Killing the Zombie

round of applause from me

and a free calender with a cheeky pout

Just dropping bye to congratulate you on 4 year's of being bet free

All the best

Hello Louis.

You beat me to it, you were bang on my radar to say hello.... hello

I think fair to middle is a pretty good place to be. It reminds me of a an amusing line I read here ' strive for a five ' .

There's two diarists here who speak a similar language, yet dispels any right or wrong way of tackling this addiction and that in my humble is you and Dan. The 2 sides of the discovery process.

I also for what ever reason some what dislike the word recovery.

Still very much on top of my agenda is evenening the stakes in rounds and will be looking forward to share any ACT therapy experiences I've had.

I've processed any S****e from my past. There is an element of guilt I need to address but now I'm hoping this new direction in therapy is gonna make me the bloke who reappears every now and then.

I trust the little fella has you wrapped around his little finger and just by that short intro in 3d we had, I know full well an old man he will forever look up to.

Laters

Thank you for your post Louis.

I really appreciate it.

I do my best to post my best to people.

'Considerable wisdom' is a bit of a stretch. I'll take it. See it more as a willingness for wisdom. Really wish I had learned a lot more in my life, so trying to make up for lost time.

Excellent observation on my humour though.

I'm very funny.

Always been an avid reader of this thread. From the early struggle to tell your partner, to exploring the root cause of your problems, CBT then ACT, there is a real desire to develop and clear evolouision here.

Small goals are important, I have lost enthusiasm for life and find myself in quite a slump. Must add my life is relatively comfortable which is good, I'm grateful, but makes it easy for me to do nothing.

If I can find a spark to care enough to do anything then there's some helpful advice in this thread. I read how you started by doing simple things to help your anxiety. Talking in a shop - for example - would be an excellent starting point for me. I only use those self-service machines.

I do read a lot about addiction: books, articles and the latest research. Somewhat surprisingly, without reading your posts I don't think I would be aware of ACT.

You bring something different to the forum, explain how you apply it into your life and pass on your passion for it.

That's cool.

On your recommendation on another thread I'm currently having a look at The Happiness Trap. I've looked at the reviews the book has received on the Goodreads. Interestingly, even the more negative comments tend to just be about a patronizing tone to the book. The actual ACT strategies seem to be universally accepted as helpful in some way to everyone.

A rarity in therapy treatments, programs and self-help books.

Does mention at the start of the book that ACT can help with depression, anxiety, chronic pain and drug addiction.

Interesting.

I will continue to accumulate knowledge that maybe one day I will use.

This thread has made a significant contribution to that knowledge.

Thank you.

Back from a nice holiday with GF's fam.

This was the sort of thing I would've once absolutely dreaded. My GF's fam score pretty highly on my social anxiety-ometer.

I guess the reason being is that I fear their rejection more than others. It's more important I get their acceptance.

I refer to my 'social anxiety', when in fact this is a very broad term. It can include a fear of public speaking, a fear of leaving the house, a fear of strangers, and much more (none of these are a problem for me). I should say that I probably have a relatively mild form and it specifically arises around certain people which (I guess) I crave acceptance from. More specifically, when around such people, I start doing something which I discovered is called 'self-monitoring'. This involves a social situation where I am pre-occupied with how I am being received by the other person. Hyper-sensitivity, reading the other person's signals, 'evaluating' how it's going. To some extent this is human nature, but on ocassion it goes into overdrive.

This has the unfortunate result of making me far from 'in the moment' and becoming very stifled.

I am fairly sure that my complete oblivion to this issue, my frustration and shame which came from it, directly caused my gambling. Or my shame and frustration caused me to medicate and seek my comfort blanket of gambling. This was because I wasn't connecting with people in the way I wanted to. Connecting with people is very important to me and so this hurt.

Anyway, a week with the GF's family abroad would've something to be very worried about previously. But this time I just got on with it. Barely thought about it beforehand. Yes, the same self-monitoring was there. Yes, I wasn't really able to 'be myself'. But it was, overall, a good holiday. It was time spent with my GF, my baby and GF's parents - all together - with the oldies particularly made up to be spending time together.

What's more important? The memories being made or the temporarily difficult feelings I experience? No brainer

So currently reflecting on good progress. I definitely believe you can't outright fight these things. They're there for a reason. This stuff is buried deep - rationally we can talk our way out of it but these things aren't operating in the rational zone. It's the fight/flight mind trying to protect, but not doing a very good job of it. It's not really THAT big a problem. It becomes a big problem when we struggle with it.

Louis

Time was that the big debate on here was to 'simply' abstain, or to also address root cause. On either side, however, the need for abstention was never questioned, apart from a few outriders who weren't taken seriously.

Now the debate's regressed to controlled gambling or abstention.

The debate board has become a hotbed of controlled gambling fantasy. Like spotty teenagers in their bedrooms, doing what spotty teenagers do, fantasising about pulling Natalie Portman.

Ain't gona happen guys. Give up. Or carry on and enjoy. Really go for it!! But why waste time on a forum for recovery.

No problem with people carrying on gambling. I did for 14 years.

But don't pretend it's a model of any success.

How can gambling addicts, who are still gambling, have an opinion worth salt on the matter?They might be wise in many other ways, but not in addiction. They've acquired X years of failure in respect of addiction it's the brutal truth.

Seems that the debate section is in danger of distracting people from their own recovery. Far easier to argue the toss than look at your own behaviour.

Yes it's hard to stop. But we're not talking smack withdrawal and the (dubious) justification of needing methodone. There's really no place for controlled gambling and it always ends in tears.

It's a confusing message. People can now come here and see a wide range of choices. Not sure what to believe? Guess I'll take the easy option....

It's partly a problem with addicts being able to choose their own medicine. Any psych knows controlled doesn't work.

'I cannot win because I cannot stop'

'I cannot control my gambling'

I was wondering if there was controlled smoking / drinking etc. Controlled eating, in my case. Or the possible implications of being a professional smoker / drinker / excessive consumer of chocolate etc. And looking at other addictions, are certain members of the proverbial Oldest Profession (and their Clients) professionals in their field or addicts?

All of which is just sarcastic and unhelpful but I've posted it anyway. More constructively, hope all is well with you.

BW,

CW

I agree with Cardhue - totally. I've found a lot of recovering CGs very sensitive but not AS senstive as an active CG. For example, in the chatroom the other night a guy was talking about controlled gambling and how confident he was that he could. I made a non- unpleasant comment and he responded with sarcasm and left the room. Another time in chat a guy started talking about films and I made a comment about going on a film review website - similar reaction! Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but I find the chat time precious and sometimes goes fast so it's purpose should be respected and not treated like a playground or a place to pick fights which I have been guilty of myself - part of the learning curve. By all means make light hearted comments but keep the focus on the purpose of the chatroom, forum and website. Constructive criticism welcome as always. Best wishes, Phil.

Hi Louis

Huge thanks for popping by my diary...Wow almost 1500 days GF...I am so grateful to long term members who continue to come here & give so much support to people like me ...Thank you.

"Peeling away the layers" - I'm trying....Work In Progress.

"Acceptance" - To a degree, yes....I've accepted today I cannot gamble...There is no tomorrow. Have I accepted myself yet?...Work In Progress.

But....I am definitely in a better place mentally than I was a few weeks ago, I've accepted that I am an addict...That was the easy part, it's learning to live with that and all that it entails that is the difficult part but with hope, help & support I'm getting there...

All the very best & thanks again.

Mari x

I feel in quote mood. This rings very true! :

"People who are terrified of what others think about them are actually terrified of all the negative things they think about themselves being reflected back at them."

Holding tightly onto a self identity is dangerous.

The more something threatens our identity, the more we seek to avoid it.

Good things can threaten our identity, like stopping gambling

People are scared of success because it's not in keeping with a narrative we've invested in

We are biased to what we already know.

Until we let go of these set ideas of who we are, we cannot change.

If our mind will reach for the comfort blanket (tm silly cow), who do we trust. That's why we need to live by values rather Instant gratification.

Step outside comfort zone. Fail. Learn. Confidence and success comes from trying new things, failing and learning.

We all have the same problems. We're not unique or special

Ask those tricky questions. Have courage to question your way of doing things

Hi Louis,

Great share. Thanks for the reminders. Much appreciated!

-joan x

Society/the human condition says we can't be average or below average at something. Even though statistically that's where we fall, in most aspects of life.

No way, if we're not gona excel, it's better we fail spectacularly. That way we can still be exceptional.

Accept a 5

That just made me laugh but really it not funny its just normal nothing more nothing less normal.

Malc