I had a crazy nights sleep last night as most of my stress manifests itself as sleep talking or walking. Dreamt that I was dying of a heart attack although me dreaming of dying is nothing new, last nights dreams were particularly vivid. Just shows the levels of stress I have pent up. Today is a new day and I am determined to break this cycle once and for all. It's 9 weeks to my holidays so a bit of sober living and abstinence is called for. I need to reclaim my life back and today's a good as any day to start. If I take that dream positively it could signal the death of the old me (that's how I'm going to interpret it anyway) and the end of gambling in my life. I guess we all look for small chinks of light when we are in dark places. Better to be positive than negative!
Definitely.....I hope today got better for you?? I don't know much on dreams etc (except when I wake up Cheryl cole has gone) but I do know it is a overworking and imanigitive brain, trapped thoughts.....I'm not surprised they are the kind of dreams you are having, it's frightening times.
i would use that as a motivator, mate surely there is no point in all this ay?? The waking up in the night terrified, those horrible dreams, that's in your own bed!! Let alone the gut wrenching feelings of defeat, disappointment and money worries......not nice when it's written down ay?? I remember and fear every one of them.
I hope your day got better.....I know the finances can't be sorted overnight, but once you have a steady plan in place, and get in control of this addiction, and you will, you will sleep better, simply because you will feel a million times better about yourself!!
keep on marching mate!!
Thanks Pompeyguy
Day 3 and another new day. I'm still all over the place mentally and physically but I know I'm on the right path and as they say 'this too shall pass!' I know I feel this way because of my compulsion to gamble therefore it's an easy decision to make. I just have to push through this period of melancholy which I suppose is like coming off a drug. Time to start training again to get the endorphin rush from something more positive. After payday next week I will have approx £8500 in debt to chip at. Fortunately I can get stuck into repaying it and hopefully have the back broke of it in 12-18 months. I know I will feel better once I have dented what I owe. Just have to stay positive!
I had a look at my online banking and it disgusted me the amount of betting transactions that are on there. I noted that on 1st June I lost £1000 playing online and on the 20th June I lost £500 online (both times playing roulette). It's frightening when you look at the hard facts of what this addiction does to your resources! I also recollect losing £2000 over a weekend and £300, £400, £500, £600 and £700 on other occasions! Yes I had wins but invariably it just gave me more gambling tokens and fed my habit! Winning was the worst thing that could've happened to me! I'm disgusted with myself but even more determined to end this cycle of misery. In reality I'm lucky that I only owe £8500. I say luckily as the extent of my gambling had got so bad that I could've been deep into 5 figure sums! I needed to write this as a wake up and reminder of what gambling had done to me and my finances. I can pay my bills and live but I am fortunate to be in that position. No more feeling sorry for myself. Time to move on and slay the beast. I will never play roulette again.
This is such a thought provoking thread and the title gives the answer as to why we just cannot gamble, particularly on the roulette wheel - once we start we just cannot stop - end of.
If we start losing we chase and there is only ever one outome. If we win we want more and more so play longer and with the odds not in our favour again there is only one outcome. I would love to be able to have a few spins and walk away whatever the outcome but its far too exciting for that. There is nothing wrong wit saying you get a buzz from playing but it is a very expensive hobby, very expensive and not one I could afford - or more to the point I had the money but would rather spend it on other things or save it.
I tried winning so much a day and once / if I did it stop until the next day but I just could not do it. If I won I had to go back time and time again that day and although the run would sometimes last a few days or weeks there was always and I mean always that one big loss that wiped out the winnings and more besides.
The only way to win is not play and use the money you would have ultimately lost on other things. It took me longer than it should but I eventually realised you just cannot win in the long term and nor can anyone.
I wish you all well - call it a day my friends, we tried your best to win but it just doesn't happen!
Dave
Very good points Dave. I realise now that no matter how much I would've won it would never have bee enough. I now question my reasons for playing if it wasn't to win. It was a form of escapism for me, forgetting about other things whilst I spun. Problem is that the big losses added to my problems and there weren't enough big wins to offset the losses. Crazy logic but there is nothing rational about a gambler or gambler. I watched a programme the other night online and it said of all the casino games roulette is the one that is most stacked against you. If you play it continually as I did then your luck will eventually bottom out. So over 30/40 spins it's not surprising that any profit is long gone! The only way to double your money is to fold it in two and place it in your back pocket!
I am not sure any of us know why we do / did it. That big loss always comes in the end and is a major **** off but still we go back, or went back more more of the same expecting a different magical outcome. I maybe wrong but think gamblers are highly deluded, I certainly was and it wasn't until that delusion went away did the penny drop. We are all the same, feel like millionaires after winning even small sums, or going on a decent run but always end up with our tails between our legs when it goes wrong again.
I recall from the last ever time I played on the FOBT roulette I was averaging about £7 a spin. From £250 so about 35 spins covering 6 numbers I have a paultry 4 wins and when I hit the button for the last time I felt totally mugged off and vowed never to return which I haven't and won't.
If you don't play them again - you win and they are disappointed !
Couldn't agree more lads.....
is there a better feeling than pulling 5-6-700 out a roulette machine and getting on another one?? You feel incharge, in control......then fast forward when you shut the bookies door behind you....9/10 you play until you lose, you have to truly ask yourself what you want to win?? It is not the winning.....it is NEVER the winning, 99% of us are rational hard working people who completely understand how bookies work.....but we still play them. I don't care what anybody said there is no better feeling as a compulsive gambler than hitting big.....
but the defeats, I in myself hit rock bottom so so many times, personally I feel you are experiencing that now huskydawg without the gambling, it is so frightening and gutting to realise that's it......you have to call it a day, no more trying to win it back, but you have too, that money has gone.
i would of LOVED to of stopped at 8 n a half grand, I would of loved to of had the common sense you seem to be showing, mate if you don't stop now then I swear to god in 2 years you can double that, and of wasted two more years of your life.....then what??? You need to tell yourself this, forget where you are right now, this is the start, look at where you want to be in say 6 months......say you chop it to 6 grand, are sleeping well and feel better in yourself......that's a victory right?? Or.........you're more in debt, walking the neighbourhood half asleep and hating yourself even more.....
get to the weekend and your near a week.....every day you stop you win, keep marching on!!!
DAVEUK.......too true on the machine, here is one just for you......I once put £50 a spin on the first section, I then put £30 scattered around all the numbers in that section £80 a spin.......in £960.....twelve spins....I didn't hit the first section once......I am still scrubbing at the "mug" on my forehead.....it's fading!!!
It's a long road with no turning Dave but the alternative is s life wrecked through gambling and huge unpayable ununcontrollable debts. It's not really a difficult choice when you think about it. It's time to stop living in cloud cuckoo land where money grows on trees and get back to the real world. Hopefully we will all find the salvation we seek!
Hi Pompeyguy - the surprising thing is I am not surprised to hear about the £960 ! I totally agree that hitting it big is a huge adrenalin rush, so much so we want to do it again and again. For me the lows eventually outweighed the highs - boy do I hate losing! I also couldn't bear to leave the machine with less than I had got up to ie if I was up to £800 but then only had £600 in the window viewed it as £200 lost even it I had only put £100 in - listen at me only £100 - FFS!
Husky - you can do this and all it takes is for you to say to yourself 'I will not gamble today'. Today is all you have to worry about.
Dave and Pompey thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts. The old adage of sharing a problem rings true in my case. Today is the start of my Day 4. I'm still focused on my objective to break the cycle of gambling and despair. The fight continues. I will not gamble today.
I read aLot on here never give up giving up and it's true. Iv had a couple of relapses in my recent recovery but I won't dwell on it. I KNOW I am getting there and I have hope. I fell back into this horrible addiction after almost two years, but this time I FEEL different. I don't want to gamble. That for me is huge. Iv looked at the reasons I gamble without looking for excuses. I always thought I gambled to make money to pay debts that gambling caused! I didn't really dwell on the tens of thousands ibhad previously lost. I accepted that was gone a long time ago but I did try every payday to increase my wage by gambling. I now realise this was an excuse. There are other ways to deal with debt. Payment plans and paying only what u can afford are the way forward, even if it means a long time in debt its worth it. I actually have money in my bank account. Not aLot, but it's there and it hasn't been gambled. When I log onto my online banking I don't see a list.of deposits to online sites. I see a few withdrawals, a few bills being paid and transactions to the supermarket etc for every day things. I'm starting to feel a tiny little bit of pride. I gambled as a form of escape and iv addressed what I was escaping from. I'm getting help from my doctor and am in line for counselling and therapy. We need to look at our whole life not just the gambling. We need to change things that make us sad or don't make us happy. We only get one life and we are wasting it!! U can do this. We all can. We just need to support each other and put all the barriers in place like self exclusion k9 and confiding in friends and family. I wish u all the best. Xx
Did a 5 mile run this morning as exercise is something that has always given me a natural high and helped improve my moods. As long as I can remember roulette has negatively influenced my life. It has drained my resources financially, caused domestic problems, affected my mental and physical health, destroyed my sleep patterns and caused to neglect more important aspects of my life. My losses far outweigh any wins but it was like a drug for me fuelling a sense of euphoria for short periods but generally leaving me an emotional wreck. It was a form of escape from my day to day life and probably became more prevalent at times when other aspects of my life were ending. Having turned 40 this year I have definitely felt the onset of depressive behaviour almost exclusively fuelled by gambling behaviour. I go to work each day, I pay my bills, I really want for nothing, I have my health, my 3 boys are healthy, my relationship is like any other with its ups and its downs, so really I have a lot to be thankful for. Deep down though there lies a compulsive addictive potentially depressive personality which can lie dormant for long periods and strike without warning. From the outside I always seem like the life and soul of the party, the entertainer, someone who doesn't have a care in the world and why should I? Problem is gambling is a silent illness which lurks in the shadows. You can only drink or take drugs to excess for so long before people start recognising the symptoms. With gambling you can seem like the most solid person around, but it's only a facade. Deep inside is someone in torment mentally and physically, someone who has the ability to self destruct, someone who can risk everything and in losing can risk everything again. Someone who thinks that this time will be different when in reality it won't. For me there was no point in addressing my gambling issues without addressing the aspects of my life which have created the void which gambling has filled. My life at 40 can go one of two ways. I can address my gambling and start living a better life or I can continue working to fuel my gambling habit. A habit that has me staring over a very large precipice. One thing is for certain if I don't address my issues, my life will be irreversibly destroyed for ever. It's a sobering thought but for me it is a stark and frightening reality!
Hi Husky how are you doing today? I totally agree about gambling being a 'silent illness'. Although I played theroulette machines off and on for 10 or so years nobody close to me knew. My hatred of losing money saved me from losing to excess and although I realise the money I did lose has gone I still wish I had it - who wouldn't. As someone once said to me on here 'if nothing changes, nothing changes' so you have to choose the path of not gambling or the losses will continue, the going home after a big loss and having to pretend all is well will have to continue, the juggling of funds from one account to another to hide the loss will have to continue and so on. I have got to the point where I am now scared to play the roulette machines so don't, almost like a phobia because I know it will take money from me, maybe not on that visit but make no mistake it will take more than you win eventually.
Remember what I said the other day - 'I will not gamble today'.
Have a good day buddy.
Dave
Hi husky & everyone else
I swapped the fobts for football bets around 2 years ago (not much better but if you are going to gamble with a problem sports are one of the slightly safer options)
In my hay day i lost around 8000 in the space of 8 months paycheck after paycheck after paycheck being blown with absolutely no cause for concern
I was convinced back then but after looking further into it im 100% the machines are rigged to play games with your mind and your hopes i have heard from a pretty reliable source the software they use on them is designed by physcyatrists to pray on the punters addiction
How many times have you had a lump on 23 and 32 comes in ? or vice versa
*brain thinks arghhh so close if only those numbers would swap around il keep playing until they do*
Cover 9 heavily and number 10 has come in
*brain thinks oh the machines changed its spin il play that section now .......take stake off 9 and you bet it number 9 comes in next*
I used to notice patterns like that all the time , eventually i realised i was fighting a losing battle , i gamble to win and i wasn’t getting the wins i wanted on these machines so swapped to football and ive got to be honest id say over the course of this season im about evens if not slightly up, and also missing out on some massive payouts
The thing i like about football is that although there are some extremely dodgy results at times and i have concerns that even that is rigged against the punter , you can rely on the stats and sometimes even get a good read on matches if you do your homework well enough im convinced there is money to be made in sports betting but i suppose thats another story
Like everyone else i struggle to contain my gambling , il get a nice few hundred bet in on the football and then il be straight down the casino trying to double it – just pure greed
ive worked full time for nearly 7 years now and despite burdening my parents living at home all i have to show for it is a wardrobe full of designer clothes a big tv,a macbook and an iphone 6
my debts have gotten so significant recently i had to contact a debt manager last month im now headed into a 5 year IVA which sounds terrifying but they’ve been brilliant and arranged it so I’m only going to be paying 20 pence debt on every pound , my debt was touching just over 11K and after costs I’m going to pay back just over 4K ( most company’s look to offer the creditors 40 pence to every pound) if anyone here needs debt assistance please contact me on here and i can put you in touch with a really efficient company
anyway i wish everyone the best of luck with theyre demons sometimes its just nice to know your not going it alone
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