I wish there was a pill you could take to stop this terrible illness/addiction

Hey anon since they haven’t got me yet I thought I would pop by. I’m made up that you’re still gamble free and over the year mark too, hope you have a great year and remain on track

Best wishes

Deano x

Dear diary it’s been along time. Just read my last main post in December which was so full of hope for the future and the life I was now enjoying. Whilst I’m still gamble free I’ve just come out of hospital after 15 days with the most devasting news you could have. I’m not writing this for sympathy but to inspire people struggling to give up or whom already have done for great lengths of time. You see now more then ever I realise those years of isolating myself from family and friends and missed social events all because I wanted to log onto my computer and spin those awful bloody reels every chance I had. Hour after hour and night after night. Life really is so short when your given a set time frame before you die. I’m so glad for the gamble free time I’ve had, I’ve been on holidays, treated the kids, paid debts off, started to have savings, helped charities and more importantly I’ve been a whole person again for my parents, children and grandchildren. I wasn’t weighted down with sleepless nights worrying how I was going to pay the bills, guilt about the lies of having no money and reasons why(you all know what that’s like). Today one of my friends took me to a card shop where I bought birthday cards for all my family and friends, wedding card, baby gifts and a special box to put them in so that they all get a card for when I’m not here, I cried intermittently throughout this but I had the money to do it which 600 days ago I wouldn’t have been able to. What I’m saying is I know it’s hard to give up an addiction but it can be done, lm still smoke free too but my god the craving for one of them is bad now. I have thought I may as well have one but no I’m firm to myself; I shall go out of this life gamble and smoke free. I shall post as and when I can till the end, at 55 I still had lots of plans, whilst I didn’t gamble for that many years it was a waste of my precious time as we don’t know how long we have. Stay strong everyone x x

Hi anon,

That’s some really devastating news, and I’m sorry to see this post. I’m not really good with words but you’re in my thoughts and I hope what ever time you have left is peaceful.

Thank you for all the support you gave to me over the time we spoke on here.

Best wishes

Deano x

Dear Anon I too want to thank you for your support to me last year when I was in out gambling and gf you helped me towards me finally getting gf properly. You touched my life thank you. I really am devastated to hear your very very sad news and like Deano not great with words. I am so sorry. I am so glad you’ve got and had gf time, your so right we no way should waste our lives gambling. I for one take on board everything you’ve said. If I could hug you I would, so sorry Anon. Xxx

your strength and grit shines through.i am so sorry......there really are no words except that your gamcare family are sending you love and comfort at these times xx

I saw your diary title & held my breath as I hit the button...I think a little piece of my heart just snapped off but @ the same time, it swelled with pride that despite this you have held your chin high & not let addiction take any more from you!

I hope you continue to feel love & warmth for the rest of your days & I will give my sister & Aunt a nudge to look out for you when you join them in the stars.

Keep making the most of every day my friend & hugs from a fellow soldier ((Anon))

Start of another week and it will be gf. Still battling the urge for a cigarette but staying strong. Ive spent almost all of the weekend with my kids, parents and grandchildren, them taking pictures (have to before I get too thin and poorly looking), looking back at good times, family hols etc. It was amazing which makes me even more sad at the years I lost in the fog of gambling not being there for them totally. I’ve written more cards and picked two songs for my funeral so far which are, supermarket flowers by ed Sheran and Leona Lewis your hellelujah. Ive bought 3 bottles of champagne, one for each of my kids, I’m planning a xmas, afternoon tea at a very posh hall, Spa day with my daughter. Whilst this might seem a ramble and anyone reading may think what’s this got to do with gambling? It has everything to do with not gambling and the benefits of having money , I can do this now because I have money I wouldn’t have had if I’d not stopped. So please stay strong and you will reap the benefits and hopefully longer then me. X x

Anon
I am deeply humbled by the recent words you write, I hope you achieve your bucket list whilst you are still able to. I can relate wholly to what you write, 275 days ago through the turmoil addiction brought I set out to end my own life and without doubt would have done if the circumstances that day had enabled me to do so, reading your thread gave me a great sense of shame that I was prepared to give my life away, equally your words inspire me to never let my own life get to such a place again.
Today your words again have had a profound effect on my life.
For taking the time to do so I thank you.
With honour and strength.
Deeply humbled.
Duncs.

Dear Anon,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here on how you process the news about your illness. You show a tremendous strength and reading through your post I thought how kind and caring your thoughts are about what you want to leave behind.

You have come a long way as a person, giving up gambling, giving up smoking and making so many changes to your life. I think many users here take great courage from reading your story and from being able to share some of their journey with you, too.

I would like you to know that we are here for you on this journey, too and if you would like to speak to us on the Helpline or Netline at any time, please do contact us. If you feel that there is something specific we can do to support you at the moment, you can also email us on Forum.Admin@gamcare.org.uk

As always, stay strong.

Gabriele

Anon, you are similar in me to age but that's where the similarities end.
I don't think I'd have the courage that you are showing right now.
Reading your post has made me feel like a first class fool.
Like you, I have so much regarding family but night after night I sit thinking I wish I could gamble.
I can't begin to imagine how I would feel in your position but I can say thank you - for bringing me to my senses. I feel sick to the stomach for being so weak and selfish.
You have shown it can be done. You have turned your life around and for that you must be immensely proud of yourself and I am forever grateful to you for proving to us that it can be done.
My heart goes out to you and your family. Sending you a bucketful of strength.
Xx

Dear diary, thank you to the people who wrote on my diary, your kind words mean so much. Thank you admin and just want to say if my diary can inspire anyone to stay gamble free please leave it open after I’ve gone. For every person I help I shall be smiling to myself as it’s one in the eye for this awful addiction. No cravings for me still I’m glad to report albeit it would be so easy to do and the urges can come from no were. Remembering the very early days it was literally hour by hour, day by day to get through it and even if you fall, don’t think I carnt do this because you can. So pick yourself up and start again, even at the beginning for me when I had very little money left each month after paying payday loans etc I found pleasure in simple things that cost nothing, walking the dog , watching the snow drops all around was so beautiful, then the sea of yellow for the daffs and then what turned out my favourite the bluebells and my beagle running through them. Priceless moments once the blur of gambling had cleared from my eyes and head. You relearn to enjoy the simple things and learn to love and like yourself because gambling made you feel and think your a bad person but that’s what gambling does and likes to keep you in its fold. Anyway, last week I had my posh afternoon tea, it was amazing and I’m going back again this Friday. Today my parents are cooking me a turkey dinner, ive been out to Miller and carter and whilst I couldn’t finish my streak the dog loved it and was spoilt. Ive spent loads on gifts for people and written letters/notes thanking them for being part of my life. I find great comfort in doing this. Hope everyone has a brill gf Easter , stay strong and positive x x