I have been struggling with gambling for a few years now on and off. I hvae been through periods of time where i have completely forgot about it but when its bad ITS BAD. In the last 12 months i have managed to get myself into even more debt through gambling and my emotional state is rocky. My down fall is the chase of a big loss. Money has no value when i am in this haze and i just seem to keep clicking to deposit button without really thinking through the implications. Its then when i check my bank account that the depression, guilt , anger and genral anxiety kick in. This all happens at the beginning of the month and then i have to live the remainder of the month in this state of dispair, counting down the day to payday. When payday arrives i feel positive and promise myself i wont gamble. I pay a few bills (Sometimes) and then find myself betting within a couple of hours. My mind rationalises this for me and i easily convince myself its the good thing to do. " you deserve a treat!", " its only £20" "you can afford this easily" are some of the thoughts that bombard my brain.
Today is the beginning of a long journey for me. It has been sparked by the fact i am now borrowing money from my mum and lying about the reasons for it. This feels worse than my 11 other loans. Not really sure why. Christmas is around the corner and i am going to really struggle to make it specail for any of my loved ones. That makes me feel horrible.
I have a good job which i have worked and trained really hard for. The shame of people finding out is unbearable. What will people think of me? will they leave me? I am not strong enough to take this risk. At least not yet. I have started reading other peoples diaries and this has resparked a fire to suceed.
So lets start again!
I am a gambling addict and i want to stop.
Any advice on self help techniques are welcome. Once strong enough i will involve others around me but im just not ready for that yet,
Tomorrow is my day 1
Hi Jasper and welcome to the forum! Keep posting and start accumulating the days. There are lots of helpful tips throughout the diaries and you need to find a way that works for you. Just take it one day and at time at the start and focus on getting through the day without considering gambling.
No gambling today but very worried about money! Day one nearly done!
Hi jasper I second what Change said that's really good advice. I found hobbies were good for me I haven't had time just lately but especially in the early days it gave me something to focus on other than gambling. I also made plans to go out more with my husband at weekends which has kept me busy too. Like Change said it's finding what works for you but anything that takes your thoughts away from gambling is good. Take care Lu x
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