I will be there for my wife and daughter

Whenever I check my account I still can't quite believe I've been gamble free for so long. Day 581 for me. I could gamble today and be back on day 1 tomorrow but how gutted and destroyed would I be. I don't want to have another day 1 ever again. My big target is 1000 days. My first aim is 600, then see out 2017 and then look to April when I'll be 2 years bet free. Then it's just a big push to complete 2018 which will see me have a second Calendar year bet free and reach my 1000 day target. I have it In me to do it, I just have to stay strong and make the right choices.

Day 602 and feeling good. My wife is getting better and I'm done with gambling I really think this could be it for me but no complacency.

I'm also trying to fix other areas of my life which I now realise I have a few issues, depression I've always known I've had to varying degrees but also I realise how anxious I can be and a few other things I can hopefully adjust in my phsyci.

So moving forward with my life in many ways. Trying to grow, long way to go on this road but walking in the right direction.

Day 628. I can't believe I'm at this point and I'm 10 days away from a calender year bet free. Just had to write it down to make it seem more real. Very happy to have got this far and more goals to come - 2nd April = 2 years gamble free and then it's all about completing 2018 to complete a second calender year gamble free and also get to 1000 days which I would hit sometime Dec 2018. That drives me on and I'm not gonna stop.

Day 637. Happy new year (slightly early) to gamcare and all its users. I am about to have my first calendar year gamble free since I started gambling. Plus I am registered to the 2017 challenge and I will be completing that and in the 52 weeks I've probably only missed 3-4 check ins. But the biggest part of that to me is that I've been on here for 7 years and I've always thought that completing that challenge is a real mark of stepping away from gambling and really kicking the addiction, I realise now it's just the start but still it's a massive challenge and one I'm proud to complete.

Still I am an addict and that hasn't and probably will never change, it just gets easier to say no. So I must continue to stay focused and strong. One way I will do this is to set some more goals, so my 2018 goals are....

1. Get to 2nd April and become 2 years gamble free.

2. Get to 1000 days, I'm part of the treble figure club, a club I've been part of and lost membership for a few times but to get to 1000 days and to enter the 4 figure club now that's an elite group.

3. Finally I'd like to end 2018 gamble free and complete my second full calender year gamble free.

When I first thought of my big goal of 1000 days it was very early days and slightly dream world, no chance I could get there but now I see it as just a matter of time. I don't want to bet again, I put stops in place, I know my triggers and know how to deal with urges. I'm still an addict so I still may bet tomorrow or the next day or on June 15th who knows but I know I don't want to spend any more time or money gambling. I'm confident I have the ability to stay gamble free.

Welcome 2018 I hope it's a good one but I will make it a gamble free one.

Woop woop! 2017 gamble free, I did it. 638 days gamble free so far. Bring on 2018 - I WILL NOT GAMBLE

Well done, that is a remarkable achievement, I have not really picked up on your diary before because I am much more recent member to the forum but just scanned through it and your determination to just say no to gambling over the last couple of years is inspirational. I am trying to keep a similar mindset of deciding gambling is just not an acceptable part of my life.

Again, well done, and here is to a GF 2018.

Hey Dave just wanted to drop by and say how fantastic you are doing 🙂 you should be super proud of yourself and i hope in time i can get back to where i'm supposed to be and follow your example .

Take care Sunshine xx

I just hit 700 days, I had no idea I've been struggling of late lots of urges, reading the racing post looking at oddschecker, even writing paper only bets, created a real detailed excel spreadsheet - what a time waste of an exercise that was, what else could I have done with that time. I think I'm struggling as I need an escape, lie is getting me down, work is stressful, looking after my daughter is draining and things with my wife are as bad as they have ever been. I have next to no social life. I just feel down and ready to run away like I have in the past, gambling used to be my escape from the real world.

I know that by gambling I escape for a short while then the problems are still there and I've added to them with my gambling, financially and emotionally. I don't want my daughter knowing daddy the gambler. I don't want her to miss out on things because oh daddy is on a bad run right now.

I'm getting complacent, I'm getting depressed and I can see it all going the down the toilet and me ruining my life as I seem to try to do when thing get tough.

I'm glad I have this outlet and it feels good (well good might be a stretch considering what I'm typing) to let it out. I need to use this site more. I'm going to try to post on this diary a couple of times a week and still check in on the 2 challenges I'm a part of. Sometimes the posts maybe small but I hope I can muster up a meaningful post once a week. I know it will help and help is what I need. I'm reality I have a good life, why do I want to destroy it. What do I want out of life, I don't know if I know, I think I've got a lot of thinking to do but sometimes the answers scare me more than the questions.

Right I need to sign off, the one amazing thing in my life my daughter is playing beside me as I type this message, so it's time to get on the floor have a play and see my beautiful girls smile. My little princess.

Thank you gamcare I hope you can help me through it all.

Dear Neveragain,

sorry to read that you find life challenging at the moment. It sounds like you have been refelecting on what has been going on and what is triggering the urges and this knowledge is invaluable. At times like these we all benefit from a little extra support, so please feel free to call our Helpline or the Netline to speak to an advisor one-to-one or even to arrange some counselling sessions.

700 days gambling free is an enormous achievement and it sounds like you continue to be willing to put the work in to your recovery despite the fact that life is challenging at the moment.

Keep up the good work, keep posting and don't be afraid to reach out for extra support if you need to.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you gamcare for your post I had read it when it was posted but wasn't in the right mindset to reply. I have had gamcare counselling previous and it did help so thank you for that.

I am thankfully feeling better now I have had chats with my wife about the situation and with my brother. Both have helped me see sense and see a future and put me back on the right track. I have learnt a lot about myself through fighting the addiction but I haven't learnt everything and I also need to make sure what was learnt is put into practice.

I feel more positive now and I feel I can move forward. I think me and my wife will be ok, I certainly hope so and we are trying to make things work.

As far as gamcare and my recovery journey, I've decided to mix things up a little but take what I've learnt and what works. What I plan to do is set a new target which is 1095, which I will count down from, that's 1095 days aka 3 years aka the likely day I will be debt free (possibly a credit card and an overdraft still going for general use but all gambling debt gone). This should re focus my attentions. I have printed off some calendar sheets which I will cross off each day and I will have some goals and treats along the way to keep me strong and motivated.

I will also be removing myself from the challenge threads, I just feel I need to concentrate on me and stick with my new goals for now.

Thanks again to the gamcare admin team that was appreciated.

So day 714. 1095 to go.