I was a very scared inept inadequate insecure lonely person filled with unhealed pains and huge fears that stopped me from being sincere honest and productive with my life.

Hi

Time and time again I did the same unhealthy actions of being consumed by my gambling.

Just before I walked into the recovery program if a person had given me money I do not think I would have walked in to that room.

Once in recovery I questioned what were my feelings and emotions after having wasted so much time and given my hard money to complete strangers while I and my family went without.

Going home in the early hours of the morning I was filled with some very deep seated pains.

I was filled with some very deep seated fears.

I was asked to humble myself.

I use to think that humbling your self was a form of self abuse.

Now I understand that humbling myself to being an equal to all people in the recovery program was not about belittling my self or making me feel worse humbling myself was help me be a vulnerable person like many in the recovery program.

It took time to reduce and face my fears.

It took time to heal my pains.

The recovery program is about demonstrating being nurturing and encouraging to people who are more vulnerable than I was.

It was not easy giving up unhealthy habits, giving up smoking, giving up getting drunk, giving up drinking tea and coffee, giving up procrastinating, giving up being angry and stressed out, giving up feeling shame guilt and regret about how unhealthy I use to be.

The recovery program is understanding out unhealthy reactions and to live our life with out fear any more.

Healing Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham