Is there anyone like me?

Hi, forget about the money as it is gone and will not come back through gambling. What's important is not gambling again as the amount of lost money will increase. For me a tenner would turn in to twenty, fifty, one hundred and so on so i cant gamble a tenner under any circumstance. Until a few months ago you had done 2 years which is fantastic. This time make it 4!

Hi Klou109,

Welcome to this great site and well done for making the first steps in this recovery. You are not on your own and we all know what you going through.

You will find a lot of advice here. Keep reading and posting.

You did it before, to get off of merry go round for 2 years is huge achievement. You can do it again.

This crippling addiction can get us any time, that's why we need to keep our guard up all of time. Urges comes and goes, and they are only thoughts, you don't have to act on them.

I wish you all the best in your journey, you will find many likeminded folk here and never be alone.

Take it day at a time and head to the better future you trully deserve 🙂

All the best in your journey, i will be here willing you on through good and bad.

Take care

Sandra

Thank you both for your words of support.

I am already finding his forum a great help, I was reading a while before I posted.

I am not a person who gambles every day (although I do believe that to be an addict is not only about how often). I gamble every few days and especially at weekends and only in the evenings. I have been trying to break the evening routine to break the habit.

I have read so much that can describe how I am feeling or felt. Things I had never considered:

The gambling coma: this is me! When I gamble, nothing else around me exists.

The gambling hangover: this is me! The way I feel after a night of gambling is horrific. I am filled with a feeling of worthlessness and guilt.

I can not gamble because I can not stop: this is me! And it will become something I remind myself of every day! I gamble, if I win I even sometimes withdraw, then I reverse that withdrawal or put it all back the next day. See, even when I win, I dont really win!

I am devestated that I went so long and ruined it all. I am devestated that 4 days ago I spent £70 that could have bought so many things. I am devestated, that me, a successful (at work) and loved individual is so so very stupid!

I will stop, I can. I need to find a way to let go of the guilt of the money I have lost these last few months.

Thank you for reading. I will keep posting.

Hi Kitty

Please believe me when I say you are definitely not alone. I am currently on day two and my story is on a diary called struggle journal if you want to read. I have just started using this site, yesterday but finding it very rewarding and helpful. It is very good to know that I am not the only fool to fall into the gambling ring.

I like you never win as if I do I put it all back plus a whole lot more. There is no limit to me as I play online and it does not seem real. I have been gambling for most of my life and am now 35. Luckily I have not lost everything but this is my last chance. My husband can no longer take anymore and I do not blame him. I have two beautiful daughters that deserve so much more. They would have more if I stop gambling. I can not look back and I suggest you don't either because we can not change what has happened.

Look forward hun and remember every minute/day you don't gamble is money saved. Add it up over time and you become the winner not the machines!

Good luck and I wish you as well as everyone else on here the very best gamble free life.

Amanda

hi kitty

I could have written your last post myself and it would have all applied to me! Its scary how many of us think the same and feel the same. good news is that we can not start in the first place which is how we can control it. Im like you once I start it consumes me but i do have great control of not doing it in the first place. I will take my mind off any urges by doing something completely different just for a few minutes till the urge as passed. i have my daughters hairband (she is 16 month) around my wrist and anytime i have an urge i ping the hairband and it reminds me instantly of why i stopped. I hated the self loathing and guilt from gambling and im almost 3 weeks without any gamble big or small and i feel so much better. I was gambling for so long i had forgotten the freedom that comes with not having to keep money for this disgusting illness. I hope you stay gamble free and check in here anytime you feel an urge or if you wanna offload. x linda

I gambled again last night. In no way is it his fault but my partner told me to have £20 whilst he did something else. I should have said no, or told him that I would not manage it. Instead, here I am back to day one wondering about the point in going on and a loser in more ways than one. £80 down the drain. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.

Mr partner knows and has said he will help and will never ever tell me to have money ever again. I don't deserve him, I don't deserve my daughter. Don't pity me because i don't deserve that either.

Day 1 - do I even care anymore?

self exclusion done, probably too little too late! I can't believe how much I hate myself right now.

Hi kitty,

Don't beat yourself up for this. Dust yourself down and start again. I'm affraid your husband don't help you at all, giving you money which is clearly pushing you back into gambling. Maybe try to hand your finances to someone you trust ( family member ) for a time being, which would limit your acces if urges comes. Or change your bank card just to basic cash card. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And we need to face all the hurdles to come out the other side.

Maybe 1 to 1 counselling would be help too? I had mine and learned a lot about myself and reasons why i headed to self destruction. GC offering free sessions into every area, and i would really suggest to contact them and find out more. Even your husband could have sessions, to understand more about this addiction and what it brings to ppl lifes.

These are only suggestions. The main person are you my friend, you are the one in control. Steer your ship away from trouble and look into the future with more optimizm, happiness and belief. You can do it !!

Take care

Happy New year

Sandra x

Thank you Sandra, thank you so very much for your words, they helped. I did not gamble today. I instead self excluded from every site I use (as well as the ones I did yesterday).

I can not win, because I can not stop!

Happy New Year

Am now on day 3

Can do it, will do it, have to do it!!!

Well done Kitty. To answer your initial question, yes there are lots and lots of people just like you on this forum and - sadly - thousands all over the UK. We've all experienced exactly what you are experiencing so always remember you are not alone and whenever you get the urge, there is someone who can help.

As a previous poster said forget the money lost - it is gone and you'll never see it again. What's important is that you don't put another penny in. Your daughter is 2 - much better now at least than when she is older. Just think, by the time she is 3 you'll have been gamble free for a decent amount of time and can treat her to a nice present. I hope that doesn't sound emotionally manipulative - I just think it's good to have these targets in mind to keep us from gambling.

Also you must stress to your husband how vital this is - he must be supportive and part of the solution. Get him on this forum if needs be.

All the best,

Ross

Thank you Ross, I really appreciate your kind words, and it is nit manipulative but exactly the kind of thought that is driving me to give up!

My other half is about to play xbox, this is exactly the time I usually start to gamble, bored, baby is in bed and other half engrossed lol (I don't begrudge him that he works hard and deserves a few hours of wind down on his game)

I on the other hand am going to do a bit of work (believe it or not, as much of a mess as I am, I am a teacher!) and get caught up before the start of the new term. Failing that, I have a new book which I will get stuck I into. This time of day is hardest, wish me luck and strength!

My partner is really supportive, I just don't think he realises that this can be an addiction and will often tell me to have a tenner etc. but has vowed to never say it again!

Sorry I am rambling now!

Day 5!

Day 6! Getting there....last night fella said have a tenner, I said no and explained how important it is that he never help me to gamble, he has finally understood how serious it is. Didn't have a tenner, didn't log on, barely thought about it!