i want to be free

enjoy your holiday laura

great how life improves when not gambling

tri

well i had a lovely week away, until i came back and realised how s**t reality is.

i have gambled since i came back, not a massive amount i put the block back on my computer before i got to carried away.

im not sure i even care though, it didnt interest me i just wanted to fill my head with something,

i have read books all night long for the rest of the time anything just to occupy my mind. reading stories that always have happy endings, what rubbish, there is no fairytale ending in life, its just c**P. am now alone all weekend, i have blocked everything so i cant gamble, im not interested in that right now anyway, i dont normally drink but im now going to get completely trashed for the next few days.

hope ya all have a positive weekend

Hi Laura. I totally agree life is full of cr**, I know because I have recurrent ovarian cancer and became addicted to gambling as a way to try and forget. If Im honest with me it wasn't about the money, winning money, it was about being in a place where I didnt have to think about dying and wen I won it was something good in my life. I realise now that I can get a bigger thrill from wen my grandsons look at me and say Nana I love you. So I abstain from the mindless slots. i think anyone who says they have tried before to stop and didnt relapse is probably telling porkies. So put that bottle away and do wat a wise person told me to do in a diary post, (laurak) write a list of things to do today and stay away from the gambling x you can win by saying no xx

Hi Laura

Addiction thrives on negatives

Ok you have slipped,this a a journey of recovery

Pick yourself up dust yourself off and keep going

You have learnt from this so make that a big positive

To carry on carrying on, life can be S***e at times but why would we want to add to it by gambling

Well done for being honest and be kind to yourself because you are in recovery

Stay strong and take care

Suzanne xx

Laura.... you're feeling bad I know! Right now you're in that self-loathing stage.....don't beat urself up about this. REMEMBER ITS A FIGHT! You will keep fighting and you'll get there. Be patient. Love yourself a bit more. Keep posting and reading. Take care. Helen. Xx

thanks you all, you all nice people

i happy noew i been drinkining all weekend it soo much better, i dont belong heree with all you nice people i not gamble i not care about that aor anything anymore

you all desrvee positive words but i dont have any i dont sorry

i not gonnnna gamble its not ggood but im happy now

i don care aout anything i not feel anyting its all good

Hi Laura, how are you doing?? I'm back on here after some destrudtive days gambling and starting again today day 1 (yet again). I want to beat this addiction so badly but find I have very little will power. Come on we can do it together, pick yourself up and we'll try again it's a rollercoaster with lots of ups and downs but lets try to beat it once and for all, take care Jaz x

C'mon LAURA....where are you? Keep reading and KEEP POSTING!! Pick yourself up and start again ....never give up giving up!! Helen. X

Thank you both of you for being so positive, good luck to you both in beating this addiction x

i havnt gambled, i have no intention of gambling right now, i don't know how long i have abstained for as i have kinda lost track of time.

I'm not in a good place right now but i do understand that gambling will only make things worse. I am finding other ways to deal with stuff that doesn't involve gambling.

Hi laura. Ty for posting on my diary and your kind words. I hope yr feeling better, keeping posting and stay strong. sending u a virtual hug xx

Hi Laura

Gambling will definitely make things worse

Stay strong and positive and keep going

Suzanne xx

Ty Suzanne x

i havnt gambled and I can guarantee that I am not going to today either!

feel like i have the flu and not helped by having wisdom tooth out yesterday. The only thing i want to do is sleep!

best wishes and positive thoughts to you all x

Well have made it this far through the month and i still have money in my account, i am proud of the fact that although on a tight budget i have not blown my wages.

have started back at college as well so i think this is another incentive to beat gambling.

i have had a few urges but have resisted and that felt soooooo good.

fingers crossed for another gamble free week X

Hi Laura

Thanks for posting on my diary and I so pleased to see you in in a much better mindset

You are coming across positive and stronger

Well done to you

Keep going one day at a time

Suzanne xx

Well i havnt posted in a while, i had a few 10 bets but then immediately self excluded from the sites, i don't know why i played but i didn't get the buzz that i used to. I also searched for any other sites i may have joined and self excluded from those to just in case.

i don't know if this is progress or not but gambling is no longer a constant thought in my mind. I probably should not have spent the few quid i did but a few months ago i couldn't off stopped there, i would have blown all my wages and then some. I am pleased i was wise enough to exclude any way in case i did weaken.

i am trying really hard to improve my life in other ways, its like I'm looking for something i just don't know what oh hell i don't know what i mean.

I'm breaking free of gambling I'm just stuck with lots of other stuff, so I'm still wanting to be free.