I will never win because I cannot stop

.........

...........

Joydivider

What you have to remember is no matter how much we win it is highly unlikely and more likely never going to replace the thousands that we have lost over the years. Each time we gamble we think this time it's going to be different but is it ever different? I suggest that it's not. Each time we gamble we follow the same destructive pattern and cycle of loss. The loss isn't just monetary, we lose time, sanity, control, we lose aspects of our health, but most of all we lose a little bit of our souls each time we succumb. It's a pointless cycle, a roller coaster to nowhere and for me my ride has come to an end. I want certainty from now on, not a life built on chance and the spin of a wheel. You have questioned your mental state and sanity at times and I have no doubt gambling attacks our mental framework, but it does not control us without us wanting to be controlled. If we don't gamble we remove its power and each time we say no we rebuild ourselves a little bit. It's small steps now but with time we become stronger more empathetic human beings. Gambling controlled me for too long. Now I am the master. I don't want my life blighted by this curse anymore and I certainly don't want my boys to grow up under the shadow of gambling. It's a mugs game. Been there, read the book, got the tshirt!

All good valid points lads!!

unfortunately I still have a very strong toe in the gambling world, in the fact that a close work friend who I work with every day still gambles majorly, majorly!!! I see the joys and despair every day (gambling on his phone) the mood swings in the morning, it's so easy to tell when he has had a bad evening by his mood, he happily tells me about his winning evening (few and far between) he spends two very happy days.....then the decline.....this is a cycle that I was participating in every time with him for 10-12 years, EVERY DAY, it tires me now watching it, and he only knows I have stopped gambling, not the extent to which I have put barriers in place (I keep this personal from everyone apart from you lucky lot)

I think one thing we all have in common is the fact we know we are not going to win back the thousands we have pumped in....but we continued to try, I think the longer you spend off the gambling scene the easier this is to drum home when you feel weak, or relapse in joy divider case....I know it's harsh mate, but maybe a little kick up the a**e is just what you needed.....if you had gone on a three week winning spree and then lost it you would be saying "if I can stop next time when I'm ahead, yeah that's what I'll do".....we all know the final outcome ay!!! I think the real joy in gambling comes from the actual gambling! Not the money!! I think as you say that endorphin rush and hit of dopamine is what we crave, the escaping from reality for a bit.

and on the what the staff make of our antics.......I remember about 7-8 years back being in a nightclub after a badddd day "at the office" and seeing one of the young lasses who worked at that certain bookies in there, she came up to me and (she had had a few, so I do regret this....nothing like that!!!) told me I had a serious problem , I was the worst gambler in the place and I had serious addiction problems.....I was livid, I played it down as I was with mates, but the next day I stormed in and kicked right off at the manager I knew in there......that member of staff was never seen in that store again whilst I was in there anyway......I truly believe they will do anything to keep hold of a regular......oh how I used to laugh with the staff about a "free" can of coke costing me £800......funny ay!!!! i never blame the staff there though, they are just doing there job, I couldn't do it....but I guess we all have bills to pay!!!

Good points all PG. I understand completely the difficulties surrounding working or socialising with someone who gambles particularly if you are trying to stop. I used to gamble heavily with one of my mates, in fact my gambling escalated on FOBTs due to his influence and style of gambling. It was my issue but being around him during gambling days left me more reckless. I got a sense of satisfaction knowing I was losing with him and wasn't alone. It's a really stupid thing to draw comfort from but I suppose as gamblers we aren't rational and we try to minimalist what we are doing in any way we can. My work colleague, like my partner, could tell when my betting had gone really wrong. I was like that Eminem song lose yourself 'palms are sweaty' and all that. I acted so erratically, euphoric when I won, miserable when I lost (which was more common)! I haven't seen my gambling mate for 2 weeks and although he says that he too is off the betting I have my doubts. He's always looking a loan and he earns the same as me. Anyway for me it's Day 8. My next target is 10, then 20, then 30, then 40 days. I will not gamble today.

Well done Husky. The excusing of a loss has a big influence as its kind of saying it's not that bad a thing to do so doesn't matter if it happens again. As we know, it does matter as does anything that has a negative effect on our state of mind. Of course life throws up things which cause upset, that's just life but why on earth add things which are avoidable and unnecessary. For some reason your post reminded me of a poem I wrote a while back. Whenever I read it I can feel again how I used to feel after a loss - as I have said all unnecessary :-

One, two, three, four, zero and twenty-six
They are the numbers that will give me my fix
I’ll start very low, just a small bet
No need to worry, won’t get caught in their net

I hit the button it’s not a win
You see I know where the ball lands, as soon as I spin
Never mind it means I can play longer
Me versus the machine - surely I’m stronger

Hit repeat spin I go again
This ones close, nope its number ten
Ah well it means I can play longer
Me versus the machine - surely I’m stronger

One more go then my credit has gone
I have more in my wallet, this loss won’t last long
What the hell anyway it means I can play longer
Me versus the machine - surely I’m stronger

I feed in a twenty I have fifty left
It’s taken with pleasure I’m now on a quest
I now start to realise I need to play longer
Me versus the machine - I’m sure I am stronger

At last it’s a winner I knew it would fall
I’m now almost even, I feel ten feet tall
I can’t walk away now, I’m staying longer
See, I told you, I knew I was stronger

My wallet feels lighter, lost almost a ton
The numbers are loaded its losing its fun
My bank card will help me to top up the wonger
I'm starting to doubt that I am the stronger

Please put us a hundred on number four
Just win it back then I’ll head for the door
Need to bet big now to get out of jail
But I am the stronger, I will prevail

Well that went so badly need more funds to stake
I punch in my pin, my hand starts to shake
For the gathering crowd, it’s a free show
Just prove I am stronger, my confidence will grow

Another one fifty this is the last
I’m 600 down, just a half-hour has past
My wallet is full now - full with receipts
No longer feel stronger I think I am beat

A smile on my face I’ll not let it show
Inside I’m so gutted, I now feel so low
Those who are watching, just think its funny
Not so strong now, I've lost all that money

I now feel embarrassed, could blow a fuse
Those bloody spectators willed me to lose
Never again will I do such a thing
Me versus the machine - I’ve let them win

Can’t even be bothered to bid my farewell
As I trudge so slowly towards the stairwell
I count the receipts - I feel totally shattered
They haven’t just beat me - I have been battered

I get in the car, life feels at an end
My excuses are ready, I bumped into a friend
I just feel so guilty - run through the mill
If only she knew I’d lossed 600 nil

So now off to Gamcare - I need to post
They are my shelter when I need help the most
But I’m in a cycle, soon think I am stronger
Go back to verse one? not any longer!

Nice poetic skills Dave!

Cheers Husky - it was my way at the time of documenting the cycle I was in. You are doing really well. Just keep concentrating on a day at a time - the 20, 30 and 40 days etc will take care of themselves.

Yes mate feel better already. My main mantra is what's the point in gambling. When I win I end up gambling it all away anyway and when I lose I just chase what I've lost and end up losing even more. Might as well cut out the middle man. The only way to safely double your money is to fold it in two and put it in your back pocket!

For most on this site there is no point because..........we can't stop. You will read on here that you are paying for entertainment. The thrill you are paying for is watching the ball go round and anticipating (which is of course is a video pic on the FOBT). I did try to make money and tried all the tricks under the sun but the one thing which scuppered it was how ever much I won I just could not stop. To make money you have to work and save ! The more you earn the more you can save. I sometimes think gamblers are a little lazy with their gambling ambition - want lots for doing little but the bottom line is very few succeed. Very rare though as THAT big loss always comes along eventually.

I always found that when I won big amounts I simply gambled bigger and lost the lot. Pure greed got the better of me. No amount was big enough that's why I had to stop. My boundaries were non existent and money meant nothing. I work too hard for that!

I tended to play until I was say £10 or so up then stop, but then go back and try and win another £10 or so and each time I won kept a note of my winnings. I never bought anything with the winnings other than counting it but there was ALWAYS an occasion when I would put back the equivalent of what I had accumulated which I then chased to get back and ended up losing more than I had accumulated. Happened in a cycle as after the loss I kept off the machines until the hurt of the loss subsided then did it all again. Things only took a turn for the better when I started self-excluding.

I am exactly the same. I used to deposit £25 every day online and play roulette. The majority of times I doubled my money in fact I was about £500 up over a couple of weeks. Problem was if I got bored I deposited again and when I lost I chased. If I had of just stuck to my system is be quids in but the problem was I needed the fix and the only way to get that was to play again and again and again. I won thousands but list it just as easily. I couldn't stay off them and could go from £500 up to £500 down I an hour. I might as well have burned my money or walked into a bookies and just handed it over! Its crazy behaviour but I've been there in the firing line. Then once I'd lose big I'd vow never again only for a week or two later to repeat the cycle all over again.

This is my Day 9. Today is a new day. I will not gamble today.

Hows it going Husky?