tmorrow and although i owe an absolute s**t load out i am going to have a bit spare to treat myself and I’m going to bloody well make sure i do
Can’t remember the last time i bought new clothes so that’s the first thing on my list
a short week for me with a day off on Friday so things are looking positive
DAY 15
Well its then end of the working week for myself
Got a nice day off planned tomorrow ( no gambling of course)
Payday has been and gone and I’ve probably taken the “treat yourself” idea a little too far and bought a few too many thing but the hell with it first time I’ve felt satisfied with myself in a long time
Managed to speak to my IVA supervisor earlier and he gave me a nice reassurance as too not worry about my ever mounting debt
Actually had quite a productive week phone contract is up for renewal and although i had no choice other than to stay with them because of my credit rating i managed to negotiate a very generous plan and a shiny a new phone
Also given the gym a really good go this week so things are looking positive
Anyway doubt il be around much over the weekend quite fancy a beer or 10
Good luck with you demons
DAY 17
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