I will never win because I cannot stop

Hi huskydawg

I once got into bed after playing the FOBT machines from 2.45pm (straight from work) until getting kicked out at 10pm, I laid in bed and watched them roulette programmes on TV, placed a few bets....I then literally dreamt about the machine all night, those spins that you know where the ball will land, them perfect ones just waiting to confirm and those wasted ones just wanting to get on with the next spin.......I woke up and genuinely could not seperate that dream from reality......I had to check my wallet and bank balance to confirm my financial situation. That very day, it not providing one lesson, I gambled my holiday money (I was going with my now wife 24 hours later).....all £1000 of it......I drove to the middle of nowhere and cried my eyes out.....I cried because I had lost, I wanted to stop losing, not to stop gambling. That was a lesson, it took me years to seperate the two, wanting to stop, and wanting to stop losing.

i lost tens of thousands after that, but that period is something I hold dear to my heart, I keep it at the forefront every time I want to gamble.....if we gamble £1 and win £1000 we then have £1000 to get through until we ultimately lose that £1.....then want that imaginary £1000 back. We cannot win because we cannot stop.

I know EXACTLY how you feel, the hurt, the anger, the worry......bottle it up and use it as good, you can get on top of this, I am 4 months clean, I am taking my little boy on holiday with my wife in two weeks and I have to battle urges every week or so, but I battle them. You can do the same.....the money has gone, the debt will go, however long it takes, every day you stop you win, fact.

i wish you every luck!!!

Huskydawg I feel exactly the same feelings right now. I have read so many posts on this site and have posted myself and yet I am drawn to the roulette wheel no matter how hard I try to stop. I managed 12 days gamble free and then last night I logged on to a new online casino and started playing roulette, even though I knew I wouldn't "win" because once I start I cannot stop. Watching the wheel spin round, I felt sick to my stomach but I still carried on hoping for a lucky streak. That didn't happen of course.

I have woken up this morning with that horrible familiar feeling of regret, shame and panic(panic over my ever growing debts).

Why do we do this? 🙁

Good luck and I hope you find the strength to stop.

Hi Huskydawg.

So sorry to hear you're struggling. It's great thjat you keep getting back on the wagon and don't give up. Did you give any thought to counselling or Gamblers Anonymous? Here's a reminder of the links where you can find out more: Counselling: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/face-face-counselling/...
Gamblers Anonymous http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/index.php/ga-meetings/find-a-ga-meeting .

And you would be very welcome to call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 to talk it all through. We're here 8am to midnight every day.

And BowWow - sorry you too are struggling. Hope your counselling assessment went well though and hope you feel you can bring your lapse to counselling and hopefully learn from it.

Best wishes

Deirdre

Forum Admin

Pompeyguy31 and Bowwow thanks for taking the time to post. I have definitely lost my way with roulette. Each time I hit spin I feel myself sinking even deeper into the abyss. I feel selfish and pathetic as I have so much to be thankful for. I have 3 beautiful and healthy boys, a secure job and a I'm healthy physically (although mentally sometimes I have my doubts). Why do I do this? Even after losing thousands on these things I still succumb to temptation. I know I have a problem with then and I want to stop. It's just putting what I know into regular practice and staying clean. I'm mentally torturing myself every time I play these things and the 'morning afters' are almost unbearable. I need a fresh start. It's Father's Day today and I need to step up to the mark for my boys. Would I want them to be affected by gambling or worse have a gambling problem in later life? The answer is no.

Happy Father's Day 🙂

Take each minute, hour, day at a time, that's all you can do. Do it for your 3 lovely boys. As you said above, would you want this life for them? No! I feel the same about my daughter. We must try and be strong for them.

Good luck.

Hi
Husky

Pompeyguy is spot on with advice. You have to want to stop gambling, not to stop losing. While i was gambling i didnt give my children a second thought. If i had i wouldnt have spent hour upon hour relentlessly feeding notes into a machine. Of course i loved them but i loved gambling more obviously or i wouldnt have chosen to spend all my time doing that instead of spending it with them. Follow admins advice on seeking out your nearest GA meeting or professional counselling. Get honest about your problem with those around you & put every barrier you can in place.

Dan

There's a lot of good advice on here today. I appreciate the time taken by everyone to post. This has been a typical Sunday full of regret for 2 hours of madness yesterday. It started with £10, then £15, then £75, a £100 deposit, then another £100 then a £200 to finish it off. Umpteen spins up slightly down, majorly down, each spin becoming more desperate with higher stakes. Completely covering the board except for a handful of numbers and each of the uncovered numbers dropping in! I've lost track of the times I've been well up only to lose it and more not being able to stop. Hence the name of this thread, I will never win because I cannot stop. I've been on the roulette roller coaster for far too long. I've lost thousands in the past but more recently I've managed to run up £10,000 in debt. Luckily the majority of it is interest free but it's gonna take 18-24 months to undo the damage of a few crazy roulette spins! I should be on a pigs back but I'm not. I've wasted good parts of the last 20 years gambling but the last few years with roulette have definitely got out of hand. My wagers have got bigger and bigger and my depressive Sunday's have been more stressful. I win plenty but I derail all that by chasing when I lose. I can't start because I know I can't stop. My roulette playing leads me into gambling frenzies where I can lose hundreds in a short space of time. I've handed over my bank cards and credit cards to my partner and closed all existing betting accounts. Without my cards I can't open another account. Extreme measures are required to try and break this cycle. I've never suffered from depression but I reckon gambling has taken me as close as can be to it. The negative emotions I experience in the clod light of day long outweigh the short blasts of win induced euphoria. I'm tired of working long hours and chucking it away on a few roulette spins. I'm tired of rejigging finances to pay bills or money owed to others. I'm tired of my bank statements being full to the brim of betting transactions. It's just embarrassing to see. Ive been here before and I've written this before but my plight has become even more pressing. I need to get a grip of this once and for all. I need to accept my losses, learn from them, ensure they don't happen again and start rebuilding my life. Outside I look like I haven't a care in the world but internally I am rotting away and gambling is the poison. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm done with roulette and I'm done with being a loser.

Mate I'll be honest, I'm no angel, I've been at football and a mate has had to play pool with my boy while I put note after note into a fruit machine, and at the end he rightly had a big pop at me and I knew I had to change.....the words "if you ever feel like doing that again just give me £200 and throughout the day I will pay you £70 back you mug" will always ring in my ears.

please don't beat yourself up too much, I used to say "suck it up, it ain't the first time you have lost that much and I'm sure it won't be the last"....and laught it off with mates....what a fool ay!! I adored the machines, I knew them inside out, who doesn't!!! I lived for the winners and everyone was laughing when I had wads of cash......bug who was helping me out when I walked out with that gut wrenching feeling?? Nobody!!!

use Father's Day as the first day, step up, the hardest thing I ever done, but by far the best, was self exclusion......I felt a complete and utter mug, a waste of space walking in that shop, I'm not going to lie, I felt ashamed filling out the form and putting on my pictures.....but I have never felt better four months later, and every shop after got easier (I then went in to others at 9am when they opened so they were empty and made light of it and a few excuses).......but every door that shut behind me on the way out I felt a pang of victory, I walk past and sometimes I feel pride of what I did, the money and time I have saved, other times, my god I want a spin.....but I can't, and that gives me the time to reflect, and remember why....I didn't want to do this, but I knew I had too.

i told friends....they told me they could of told me that years ago and to change the record, I had the P**s taken out me and even get the odd pat on the back when I walk out to the beer garden when mates jump on the fruity now.

i installed k9 and got a mate to set password,I'm sure I could I still find sites.....but I don't want too, I have enough time to think about my actions.

and when I get really bad, I go on a run or go to the gym, walk, eat, clean the car...clean the neighbours car....do anything!!!

you can do this, trust me!! I'm only four months in, I fight urges a lot, but I fight them I hold all the tools, I went to counselling, I done what I had to do because I am scared if getting that feeling we all get, walking out shop, waking up, going to bed, payday etc etc etc.......you can beat this mate!!!

iPompeyguy a lot of what you say rings true to me. I've had some crazy moments on roulette. I lost £2000 one weekend, £1000 on a couple of occasions. Have regularly pumped £300, £400 and £500 into FOBT's and even managed to put £700 into one of them in under an hour. That's has been in the last 4-6 months! When I look at it on paper I can't believe how reckless I've been. I've blew the equivalent of a family holiday to Florida with spending money. If people including family members knew the true extent of what I've lost they'd be horrified and rightly so. It's crazy after all those losses that I would even contemplate being near one never mind pumping hundreds of pounds back into them! The fact that it will take me up to two years to pay off what I've already lost should have me running a mile from them. But then again I don't run a mile. I stop for a few days or a week but after a while I forget the misery they have caused and I get a few wins. A get a few hundred up and think it's easy. That's when the wheels come off. I lose £10, £20, £30, then blow a couple of hundred chasing. After that I end up massively down again. I'm in a well paid job so my debts arnt insurmountable. Other than a mortgage £10,000 is my total debt although that has almost completely been ran up on credit cards playing roulette. I need to get where you are. 4 months is a brilliant achievement. Well done on that. I know temptation is all around but at least you have given yourself a fighting chance!

One of the biggest hurdles is forgetting what you have lost, writing it off, that is so hard, but has to be done.....one way of looking at it is, what are you hoping to win?? Seriously?? What will be enough to stop you??......because you ain't going to win it mate!! If you have a good day, what do you do with it?? We all know the answer over the month!!

i once put in £9 in a FOBT and won £2150.......people couldn't believe it, they couldn't believe over the next week I gave it all back, and my own hard earned cash, trust me that debt will be trebled in five years if you don't stop, I am quite fortunate as a builder (fortunate is not a good word to use really) that I have been able to use profit on builds to stay relatively debt free....but I have pumped WELL in excess of 50k into those machines from the day they hit the bookmakers, trust me I am not a huge earner, you will find yourself in the same situation if you don't seek help, you will take out more loans, more credit cards etc etc, it only gets worse, I don't want to frighten you but that is the truth, and the deeper you get in, the less you care about the figures the more you care about just gambling, the thing that gets you into this mess you see as the only reasonable way out.....let's be honest, the only way out is one good bet right?? Wrong!!! Trust me I know. I have learnt the hard way

i could write a book, I once pumped my whole holiday money (off toIbiza with my mates) in the bookies AT the airport......my mate had to sub me £700.....that is addiction, it took me ten more years + to get help!!!! I have been in so many situations I am ashamed of!! I'm older and a bit wiser, please don't get yourself in this mess....and you will, it's so easy too!!!

I think it's time to draw a line under everything. Easier said than done I know but I have to get myself into the mindset that the money I've lost is gone and gone forever. The only way I am ever getting it back is through long hours of hard work. There are no shortcuts to my redemption. The only way I can start to rebuild my life is to recoup my losses the honest way, through a bit of graft and toil. I'm not religious in any way but there is a biblical quote in Proverbs 13:11
Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.

I guess that could apply to me. One thing is for certain Pompey I can't keep living with this weight on my shoulders. I need a fresh outlook free from the evils of gambling. Dwelling on past mistakes is only going to lead me astray and I can't afford to do that anymore. My life is a mess at the moment but I still have my family, pay my bills, have a roof over my head and can put food on my table. I don't want it to get to the point where I can't do these things.

Mate I feel for you, I really do, I remember being exactly where you are so clearly, but let me paint it this way.

Right now could and WILL be the MOST debt you will ever be in.....it can only go down if you don't gamble, you will always be time rich, the time you wasted gambling can be spent doing things you put off.....this is daft but something that really helped for me was I "loved" going to the bookies on a Friday after work, my favourite day (early finish) , so I promised my lad, every Friday I would come home and just us two would go and play footy, take a few sweets n a drink etc, that costs NOTHING, but him constantly reminding me and looking forward to it made it a big deal, unavoidable.....and enjoyable.

Learn to fear gambling.....what will you do if you go in and lose?? What if you can't stop at 20,30,50?? If I gamble now, why did I ever try to stop?? Beat yourself up a bit (not literally) and then tell yourself exactly why you stopped, be determined!!

be honest with people, I told my wife today just to keep an eye on the cards, the cash etc, I said I didn't want to talk about it but I'm just struggling a bit as it's ascot week.....you will be surprised that bit of honesty brings understanding and empathy from people.

im not religious either but take heart from proverbs and fables, take heart from anything that inspires, my dear old grandad used to say "you can't wake somebody who pretends to be asleep"....I take a lot from that saying, as I used to pretend to be asleep a lot!!!

Work hard, but take time to enjoy life aswell, us gamblers gambled for a quick fix,so will always look to rid the debt quickly aswell, but if it takes even ten years, so what?? You will be debt free in ten years......if you carried on gambling, where could you be in ten years??

Mate thanks for posting. It's good to hear a success story. Gives me a bit of hope. There are a lot of good tips in what you say and you can tell that you are winning your battles. Tomorrow is a new day. My problems surface down the line on days 14, 15 etc when I forget the feelings of dread. I think I need to post regularly on here to get a bit of focus. I've given all my cards to the other half and I've asked her to dish out money on s weekly basis. Sounds drastic but if it helps me break the cycle then it's a small price to pay. Keep me updated on your journey as it'll inspire me to keep straight.

Definitely, I know it's hard, was the hardest for me but seriously consider self exclusion, as the counsellor and people on here told me.....why wouldn't you do it?? Deep down it was because I didn't want to completely turn my back on it all the other times I tried to quit, I always wanted the option to have a spin, the "I'm not that bad, I can get it under control".....but if you truly never want to gamble again.....why wouldn't you do these things?? I had to dig deep and do them.....Im afraid to say if these exclusions weren't in place I feel I may of gambled again by now, just being honest, as just like you once the scars have healed, the account is looking reasonable and "surely I can't lose three times on the trot" kicks into play, I want to gamble, badly, these urges are gone now, as I CANT gamble (best way to explain the feeling is the kind of "relief" you get when you know you have blown ALL your cash, you CANT gamble, so the urges just vanish)

Giving the cards across is perfect, great step, that gets easier to cope with and just feels normal in time.....it stops arguments, and urges and makes you feel like you have let the missus in a bit, my wife found it hard to just give me "pocket money" but now if I want a extra 20 to go out I have to valet the motor 😉 just joking, but it's a great step.

will keep you updated, and you do the same, day at a time mate, we can beat this!!