Back to the start of the clock again for me, failed again! Feel awful got paid, used another laptop and went online, 0ver a 1000 pound later feel sick and ashamed. I cannot remember what normal is anymore, I feel worthless and pathetic.

Hi Anon 100, sorry to hear about your relapse. I hope you find the strength to come back and fight this head on. A phrase I love on this site and I've written in my personal work diary,'I can't win because I can't stop!' This has helped me to try and forget about the loses (very difficult) but makes me reaise they are gone and I can't win them back because what ever amount I won, it would never be enough to cover all the loses as I'd eventually put it all back in anyway, so the only people winning are the online slots. Take Care C x

Hi Charley ,thank you for your kind words, well done to you. I keep wondering what I have done that was so bad in my life to end up like this. I got to late 40s and never ever gambled and now for the last several years I've lost a stupid amount of money, in debt and feel awful when I should be really happy and solvent. I look after my parents and so wish I could tell them but it would break theirs hearts and they would not understand, Sometimes I wish 8 was dead then feel guilty because of all the people that are fighting for their lives through an illness. I face a month of no money again through my own stupidity x

Hi Anon, you are not alone in your suffering, I have spent the last few weeks wondering how I ended up in this awful situation, so I am with you in the way you feel, it is terrible. For some reason we have ended up like this, I don't understand it and I'm sure you don't, we just have to hang in there, around the corner maybe there is some hope of happiness. Hang in there I am just.

HI lost my life, thank you for posting, can I ask how long you have managed to stop for, until I had joined here I hadn't really tried for years. I know I have to stop thinking about the losses because I know I will never get the back but it's so hard not to dwell on th e what could have been.

o*g just worked out how much I've lost since 2010 and it's 147,000 that is made up of savings, loans and approx 1500 per month, how stupid and sick I feel now. Whilst I cannot do anything about that I can at least try and make the future different, I have 13 years left to work and I have a private pension on the positive side. I have to turn this around, I hope to god I can do it again this time.

Anon, give yourself a break. Yes, you've made a mistake and that is a lot of money wasted, but it's gone now. You can beat this if you want it bad enough. It is an addiction, it keeps you in its *** until you decide enough is enough. It's most probably going to be the hardest journey of your life, but from the stories I've read on here so far, it will absolutely be worth it! There is a life worth living out there against gambling, so try and focus on that. I tell myself everyday yes I've made a massive mess of things etc but I have my health, I' didn't have my health a few years ago and was very poorly for a couple of years, and no amount of money would make me better, no matter how much I won. So I personally have take it as a blessing, as in my mind I've been given a second chance. You're still here, so you have a second chance to change things. If you have credit cards, loans etc get the interest stopped on them, yes it makes take years to pay back, but it's a start of a new life. I feel sad you're so down and wish I could make you feel better, but sadly I can't. I just hope you come to realise that you can do this and life is worth living and fighting for. C x

Day 1 almost over and no gambling. Been busy at work and kept busy all night. Read some diaries on here and they are heart breaking but they are helping me stay focused. The success ones give me hope, like packing up smoking which was an addiction I have to stay strong and positive.

Well done on day 1! Stay strong! I've found some diaries heartbreaking too and it's helped me focus a little more, as I'm lucky that I can see a future, sadly some people cant and that's awful. All the best on day 2. C x

Thanks Charley, almost through day 2, stressful day at work but staying focused on beating this evil addiction that ruins so many lives. I read the Serenity prayer today which made sense, it goes like this,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can , and the wisdom to know the difference x

Didn't sleep well but up now and getting ready for work, here's too another gamble free day. I think the weekend will be a challenge x

Well done Anon on day 3, stay strong and plan a busy weekend (doesn't have to cost money) wishing you luck throughout the weekend. Cx

Well another day almost over, read a few diaries some success stories given me hope and courage to battle on.

Hi

Thinking of your title:

"I wish there was a pill you could take to stop this terrible illness/addiction"

That would be amazing

But, yeah obviously it's not on the table.

But if you adjust that to:

"I wish there was a course of action l could take to stop this terrible illness/addiction"

Well now you're firmly in reality. There most definitely, 100%, is a way to break out of addiction. The way is not god, it's not a pill, the way.....is you.

It requires change and committed action.Change and committed action works. We know this because millions have done it. I've done it. Think about it - never mind a pill, you can do it if you are WILLING to. It really is about willingness.

Willingness doesn't mean just concentrating very very hard. Well firstly it means looking at what works - take a look around here. What works is probably not what you instinctively want. What you instinctively want might be to beat yourself up, whilst making solemn promises about never again. This is just more mental b0ll0x - you're not changing anything in practice.

Before you push on - you need to be going in the right direction. Effort without direction will get you nowhere.

But once you know the path - willingness it is - the ability to pursue something that is right, in spite of the obstacles which the mind throws up.

You seem to be confused or resentful that you have come to the addiction late on. It doesn't really matter the when, why or how we come to addiction. The important thing is to fully accept the addiction - and it's liberating knowing we're actually all in the same boat. And start taking committed action from now on.

Best wishes

Louis

Thank you Louis, I do fully accept the addiction and that's what finally got me to seek help and support. IVe also joined GA. Well done to you and how long you have been gf.