I will never win because I cannot stop

I'll be totally, brutally honest with you, you HAVE to exclude if you want to succeed, I'll put it as it is, if you had the recent losses simply COULD NOT of happened and those feelings that came with it, so you simply have too.....there is no other option.....ask yourself this, I had too, why wouldn't you do it??? So so many times I said "I can do this" "I don't need to exclude"....4 weeks later, losses long at the back of my mind, money worries not as bad-BAM-here we go again, repeat, repeat, repeat.....I had counselling through gamcare and the main thing I covered was my excuses...."I'm embarrassed" "I'm busy" "I'm only in there out of boredom" etc, etc....but the constant question to me was "so why are you here? If nothing is going to change what do you expect to change??" The fact of the matter is we must all take responsibility for our choices and actions....If you are going to just ask to be not let in why bother?? If you aren't going to go in again why not exclude?? I'll be honest I had to be pushed on these questions and the truthful answer in my past is I didn't want to be excluded.....I wanted to stop losing!!! I'm not for one second judging or insisting people do things they don't feel comfortable with, I just think we all find the most amazing excuses to gamble, we go to any lengths, you have to put barriers in place, nothing changes if nothing changes. I know from the last 4-5 months of struggling and coming to terms with my deep problems and facing them that I will never bet again, as if I do, I lose, even if I win 5k, I lose, as I'm gambling again from that point, until it has all gone, and some......I hope you take this post as it is intended, I am not for one second getting on a high horse, I just want to offer the advice that finally really worked for me and I genuinely feel so strongly about it, I gambled 2-3 thousand minimum a week on them machines.....I CANNOT do it again, if I could.....I fear I would.

Appreciate the honest post. Self exclusion isn't an issue for me as my nearest bookies is 20 miles away. I have no reason to go there other than to place a bet. My issues were mostly online and I've self excluded on there. I have no inclination to bet and hopefully that will continue.

Day 9 on the wagon. Looking forward to payday on 31st so I can set my monthly budget. To date I've managed to keep focused and I've had no real inclination to bet. I know it won't always be like that for the moment I am going to enjoy being positive.

I've realised through time that my urges to gamble stem from a number of factors. Firstly when I am upset or unsettled in my personal life it acts like an emotional crutch although it inevitably leaves me feeling worse than beforehand and secondly if I am bored or at a loose end. It's pretty clear from my betting history that roulette is my poison. I would never think of gambling more than £20 on sporting events but can lose hundreds in an hour playing the roulette wheel. Experience has told me that I never win. Yes I might be up on occasion but inevitably the lure to play again drains my willpower. I've had good support on here and plenty of sound advice. A lot of it I've taken on board and maybe some of it I should've taken more notice off. I've been on and off the wagon for a long time and ran the gauntlet of emotions that goes with it. It's clear that I'm a lot happier when I'm not gambling and my life is a lot more settled. I've self excluded from sites and bookies so hopefully the road will be a lot less rocky from now on and a lot smoother. I expect pitfalls and bumps along the way but I genuinely want to beat this. I've worked out a few figures to shock myself into a reality check. It would take me approximately 634 hours overtime to payback The debts I've ran up over the last year. If that doesn't shock the system nothing will! I don't want this cycle to continue and want this pay (tomorrow) to last and be spent the way it should be. I want this to be the end. Tomorrow is the start.

Back on Day 1 again. Kept myself busy today doing a bit of manual labour in the garden. It felt very rewarding, quite the opposite of how I feel when I'm in my gambling frenzy! I spent this evening reading some of the forum posts and revisiting what I've written on here. It's clear that I was on a vicious cycle of gambling, recovery and relapse and this cycle has been ongoing since I joined Gamcare. I get so far in my recovery before the gambling demons occur and I end up back to square one. Every time I end up there I struggle to get through the day. I feel full of regret, anger and a fair amount of self loathing. I have a well paid job and each month I derail my months earnings by having a major splurge on roulette. I end up scraping my way through the month and so the cycle continues. I pay my bills etc but I don't really live. I don't gain new experiences or travel because I have generally emptied my finances on an hour or two of watching a wheel go round and round. Why do I do it? Why am I so weak? I've had a lot of good support on here and advice and I do feel a let down each time I slip back into bad habits! I want this time to be different. I really do. My situation is salvageable but only if I beat this now. I'm going to try to religiously post on here to try to get a bit of momentum. I want to get back on an even keel.

Hi Husky, one way to break the vicious circle is to remove the opportunity to gamble. I know that you don't see self exclusion as an issue but neither did I. When I decided to stop gambling I wrote to every bookie I had ever visited and whilst I didn't follow their self exclusion process I put a photo at the top of the letter and politely requested that if I entered their premises then they should politely ask me to leave. Since then I haven't looked back. I have the reassurance of knowing that if I have a weak moment then the failsafe of self exclusion will kick in. Self excluding is not a sign of weakness, it is an insurance against the nasty gambling beast taking us by surprise. I am 60 days in but treat every day a day 1 so I am with you and wish you well for day 2!

How did you fall? You said you were self excluded! You must have left a door open somewhere & where-ever that door is, slam it, slam it shut, now! 24 hours apart, those posts couldn't have been more different! Sounds to me like you're on the wagon when your money has run out (gambling triangle broken) & back off of it again once you get paid! You can want recovery with your heart & soul but determination is a fools way to try & beat this! Never gambling again is a scary scary thought but the alternative option is this vicious cycle of hurt & confusion. Stop kidding yourself you can do this your way, get some strong barriers in place & rise to the challenge of kicking addiction in the nuts (ooo, you know that hurts)! They would have protected you when your resolve weakened today!

You can do this, the minute you accept that you are kissing addiction goodbye & regaining your life! Time to start fighting - ODAAT

Great post ODAAT. Haven't gambled all my wages but want to make sure I don't.

Thanks SBISSTOPPING.

Hopefully August can be bet free!

Scratch that August WILL be bet free!

Sorry Huskydawg but I stand but what I said before - you need to enlist professional help my friend. I genuiely respect your efforts to stop but words are just words, you gamble, win for a while, lose then start with all the day 1 stuff, endorphins etc etc then gamble again. The only person you are fooling with the fancy words and promises is yourself!

Please just call GC, find out what help is available locally and grab that help with both hands.

There's not much more I or anyone else can say as you agree with all the suggestions then do your own thing. If it sounds harsh it's supposed to - if you don't get help I have absolutely no doubt you won't stop. Please get professional help - and please don't say you will prove us wrong as we have been there and you do the opposite.

Make today the day you have a proper day 1 when you get some professional help.

Dave

You ask why do i keep doing it? Why am i so weak? That you want this time to different! Yet you continue to do nothing different besides wish your problem away & put your faith in the thing that has failed you everytime.
Willpower alone will not fix this for you. Instead of talking a good game straight after all your funds have gone & then punting again the minute you have money again, why not actually be proactive & do something to help yourself.
Get yourself to GA, find a good counsellor, put real barriers in. Your methods of stopping cannot & will not work for you. How much more evidence of this do you need?
Or you could continue to indulge your misery as addiction will always willingly oblige you with that. Your choice. Hope you can find it in you to begin to make some good ones.

I respect the cold hard truths of the last two posts but I will beat this. I expect criticism at my posts but I believe that I can. I'm just going to concentrate now on reaching my goal. My methods won't appeal to everyone and I understand why but I have to deal with this in my own way.

I am of the opinion that we can delude ourselves in attempting to stop in the same way we delude ourselves while gambling.