I will never win because I cannot stop

Still on the wagon Dave. Saw ACDC in Dublin last night! Spent a few ££££'s but at least I had it to spend that is progress!

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Nice one Husky. Hope the gig was good. At least you got some enjoyment from your money and didn't end up totally deflated and fed up. Keep up the good work.

Fell off the wagon today. Not sure why I gambled but disappointed that I did. Just confirms that giving this up is a marathon and not a sprint. To be honest I feel that I've let a lot of people down on here and in its own way that is a good thing as it makes me feel accountable. I feel bad but I know I can get this right. Sorry to you all for this latest derailment. Don't want to lie to myself but most of all don't want to lie to you all. Thanks for your support and I go again.

Thanks GT will take any postivity at the moment. Annoyed at myself but know I have the capacity to end this cycle. I can lose 00's in minutes playing roulette and it takes hours of work to get it back. Need to remember that at all times!

It's pretty clear that I need to maintain daily weekly and monthly postings on here to aid my recovery. As my memory of the losses fades with time I need a constant reminder of how much these things can ruin you. I'm sitting here now completely annoyed with myself. I had to lift some of my savings to offset what I lost. It was bad beat after bad beat yet still I religiously pumped the notes into the FOBT. It would've been easier just burning my money. It's come to the point that I just can't walk into a bookmakers anymore. I've stopped the online aspect through self exclusion and giving my cards to someone else worked as well. I've got to maintain the barriers to gambling and constantly remind myself that I will never win because I cannot stop. Day 1 starts tomorrow and I've been there before. Hopefully this will be my last Day 1. To those who have maintained their abstinence a big well done, to those who like me have fallen off the wagon, you are not alone.

What's done is done Husky - this cycle has to stop though. Given the outcome is always the same why did you expect today to be any different ? Even if you had won you would gave been back tomorrow and the next day until you had that inevitable loss. I admire your honesty and we are all here for you. There's absolutely no need for you to go in the bookies and if you can't stay out self exclude buddy so the choice is taken away from you.

Dave

Exactly Dave, I'm practically gambling a weeks holiday abroad every time I come off the rails! I'm like a shark in a feeding frenzy for those moments then afterwards I can't believe I've done it. I lifted out some of my savings to cover what I lost and to give me some breathing space. I think being short encourages the thought that I can win a bit in through roulette, when in reality I only end up losing and in further financial difficulties. I'd rather remain honest at all times. There's no point pretending. It's a Day 1 again and I go again.

Good luck this time. I totally feel the same way about spending a weeks holiday money each time I gamble. For me though, if I'm overdrawn, I feel that If I gamble, I might be able to get myself out of it. I am £15000 in debt from the last 2 years of gambling. Like you, I hope I can get out of it. 1800 days to GF for me. Day 9. Long way to go!! But if I save, that number could be halved!! Good luck husky!!

I used to do just the same after any loss - transfer the money lost from my savings to my current account. If I'm honest it was necessary to balance the account but deep down it was shoving the loss to the back of my mind as the balance in the current account then looked the same as it did before the loss so it didn't feel like such a loss. Self exclusion doesn't solve all the problems but is a huge free helping hand. I delayed too long as didn't want to admit I could not control myself and secondly just kept telling myself this was for other people who were far worse.

You know as well as I willpower alone is not enough if not you would have stopped years ago so take all the help there is. Like me, you have savings to fill the gap that using your bank card cause (in my case caused) but please don't just bury the losses - they are real, they are avoidable and they need to stop now.

Have a great gamble free day buddy.

Dave

Thegerman - hope you are well. The last two years prove you cannot win however hard you try. Despite what many say about it not being about winning money I think it plays a part for all gamblers to some extent. The wider issue is that enough is never enough and in the quest to win more and more the odds against kick in and losses inevitably occur.

Take a day at a time but please call it a day before 15,000 seems like a drop in the ocean to your overall losses.

Dave

Lads thanks for the postings. I estimate my current debts to about £8000 but really I should be about £15000 in credit. In the last 12-24 months I have probably gambled away £20,000. It's crazy when you see it written down. I am having lost gambling blues at the moment. It's a combination of anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt and depression at how much this thing has affected my day to day living. They are a curse and destroy lives. I would love to go 40 days clean to begin with to prove to myself that deep down I have the will power and resolve to beat this. I'm tired of getting on a run of days only to badly fall off the wagon.

Gambling seems to create the "perfect storm" for us. The poisonous mix of debt, remorse, guilt, anger, frustration, emptiness.... it's hard enough dealing with one of those never mind them all at the same time.

You are completely right DeLorean. Complete chemical cocktail of negative emotions. I could cry when I think what I've lost pursuing roulette. It's crazy how even after losing thousands I still give into temptation and play these horrible things. I managed to lose £750.00 yesterday in a matter of hours. What's even more ridiculous is at what point did I think I've lost too much? My 'catch yourself on' switch only ever kicks in after I've lost the heap. By that time I'm already in a betting induced panic and on the edge. Behaving erratically and feeling like my heart will burst through my chest. I can go days and weeks off them but once I forget the previous trauma of losing on them I end up going again! If I don't catch myself on soon I am going to end up in an early grave. #needtobestronger

It's also very difficult to come to terms with the fact that we've wasted all this precious time, money, energy etc on a totally pointless activity that has left us a lot worse off than when we started. Maybe that is what drives some people on, so they can justify their actions but they will never be able to.